The way I see it, our natural human instinct is to fight or flee that which we perceive to be dangerous. Although this mechanism evolved to protect us, it serves as the single greatest limiting process to our growth. To put this process in perspective and not let it rule my life, Iexpect the unexpected;make the unfamiliar familiar;make the unknown known;make the uncomfortable comfortable;believe the unbelievable.
Positive thinking is powerful thinking. If you want happiness, fulfillment, success and inner peace, start thinking you have the power to achieve those things. Focus on the bright side of life and expect positive results.
No matter how things appear have faith that they are always working out for you. Relax knowing that the universe is taking care of it. Your faith in a solution allows your vibration to rise, allowing your awareness to have access to ideas, help and solutions that reside at that higher frequency. Instagram: #aMessageOfLove
Have a specific vision / goal / dream, and power it with general and genuine feelings of love, appreciation, peace, abundance and passion...and always leave room for the universe to bring you even better. If you don't get what you desire it only ever means that you're destined for even greater. ( Instagram: #aMessageOfLove )
There is no glory in making yourself small, build yourself up. Believe in your abilities and worth, show the world who you are, love yourself fully, take action on your dreams, no more hiding away and being apologetic. What you believe you are you will become. Know you're destined for success. ( Instagram: #aMessageOfLove )
Be a survivor of the past, not a reviver of it. Your attention to that painful past either by resisting it or by consistently focusing upon it will continue to persist it. The present will continue to be powered by, and become a product of that painful past, Until you begin to acknowledge, allow and accept the past, it will continue to become your future. ( Instagram: #aMessageOfLove )
Expect success of yourself, no matter what you desire, intend to do it, to be it. Hoping and wishing for success isn't going to cut it. That energy isn't going to create success. Your FAITH is creative, you've got to know and intend for it to happen. Feeling that at a vibrational level it ALREADY has.( Instagram: #aMessageOfLove )
No matter what you desire to be or see, contemplate / meditate upon the idea of there being an unlimited abundance of it. Your belief is scarcity and limitation regarding your desire is keeping it from you. How you define something is how it must appear. Faith in abundance draws things to you, your faith in lack / limitation takes away what you already have. ( Instagram: #aMessageOfLove )
I will not allow my mistakes of the past compromise my hope for the future.
Even the smallest changes in our daily routine can create incredible ripple effects that expand our vision of what is possible.
Before I can become an expert on anything, I must first become an expert on me.
Usually the opposite of what we fear is our greatest fear.
It is how we nurture the good and deal with the bad that ultimately shapes our destiny.
Love, affection, even attention are not things that need pursuit. If they are not given freely, openly, willingly to you by another person, then stop trying to obtain them from that person. Someone else will gladly share theirs with you.
We all judge. But when I realize that judgmental thoughts and actions are merely my primitive nature trying to "protect" me from being one-upped or making sure I am not one-upped, it makes it easier to laugh at my silliness. �
In the School of Life events, situations, and the people you have attracted to be part of your personal experiences are synchronized perfectly in order to teach you the lessons that need to be learned. They show you exactly what is needed to be successful in your Life.
Take a moment, right now, and consider the enormity of activity going on inside of you – from the billions of cells to the even more billions of microscopic organisms. And in that same moment consider the enormity of activity in the oceans, the forests, the jungles, the earth below your feet, right now. And before you take your next breath, consider what might be going on in the outer regions of the universe. Finally, ask yourself, am I really in a position to discount possibilities beyond the limits of my conscious experience?
The thoughts that creep into our brain about other people tell us less about those people than they do about ourself...Understand that most judgments of others are an attempt to empower ourselves and give a sense of being better than the person we judge...Our primitive nature (automatic brain) helps us believe that this is necessary for protection. Following this natural tendency puts up further obstructions to the law of attraction.
