How initially 'to get her in the sack' and subsequently to avoid 'her giving you the sack' are not identical dilemmas faced by the male species, but they sure have a bizarre habit of being bedfellows

Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT.

True friends chop the onions and cry together.

If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.

Be calm on your wedding day; she won’t kill you in front of a hundred people, no matter what you've done.

Dead people are just great. Meet me when you are.

Some of them screamed. Some of them wept. Some of them grinned like LSD was a blast. A case officer said John Stanton hatched the idea - lets flood Cuba with this shit before we invade. Langley co-signed the brainstorm. Langley embellished it: Let's induce mass hallucinations and stage the second coming of Christ!!!! Langley found some suicidal actors. Langley dolled them up to look like J.C. Langley had them set to pre-invade Cuba concurrent with the dope saturation. Peter howled. The case officer said, 'It's not funny.' A drug-zorched peon whipped out his wang and jacked off.

Casting a curious gaze down on planet Earth, extra-terrestrial beings could well be forgiven for assuming that we humans are programmed in every move we make, by a palm-sized, oblong, slab of glass. More perplexing than that, who on earth could convince them otherwise ?

The decker these ***holes brought with them is top tier, but I'm going to stomp his jelly beans so hard his kids will be born crooked.

There are a number of rules that should be observed when one meets royalty, ranging from what one can say and when, to where one should stand, when one can sit, even where one should look. Sindy bobbed a nervous curtsy and, before being introduced, blurted out an invitation to come inside whilst looking John directly in the eye.

Help yourself with the state! It's on democracy!

But it is infamous that they have not told you!’ declared Eustacie. ‘Je n’en reviendrai jamais!’‘If it’s all the same to you, miss, I’d just as soon you’d talk in a Christian language,’ said Mr. Stubbs.

Yesterday I bought myself a new, very sharp kitchen knife.And I managed to cut my finger within 5 minutes of getting home!Those plastic packages are bloody dangerous!!!

Who's possessing who now, Casper?

I love religious nuts. They make me remember I have them too. So, being a health nut, I scratch them religiously. Just as I do my butt.

Life is easy. Just stay un-dead.

I love you silly 'holy' book. Here's hoping everybody un-reads it.

It sounded somewhat doom-laden, so I felt obliged to look it up more thoroughly, in case I should eat some chocolate rather quickly.

I do not want to sound cynical or condescending, but your lips are moving, your mind unbending.

Believe you me, I am all for you; and wish you well - for you to go to hell.

An atheist is a person who has nobody to blame when he screws up.

Of course I love you. For real. I will sure come and personally meet you myself. Just to make sure you're well. When is your funeral?

He quite liked dentists’ waiting rooms. Waiting for dentists was good. Waiting for them was so much better than having them stick metal spikes in your mouth.

You are not a murderer. I find it difficult to think of that as a personality flaw.

Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too.

Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags.

Children throw tantrums because they've imagined their 'father in heaven' does so. And because, their inherited religious book has, in written, shown them so.

Monkeying around with other apes, a monkey was made - called, HUMAN. God is great!

Whenever I wish to pay my respect to you, my middle finger says, it must first.

I wish you well - if you will die. May you rest in peace.

I never knew, apes talk. Apparently, you do.

If I were married, I would be unmarried.

I'm fascinated by idiots... Here's looking at you, kid!