I'm a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, who is sending a love letter to the world.

Love is not patronizing and charity isn't about pity, it is about love. Charity and love are the same -- with charity you give love, so don't just give money but reach out your hand instead.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

I have something that I call my Golden Rule. It goes something like this: 'Do unto others twenty-five percent better than you expect them to do unto you.' … The twenty-five percent is for error.

Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it.

What doesn't kill us makes us funnier.

Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar.

All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental.

Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them.

What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

I'm trying to undermine the basis of Christian belief... I'm not in the business of offending people. I find the books upholding certain values that I think are important, such as life is immensely valuable and this world is an extraordinarily beautiful place. We should do what we can to increase the amount of wisdom in the world.]

Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed.

We have seen the best minds of our generation destroyed by boredom at poetry readings.

There is no God and we are his prophets.

All these people talk so eloquently about getting back to good old-fashioned values. Well, as an old poop I can remember back to when we had those old-fashioned values, and I say let's get back to the good old-fashioned First Amendment of the good old-fashioned Constitution of the United States -- and to hell with the censors! Give me knowledge or give me death!

Everything must be made as simple as possible. But not simpler.

If the bee disappeared off the face of the earth, man would only have four years left to live.

I'm trying to undermine the basis of Christian belief... I'm not in the business of offending people. I find the books upholding certain values that I think are important, such as life is immensely valuable and this world is an extraordinarily beautiful place. We should do what we can to increase the amount of wisdom in the

I never minded the random scribblings of other readers, found them interesting in fact. It is a truth universally acknowledged that people write the darndest things in the margins of their books.

You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.

The Battle of Normandy was won on the beaches of Dieppe

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.

Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives.

When a man plans, a woman laughs.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a sane employee in possession of his wits must be in want of a good manager.

Do you hate people?”“I don't hate them...I just feel better when they're not around.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.

Excess makes the heart grow fonder...

I came, I saw, I concurred...

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

I believe I am in Hell, therefore I am.

To be or not to be. That's not really a question.

I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that one only comes up with clever, cutting remarks long after the other party is happily slumbering away.

I didn’t know that painters and writers retired. They’re like soldiers – they just fade away.

If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.

You could know a man not by what his friends said about him, but by how he treated his servants.

Michael was still an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, coated in yum. Only now the enigma was a little less mysterious; I was a few clues closer to solving the riddle - but damn, that man would always be coated in yum.

It is a truth universally acknowledge that there will always be a gentleman to dance with, except at just the moment when you require one most.

Some are born great, others achieve greatness.

Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.

I gave you all!" screeched Lear, waving a palsied claw at Regan."And you took your bloody time giving it, too, you senile old fuck," said Regan.

Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.

We have two ears and only one tongue in order that we may hear more and speak less.

Charity . . . is the opium of the privileged.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.

When the going gets tough, the tough get a librarian.