Kuan Yin looks very traditional. Her hands are folded together. The thick cloth of her costume is folded perfectly," describes Lena. "Just as in the previous session, I’m reminded of the significance of the folds. I’m having an interesting vision that I haven’t thought about in many years. I see a beautiful tree where I used to go when I was a teenager. It stands majestic, atop the rolling hills behind the house where I grew up.Kuan Yin is at the tree looking very luminous. I see the bark of the tree, which looks very real, very three-dimensional. For some reason, Kuan Yin is touching the trunk of the tree.She suddenly seems very small next to me and she wants me to touch the tree. I’m not sure why. There is a tiny bird, with pretty feathers in its nest. It is about the size of a wren. I see the texture of the tree. I think it might be a birch. I’m not sure. ’Why should I touch the tree,’ I ask. She’s telling me that I created the tree, that it is another realm I was able to visit because life was too painful and lonely at home.”“You created the tree. You create your whole world with thoughts,” assures Kuan Yin.“Every time I try to touch the tree, Kuan Yin wants to help me touch it. There’s something different about this conversation. Usually we work on something about the earth. Because we’re revisiting my childhood, I get the impression Kuan Yin’s trying to show me something that maybe I created in my childhood.”“Well, do we all create our reality?” Kuan Yin asks of Lena.“I think she’s going to answer her own question,” comments Lena, from her trance.“Yes, you can create your reality. Once you free yourself from the negative effects of karma. I know it is sometimes difficult to differentiate between free will and karma. Focus upon your free will and your ability to create reality. I’m optimistic and hopeful you can do this.
You cannot “catch” anything unless you think you can, and thinking you can is inviting it to you with your thought. You are also inviting illness if you are listening to people talking about their illness. As you listen, you are giving all your thought and focus to illness, and when you give all of your thought to something, you are asking for it.
The ability to make a decision doesn’t require the absence of doubt or fear. Both vanish in the presence of responsibility, which emerges naturally in the presence of will. When we know what we truly want, the doubts that blur our decisions, the fears that make us succumb to luck and fate, all become secondary in the face of reason. That’s when we understand that our freewill and our options weren’t really there. We have created both by desire. The decision is basically conscience asking us to act on our subconscious desires.
The law of manifestation operates like a triangle: First, know what you want and visualize it as if you already had it; Second, see it behind the illusion of reality, practice it in your decisions, choose the people you hang out with, etc; Third, believe, have faith and work on your emotions to be at the right frequency. This triangle of manifestation is one of the secrets of many religions: Scientology, Freemasonry and Rosicrucianism. In Masonry is seen as "heart, mind and desire"; in Scientology is perceived as "reality, communication and emotions"; basically, "actions, learnings and affinity". In Christianity, is the "Father, son and holy ghost". Father equals reality or Creator of the illusion; The son is the way, the path, our decisions and actions; The holy ghost is our heart, instincts and desires. In word words, through Jesus, and with the power of the Holy Ghost, you reach God. This is an allegory that most Christians can't understand. Jesus represent behavior - right and wrong; holy ghost is faith, your heart and emotions, it's the energy that connects you to your dreams; God represents the architect of reality. So, through moral behavior and emotions, your understand God and life, and then you receive "paradise". This paradise is whatever you dream for yourself. If someone has shown you this way, he has been as an angel, a messenger of God. If someone stopped you from reaching it, he has been as a demon, worker of Satan. If you failed to see this path, you have directed yourself to hell. If you hate your life, you are in hell. If you want to get out of hell, you must accept the truth, and that is that you must know God, for he is the truth.
What Does Poor Posture Look Like?• Stiff & rigid• Slumping • Slouching• Hunched over• Rounded shoulders• Overly arched back• Stumbling• Head forwardIn sensitivity, we must be aware that many people suffer from poor posture because of physical disability, injury, health issues, heredity, obesity, or musculoskeletal construction. These descriptions are not meant to offend or judge people who are unable to change their posture.
Exaggerating Your Gestures“Have you ever walked through a door and been jumped on by an over-enthusiastic dog with big paws who practically knocked you down? Some people have that effect. Being too flamboyant and over-boisterous can be overkill and push people away. Drama queens and kings have mastered these exaggerations, much to the chagrin of their observers. Remaining intentional in your gestures is a mark of poise, elegance, and maturity.
Ask any person trained in sign language and they will confirm the fact that you can talk with your hands. Your hand gestures communicate for you and are an integral part of your language. While some people may come by hand gestures naturally, you can learn to be even more expressive to get your points across—and to be memorable.
