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I have never tried to walk through a mall in the Christmas season dressed like a jolly old elf. You might as well dress up like a pork chop and walk into an alley full of starving dogs.

Thomm Quackenbush , in Of Christmas Present
children dogs christmas santa-claus santa mall

We were poor back then. Not living in a cardboard carton poor, not “we might have to eat the dog” poor, but still poor. Poor like, no insurance poor, and going to McDonald's was a really big excitement poor, wearing socks for gloves in the winter poor, and collecting nickels and dimes from the washing machine because she never got allowance, that kind of poor… poor enough to be nostalgic about poverty. So, when my mom and dad took me here for my tenth birthday, it was a really big deal. They’d saved up for two months to take me to the photography store and they bought me a Kodak Instamatic film camera… I really miss those days, because we were still a real family back then… this mall doesn’t even have a film photography store anymore, just a cell phone and digital camera store, it’s depressing…

Rebecca McNutt , in Smog City
poverty nostalgia future poor past dog birthday film wishes shopping digital canada camera insurance nostalgic allowance cape-breton nova-scotia instamatic kodak coins cardboard mall mcdonald-s washing-machine

People that have a police car behind them pulling them over should put on their hazard lights and continue slowly driving to the nearest densely populated public place, such as a supermarket or shopping center. Pull over outside the busy entrance and start your video camera. Inform the police officer that you are video recording and very slowly give the requested documentation. Exercise your legal right to silence while the many independent witnesses video record the unexpected stop that rudely interrupts your day. If you are given a ticket, choose to go to court. It will give you time to obtain independent legal advice about the allegation.

Steven Magee
people silence busy time give day advice right choose place start driving behind center unexpected slowly stop car police rude shopping public video many court record pull outside inform legal given independent police-officer continue population obtain police-corruption recording camera policemen witnesses very supermarket lights about police-brutality police-state policeman allegations hazard while documentation ticket excercise entrance mall populated dense allegation densely interrupts nearest pulling requested rudely

Our best analyst thinks it's not a tactical design. Something for mall ninjas....Young men who dress to feel they'll be mistaken for having special capability. A species of cosplay, really. Endemic. Lots of boys are playing soldier now. The men who run the world aren't, and neither are the boys most effectively bent on running it next. Or the ones who're actually having to be soldiers, of course. But many of the rest have gone gear-queer, to one extent or another.

William Gibson , in Zero History
fashion ninja soldiers wannabe mall gear-queer mitty
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