I gripped hold of that scarf like my life depended on it. Still to this day I inhale it every night, despite what has happened over the years. I don’t blame her now for not waiting. For all she knew, I wouldn’t return. But to marry him, god, she could have done so much better.

Their marriage was cold and tedious. Formal and unloving. Stale even. She never had any regrets like this with Jack. With Jack, a rainy day would be cheerful.

So, let’s make this a little interesting… a race. If I win, then you have to polish every saddle and strap of leather of Byron’s, including all brasses and buckles. Oh, and every one of my many pairs of boots.”“And if I win?” I asked, already aware of what I wanted.“What would you like Jack… name it?”“A kiss.”She flushed red. “Fine. Count of three- one- two….”She wouldn’t even give me that three. She was off.

Well, I did tell you I couldn’t give you a thing. Maybe you’ve just realised that Alistair can give the god damn world, and the pleasure of kissing his shiny slap-head every day!

If I bother you so much, why did you let me kiss you again in that hospital? Is the reason to screw up my head more, to see if you still have the knack for it? Because congratulations Nell, you’ve succeeded yet again.

I will never return home to Elham. I can’t. To see her would crush me. I need to let her go now. And I need to move on. I’ve come to realise that she was right. We were two completely different people, and we didn’t belong together. But I will never hold any regrets of what we had. It will always be a time of my life that was perfect. Goodbye sweet Nell.