We must remember that some hand gestures which are commonly used and widely accepted in the U.S. might be considered rude or offensive in other countries. As always, I encourage you to be mindful of how and where you use certain gestures to assure you maintain your professionalism and positive impressions.
A smart way of using your hands to make you look more interesting, thoughtful, and self-assured is to steeple your hands and fingers. Try using it strategically in formal environments or workplaces to show confidence and consideration.
Gestures and the Signals They Send• Rubbing your face, palms, and neck may signify anxiety and stress.• Arms crossed with clenched fists may signify hostility, anger, and impatience.• Arms crossed with each hand gripping other arm may signify insecurity and self-doubt.• Arms crossed with thumbs up may signify interest and engagement.• Or my favorite—arms crossed may signify that you are simply cold!• Fidgeting and squirming may signify that you are lying, afraid of being found out, insecure, or uncomfortable.• Standing with your hands behind your back may signify power and superiority.
In his book, How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie encourages you to greet people with "animation and enthusiasm." This form of kinesthetic responsiveness provides a splendid example of how impactful your gestures can be while responding to others. Whether it be running up to an old friend you have not seen in a while or standing up to greet a business associate when he approaches your table, being kinesthetically responsive is an impactful way to gesture your level of interest, engagement, and enthusiasm.
In her book, Ask Outrageously! my friend Linda Swindling suggests to “Mimic the body language of the most powerful people you know. They stand up straight, make appropriate eye contact, and use gestures to convey their points. Look at their feet. Usually they are placed about shoulder-width apart. They have an open stance. They smile and nod when they agree.”Begin paying attention to the poise, postures, and gestures of the people whom you admire and respect the most. How do they carry themselves to project excellence? Adapting their behaviors may serve you well to enhance and improve your body language.
As a professional speaker, Susanne travels all over the country and practically lives on airplanes. One day as she entered security to board yet another flight, she was struck by the poise, posture, and gestures of the man in front of her in line. As a communications expert, she observed his excellent presentation with appreciation and awe.The gentleman was dressed impeccably in a crisp white shirt and well-fitted suit and he sported a new haircut. She watched him as he removed his flawless leather belt, his gold money clip, and well-polished shoes. (And of course, he had Listerine in a baggie to ensure fresh breath!) The care with which he dismantled was impressive. His poised and fluid movements were deliberate and respectful of his personal possessions. As he regrouped and proceeded down the concourse, she was struck by how his stance and carriage intrigued and impressed her. His projection of elegance created a presence of pride and dignity. He left a remarkable impression.
Social orientation can be used to your advantage to make a great first impression; however, it can also backfire when we violate the boundaries of someone else’s personal space. Awareness of space, orientation, and proximity is a powerful tool for your relationship toolbox.
Become aware of the physical distance and spatial orientation that you experience while in the company of others. Being empathetic and sensitive to a person’s physical comfort zone can have a huge effect on the way in which you are received and perceived.
I have a few friends who are confined to wheelchairs for access and mobility. I don't want to always be looking down at them while they are looking up at me. To enjoy a meaningful conversation, I’m quick to kneel beside them or pull up a chair to talk at the same height. Begin to recognize the orientation of other people and align yourself with their body position and physical needs so that you may connect on a more balanced and effective level.
The Warm Welcome of Hospitality. Walt Disney World is the epitome of world-class customer service. Employees must be hyper-vigilant of spatial orientation to engage, impress, and interact with guests. For simply being near a guest, employees are trained to:• Make eye contact and smile.• Greet and welcome each and every guest.• Seek out guest contact.• Provide immediate service recovery.• Always display appropriate body language.• Preserve the “magical” guest experience.• Thank each guest and demonstrate that appreciation.
Many hospitality companies follow the "5 and 10 Rule," whereby when a customer is within ten feet of the employee, they should provide acknowledgement with eye contact and a genuine smile. When the customer is within five feet, it is encouraged to provide a warm welcome, sincere greeting, a friendly gesture, and offer to help, or to engage him or her in conversation.
In the legend of Camelot, King Arthur gave consideration as to how his knights might be positioned spatially to impart a message of power and status. He decided they would have their meetings at a round table, which meant that they were all considered equal and there was no “head of the table.” He built a league based on equality and mutual respect to unify and fortify the power of teamwork.
