Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I’ll be damned if Rick Perry didn’t take me up on that.

I don't want to say Monsanto is evil right off the bat, but why is Monsanto so evil?

I'm not a Christian, but I have read his book.

Every day in America is a day with a shooting.

The thing they're trying to stop is 30-million people getting health insurance. That's the substance.

That's not water. That's socialism juice. We should bomb Lake Erie.

And, corny as it may sound, I do cherish the bond between me and the audience, the minority that follows my stuff and always makes me glad it's us against the world.