Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection.

I had a blind date with a dentist — and he told me to come back in six months.

People say it is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made.

I said, "Is there!" I told him there is a Mafia school where they teach them math — if Johnny has ten fingers and they cut off two, how many does he have left?

Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find an accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we breathe.

It gathers emotionally inside you, in a strange way a by-product of struggle, of a willingness to do anything, try anything, expose yourself to anything — staying in motion because sooner or later those ripples will cause change.

Laughing made me feel safe. I was not going to be enveloped by the seediness that coated this world like dust.

When you begin to losing your audience, do not get loud; get quiet, make them find you and come back to you.

I am driven. Being driven is my energy source. It is my fun.…I believe that where there is action, there is movement, and those ripples will eventually produce something positive.

The revelation that personal truth can be the foundation of comedy, that outrageousness can be cleansing and healthy…

The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it.

Everything comes out of smoke and mist and nothingness, a mystical happening…

Liked" was the kiss of death. "Loved" or "hated" interested him. At least the performer had aroused emotion.

Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is true.

…but I think comedy is more aggressive than that. It is a medium for revenge. We can deflate and punish the pomposity and the rejection which hurt us. Comedy is power.

…you either do or do not have a comedy mind, whatever that is, maybe a heightened sense of the ridiculous and the absurdity of life…We are all crazy and crazed.

Leaders with high esteem are high performers.

If both the performer and audience are on the same plane then it's not ART but SCIENCE, for ART is a personal expression that varies from one individual to another, while SCIENCE commands uniformity & certainty! What are YOU?

Strive hard to be among the top performers. To do this, create a standard. Go higher than this standard. Set another higher standard; surpass it and repeat the process.

I like performing because it's direct contact with live people. I write a good deal of the time but that's introspective creation rather than interaction.

One forgets that part of one's performance is one's history—or sometimes the lack of it. You're playing against what an audience knows, what they expect. This seems to be true of all performers; there's baggage that gets carried into the venue that we can't see.

I don't think any responsible performer would go on stage high. If he convinced himself he is better that way, he is deluding himself.

Most people don’t understand performers are really sheltered and protected so much sometimes that they don’t get a chance to live their lives.