When you are sitting behind a desk with a person on the other side, there is a barrier between you that becomes a psychological and subliminal message. Some of the best leaders I know have a round table or a circle of chairs in their offices so that when people come in to speak with them, the arrangement lends itself to more engaging interaction. Using a roundtable in which there is no head fosters collaboration, cooperation, mutual respect, and equal positioning.
When having lunch or dinner at a long rectangular table, I prefer to take a middle chair so that I can turn to my left or to my right to make meaningful conversation with the people in attendance. When I have been seated at the very end, it can prove to be difficult to speak, hear, and connect with everyone there. Think ahead, and whenever possible, put yourself in the middle of the action!
Proxemics is the study of human use of space and the effects that population density has on behavior, social interaction, and communication. Imagine invisible bubbles around every person that provides each of us with comfort zones for social engagement and interaction.
In 1966, American anthropologist Edward T. Hall specified four distinct distance zones to describe the perception of physical space around us. Understanding these zones and honoring their invisible boundaries will give you a sixth sense about another person’s “space” as well as your own.Intimate Zone (less than 2’) —This zone represents our personal space and is reserved for the most trusted and loved people in our lives. Touching, hugging, standing side by side, and engaging in private conversations is common and encouraged. When an interloper violates this personal space, great discomfort and awkwardness can be created. What to do? Take a step back or sideways.Personal Zone (2’-4’) —This is the distance for interaction with good friends, family, social gatherings, or parties. It's an easy and relaxed space for talking, shaking hands, gesturing, laughing and making faces. Social Zone (4’-12') —This zone seems to be an appropriate distance for casual friends, colleagues, and acquaintances to interact. It is the comfortable distance we maintain while interacting or addressing large groups of people.Public Zone (over 12’) —This is the distance we keep from strangers or persons with little acquaintance. It provides the greatest distance between people. This is a safe space that still allows us to experience community and belonging with new people.
As you seek new opportunities to make favorable first impressions, be ever aware of the subtle effect that physical positioning and distance/closeness can have on your interactions with others and use this understanding to your advantage.
As you navigate the various zones with people, a variety of specific physical and psychological responses is elicited from them. Until you know someone, avoid invading his or her personal space. Getting closer gradually demonstrates that you like the other person. This gradual and comfortable approach begins the circle of rapport—he sees that you like him, he likes that you like him, and he reciprocates by liking you back.
As you navigate the various zones with people, a variety of specific physical and psychological responses are elicited from them. Until you know someone, avoid invading his or her personal space. Getting closer gradually demonstrates that you like the other person. This gradual and comfortable approach begins the circle of rapport—he sees that you like him, he likes that you like him, and he reciprocates by liking you back.
Have you decided to simply smile and nod to avoid a confrontation with someone who was being a jerk? Have you ever feigned agreement with your face to get along with others, even when you disagreed with their position? We all have. Your expressions of emotion can protect you at times in awkward situations, and when used with integrity. Test the waters by responding with an expression of curiosity or bewilderment when someone is acting inappropriately.
While smiling is a powerful facial gesture, there are other expressions on your face which reveal an extraordinary number of emotions. A body language of its own, people will read your facial messages and form opinions about you before you’ve even said a word.
Look at the single words below; wear these emotions on your face for just a moment. Try them on for size and note how they make you feel:Happiness. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Contempt. Surprise. Disgust.These are the basic human emotions which communicate with clear understanding across cultures, languages, and countries. In other words, a smile naturally conveys happiness and a frown naturally conveys sadness, no matter where you may be using your passport.
According to the “universality studies” conducted by psychologists Paul Ekman, Carroll Izard, and Friesen (1969-1972), the words Happiness. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Contempt. Surprise. Disgust.describe the natural expressions of emotion shared by the entire human race.
Beyond these universal expressions of emotion, there are hundreds of variations which are often a matter of choice, whether consciously or subconsciously. Most every facial movement is connected to an emotion that conveys your state of being and your attitude
It is through these facial expressions that we write and feel our life story, create lifelong social habits—through which we are received and perceived by a multitude of others. When you want to make a positive first impression, let your face know!
