The reason why women think men should spend a lot of money on an engagement ring is because women are the ones who get to clean up all the poop (stains and toilet bowl swirls included) that is provided by every family member living in the house until they die.
We need to pull over now," she screeched as she gagged. "Paper is not supposed to be made out of poop.”"Did it taste like poop?" Hank inquired as he quickly pulled into a rest stop filled with church buses."Since I don't eat poop," Dima snapped, "I wouldn't know.""But you do eat people?""I do not eat people," she yelled."But your people eat people?" I prodded nicely."Occasionally," she hissed. "And your people sniff each other's asses when in animal form..."She had a point - and a foul one at that.
I was still a newlywed and certainly wasn't to the point where I felt comfortable yelling, "I'm going to shit my pants any second!"But the sweating had started, which was followed by the tears. "I'm not feeling well, and need to get home," I told him."Ok, but I have to obey the speed limit because of all the kids in the neighborhood," he replied.I was pleading with him to hurry up when he came to a complete stop.I screamed at him, "Why are we stopping?"He rolled down the window. "Retreat."I could see the flag lowering in the distance, the beautiful orange sun setting behind it.In the opposite direction I could see the roof line of our home - so close, yet so far away.As Retreat played, I surrendered. I pooped my pants. I took one for the flag.Now that's patriotism.