See Your Expressions Through the Eyes of Others. Take the initiative to stand in front of a mirror and practice a wide range of emotions so that you can see what other people are seeing. Video tape yourself and watch your movements and your expressions. You can pick up on clues to what you need to fix and where you could improve your presentation.
My friend Julie was cooking dinner in her kitchen one night. Her expression was blank as she stood alone working by herself. Her daughter walked in and gasped, “Mom! What’s wrong?” She said “Nothing. I’m fine.” In response, her daughter added, “Then tell your face! You scared me!” Emotional expressions can easily be misinterpreted when we are not aware of what people are seeing. Being deep in thought can look that way.
When my son was a teenager, he would use the ‘poker face’ tactic when I was lecturing, nagging, or suggesting. As a parent, it was maddening because I could not read his reactions! His stoicism would sometimes deflate my efforts or make me surrender in laughter, changing the subject all together.
Well Hello Halo! It is human nature for us to make generalized judgments about a person using only a couple of traits. The "Expressivity Halo" Theory explains how we connect various personalities to specific facial expressions and assign assumptions about that person.
We are more likely to trust a person who is easier to read; they're easier to believe. Or we tend to think that an energetic and happy person will be more productive. Even traits such as competence, dominance, and courage can be conveyed by certain facial expressions and will stimulate unconscious bias.
As a professional speaker, my facial expressions are essential for effectively telling stories, engaging audiences, fostering involvement, and connecting on a personal level. One day I decided to get Botox in my forehead to erase a few wrinkles and signs of aging. Much to my surprise and disappointment, I could no longer raise my eyebrows. My face was stuck in a heavy-browed expression, which is the polar-opposite of my joyful spirit and enthusiastic nature. It makes a funny story, but it taught me that authenticity wins over vanity any day!
Poise: a graceful and elegant bearing in person; a composure of dignity and manner.Postures: the position of a person’s body when standing, sitting, or walking; carriage, bearing, and stance.Gestures: moving parts of your body to express an idea, opinion, emotion, or meaning.“Poise confirms purpose. Postures portray personality. Gestures express emotions. Your poise, postures, and gestures make a powerful statement about who you are and how you feel about yourself. This dynamic trio speaks volumes about you.
How do you enter a room? How do you walk into a job interview? How do you approach a sales prospect for the first time? Accomplished leaders know that the way they make an entrance can project their confidence and set the tone for their interaction with others. Use your poise, postures, and gestures to make it grand.
Your poise, postures, and gestures are the physical manifestations of your attitudes, perceptions, belief systems, self-esteem, feelings, and engagement. Be sure to know if they are working well or hindering the actualization of your potential. Being the architect for your habitual patterns of non-verbal language, you have the power to change any of it at any time.
ASK YOURSELF: Do you appear self-confident or unsure? Do you project a calm demeanor or scream instability? Do you come across as a leader or try to stay invisible? Do you walk with purpose and intention or doubt and trepidation? Do you look vibrant and energetic, or stressed out and overwhelmed?
It has been said that poise is our highest state of consciousness. It reflects your presence, composure, balance, gratitude, discretion, and self-respect. Whether a man or a woman, a poised person carries within themselves an elegant air of dignity and grace. Their personal brand is polished and purposeful.
Poised Positioning• Be mindful of how you use your body to communicate.• Be fully present in the moment.• Be thoughtful and gracious in your actions.• Be fluid and elegant in your movements.• Express flow—walk in freedom and spontaneity.• Develop an unshakeable sense of authentic inner confidence and certainty.• Develop a deep respect for others.• Move slower and more deliberately.• Walk in integrity, class, and modesty.• Smile kindly and laugh softly.• Become a student of manners and etiquette.
In years gone by, particularly in the East and the South, ladies would attend charm school to learn how to elegantly stand, sit, dance, and walk. Even today, there are "Cotillion" classes for young people to learn how to carry themselves with dignity and use proper social graces. I don't mind sounding old-fashioned because these culturally rich rituals lay a firm foundation for the appropriate behaviors and excellent manners necessary for a positive impression. Embracing a tried and true tradition can sometimes be beneficial. Let's avoid the awkward, embarrassing, and unsophisticated ways we see all too often.
9 Reasons Why Improving Your Posture is ImportantBy projecting strength and excellence in your physical presence, you will. . . 1. Look better and feel better.2. Appear, and be, more fit and healthy.3. Powerfully influence your mindset.4. Appear more confident, self-assured, and competent.5. Carry yourself with more purpose and intention.6. Breathe deeper and get more oxygen in your body, which will improve your energy and health.7. Reduce or prevent back pain and muscle tension.8. Improve productivity by energizing your physiology.9. Make a significantly more positive impression.
12 Ways to Improve & Project Confident Posture1. Go people watching. Note how you interpret the different postures you observe. This will expand your awareness of how posture impacts first impressions and will help you become more aware of yours.2. Stand in front of a mirror to see what other people are seeing. Are your shoulders level? Are your hips level? Do you appear aligned? Are you projecting confidence or timidity?3. Take posture pictures to provide you with points of reference and a baseline over time. Look at past photos of yourself.4. Stand with your back against a wall and align your spine.5. Evenly balance on both feet, spaced hip-width apart.6. Take yoga or Pilates classes to strengthen your core muscles, improve flexibility, and balance, all which support your posture.7. Consciously pull your shoulders back, stand erect with chin held high.8. Practice tucking in your stomach, pulling your shoulders back, raising your chin, and looking straight ahead.9. Sit up straight without being rigid.10. Enter a room like you belong there or own it.11. Stand with an open stance to be welcoming and approachable.12. Angle your body towards the person to whom you are speaking. Angling your body away may signify that you are indifferent, fearful, putting up a barrier, or trying to get away from them.
Poor Posture Promotes . . . In addition to sabotaging people’s perceptions and impressions of you, poor posture can cause uncomfortable health issues:• Fatigue• Discomfort• Neck and back pain• Muscle imbalance• Headaches and body aches• Structural changes to your body
Being culturally aware and respectful of others’ cultures will help you to keep the habit of making eye contact in context. As a matter of fact, in some parts of the world making eye contact can be construed as being exactly the opposite of what I am sharing in these pages. Making a great first impression is always about the specific environment and circumstance, isn’t it?
As we explore this valuable non-verbal language, please note that these principles do not apply in many cultures around the world. In some cultures, direct eye contact may offend, affront, violate, or threaten.
We've all been in the middle of a conversation and the person with whom we are speaking breaks eye contact, appears distracted, glazes over, or looks elsewhere. Their simple eye movement can quickly break down communications by making us feel ignored, dismissed, or rejected. For some, it may be accidental and unintentional, while for others, avoiding eye contact is on purpose.
12 Reasons Why People Avoid Eye Contact1. They do not want to reveal their feelings.2. They are not being honest and truthful.3. It makes them feel vulnerable and exposed.4. They are being rude or indifferent.5. They are ashamed or embarrassed to talk about something.6. They are nervous or lacking confidence.7. It makes them feel very uncomfortable.8. They are arrogant, snobby, and pretentious.9. They are afraid of saying the wrong thing or looking stupid.10. They are shy or introverted.11. They are accessing internal thoughts or emotions to process and contemplate information.12. Or as mentioned before, and important to remember, it may simply be a cultural value or behavior.
There are times when eye contact can move to the dark side and become creepy, hostile, rude, or condescending. When it is overused or made for the wrong reasons, eye contact can make others feel uncomfortable and leave a terrible impression . . . • obsessive staring• mocking• too much intensity • inappropriate focus• averting eyes• obvious contempt • gawking, ogling • casting the "evil eye"• over-watching• intimidating• unwelcome looks• rolling the eyes
As with most things in life, a healthy balance will keep us on the right path. To avoid too much eye contact or too little, seek to create a comfortable mix. It is generally encouraged to use more eye contact when you are listening and less when you are speaking.
When speakers make eye contact with an audience, they will be perceived as being more prepared, more competent, confident, and trustworthy. Eye contact helps to relax the speaker and reminds them that their audience is made up of separate individuals who perceive things differently. Audience response is clearly seen in the expressions of their eyes.
7 Ways to Improve Eye Contact at any Time1. Relax into the moment by smiling.2. Practice making eye contact with people you trust, so that when you are with strangers, it is easier to form a connection.3. When you feel uncomfortable, begin by looking at their mouth or forehead.4. Lean in and show that you are interested and attentive.5. Put a little space between you and the other person.6. Remember that the other person may be feeling just as awkward.7. Don’t give them a blank stare throughout a conversation. Rather, practice gazing down or to the side every few moments so that you appear relaxed.
A genuine smile is inviting, contagious, encouraging, and brings joy into the world. It instantly tells others that you are glad to see them, that they are important and you are approachable.
Smiling is truly one of the most generous gifts you can give to another. You never know when your smile may inspire the sad, encourage the hopeless, heal a heart, or change someone's world for the better.
You would be surprised how even the simplest of smiles can ease a social situation, encourage another, remove barriers, and dissolve differences. It is not only a gift to the recipient, but you will receive affirming returns on your investment.
Smiling reduces blood pressure by lowering the stress-inducing hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. As my mother, who is now in her eighties, navigates the challenges of aging, her mantra has become, “Keep moving and keep smiling.” She has observed the rapid decline of her friends who haven’t. She is striving to stay strong, happy, and vital; her desire to smile is helping her to live a healthier, more satisfying, and longer life.
Research has shown that smiling releases endorphins—the happy hormones that shift your physiology for improved well-being. When you smile and your eyes crinkle, your body releases chemicals that change the chemistry of your brain, lifting spirits, and reducing pain. Even when it is hard to smile and you are forcing it, positive changes take place in your physiology.
No matter your age, a smile makes you look and feel better. People spend billions of dollars every year to get pumped, pulled, tucked, and tweaked in hopes of being more beautiful. But there is nothing like a genuine smile to transform your appearance and provide an instant facelift.
I attended a symposium to hear Shilagh Mirgain, Ph.D. speak on Mindful Leadership. Throughout her program, I made sure to make eye contact and smile to support, affirm, and engage with her presentation. When audience members do this for me, it adds an extra punch of dynamic energy that enriches my presentations and improves my performance.
One of the speaking programs I deliver is entitled, "Service with a Smile . . . How to Create a Sensational Customer Experience." Smiling is at the heart of my teaching because when employees smile while delivering service, it tells the guest/client/customer . . . You matter.You are important.We are glad you are here.We appreciate your business.
Whether you smile to make a great first impression for customer service, building rapport, communicating your intentions, networking, sharing your happiness, closing deals, or demonstrating you are fully present and engaged, smiling is the key to your success.
Smiling Bloopers• Insincere smiling can backfire! (Different from a shy smile that just beckons a friendly "hello.")• Transitioning from a smile to a straight face, too quickly, may give others the impression that you are fake or do not like them.• Going overboard and smiling all the time, especially when it is inappropriate, will make you appear insincere.• If your mouth smiles, but your eyes don’t, there is a disconnect that can make you appear less authentic and trustworthy.
Approachable people . . . 1. Use body language to their advantage.2. Are open-minded to new people and new experiences.3. Encourage others to feel better about themselves.4. Are willing to be told not what they want to hear, but what they need to hear.5. Provide an inviting aura that is warm and comforting.6. Realize that authenticity and transparency earn trust.7. Intuitively tune into the feelings and needs of others.8. Are emotionally steady and respond appropriately when they sense awkwardness or discomfort in others.9. Radiate happiness and curbs cynicism. 10. Provide a safe environment for others to express themselves.11. Make others feel valued and appreciated.12. Listen and consider other people’s viewpoints and opinions.
Mirroring is a powerful neuro-linguistic programming technique that can be used to bond with others, build rapport, and reach mutual understanding more quickly. You may already be using it instinctively without even being aware.
Mirroring is simply the process of discreetly matching and mirroring the subtle behaviors and qualities of the person with whom you are connecting. It's a form of behavioral reflection that unconsciously reveals, "We're more alike than we are different.
Mirroring is especially helpful when our differences may divide. Think of the times when you have made a diligent effort to speak in another person’s native language to communicate and connect with comfort. By doing this, you are extending a considerate courtesy to meet them where they are, thus removing barriers and improving engagement.
Why Does Mirroring Work? Scientific research suggests ‘mirroring’ techniques works because of the mirror-neurons which are fired in our brains when we both perceive and take action. When we observe someone doing something, we may feel as if we are having the same experience.
When you see someone smile, does it naturally make you want to smile back? When you are irritable, do you find that people mirror your irritability? When someone yawns around you, do automatically do the same? When you hear someone celebrating, do you feel inclined to join in and celebrate too? Your responses are not forced, but instinctual and empathetic.
Who are we the most comfortable with? People who are the most like us! The “Similarity-Attraction Hypothesis” (Newcomb, 1956) found that similar (real or perceived) personalities are a major determinant of our likability and friendship choices. It is simply human to gravitate toward people like us. This tribal inclination runs the gamut across demographics of age, ethnicity, culture, education, religion, and even personality style. Mirroring will enable you to find ways to create the comfort of familiarity through similarity.
Since we know people like to do business with people who are most like themselves, consider this: Excellent sales people understand that "matching and mirroring" another person’s body language is a powerful technique and subliminal way to develop trust, build rapport, and make their clients more comfortable and engaging. Subtly mirroring the postures, gestures, and body language of your client inspires a kinship of commonality.
Early in my sales career, various sales trainers taught our teams how to use matching and mirroring to build rapport and earn trust with our clients. When done well, it would inevitably help us improve customer service and closing ratios. It was not encouraged as a deceptive sales practice to manipulate, but rather a subtle way to make a great first impression and connect on a meaningful level.
By mirroring, speaking, and moving in tandem with my clients, I provided them with a sense of familiar comfort and ease which helped us work well together. When they leaned forward, I would lean forward. When they crossed their arms, I would cross my arms. When they began speaking slowly and quietly, I would do the same. These subtle actions help to us to communicate more effectively.
Whatever you are putting out into the universe is going to be returned unto you and have a direct correlation to what you are getting back. In many ways, you are a magnet and manifest accordingly.
Think of your personal and professional life—are you attracting what you want? Are you attracting the kind of people you like? Do you feel that life is working for you or against you? How have others been treating you? Are you pleased with your results?
You can shift other people's attitudes by shifting your own. When people project rudeness, impatience, and intolerance they attract the same in return. If someone looks like they are having a difficult day, you can shift their world by simply sharing a kind word.
Modeling for others a sincerely positive and encouraging countenance will not only enrich their lives, it can foster trust and appreciation for you. This subtle technique of mirroring can help others feel compatibility with you and lead them to feel better about themselves. A win for everybody!
5 Tips for Mirroring Others1. Body language. When they smile, you smile. When they lean back in their chair, you lean back in your chair. When they cross their legs or fold their arms, you do the same.2. Vocabulary or specific words. Notice their language and the words they choose and use—their keywords, expressions, expletives, or phrases. 3. Communication style. People receive, process, and deliver information in different ways. Notice whether someone is results driven or relaxed, emotional or pragmatic, talkative or observant. Recognizing their style will enable you to adapt your style to theirs to build rapport and improve communication.4. Vocal style. a. Speech rate—If they are talking fast, you talk fast. If they are talking slowly, you talk slowly. Consider rhythm, pace, and tempo. b. Volume—If they are speaking quietly and softly, match their volume. c. Tone—Mirror their emotion, tone, and pitch. You can even seek to mirror their grammar and dialect, as long as it is discreet and respectful.
Mirroring and matching works at the sub-conscious level and serves to make the other person feel more “comfortable” and connected to you. These subliminal actions can create a subconscious feeling of unison and connection that demonstrate how much you have in common.
Your direct eye contact is one of the best compliments you can give another human being. You are subliminally telling them that you are listening, they matter, and that what they have to say is important.
When you make eye contact with another person, you can send thousands of silent messages without even speaking a word. No wonder eye contact can be both a direct form of communication and an elusive attribute at the same time.
One simple glance can convey to your recipient that you are . . .• Present• Interested• Paying attention• Being respectful• Listening• Confident• Engaged• Caring• Dedicated• Appreciative• Empathetic• Focused• Supportive• Trustworthy• Acknowledging• ExcitedThis list barely scratches the surface; however, it opens the conversation about how vital your eye contact is for making positive first impressions.
Whether it is in a sales situation, love at first sight, a husband and wife having an important conversation, a parent disciplining a child, or a teacher instructing her students, eye contact is a powerful body language for enriching engagement, focus, and communication.