Belief is a wonderful way to pass the time until the facts come in.
Politics to me was the whining of an old braggart too proud to admit his faults and too vain to try something new. All of their agendas and manifestos were nothing but a lucrative offer to deceive the fools and encourage the clever in deceiving more fools.
A professional headshot in front of a bookshelf says you're an intellectual. A professional headshot peeking though a bookshelf says you're probably under a restraining order.
The world’s most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife.
An inch to a man’s heart is a mile to his wallet.
Get high on love, not drugs.
Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.
Your wife is smarter than you; know this, and you will live happily ever after.
Love came, it saw, and it conquered me.
Falling in love with someone is intentional, even if it was their looks that tripped you.
There is nothing wrong with being a puppet if love is the one pulling the strings.
The easiest way to remember your future wife’s birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.
If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.
The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.
Be calm on your wedding day; she won’t kill you in front of a hundred people, no matter what you've done.
Love is a hook; the moment a man swallows it, a woman knows she has him forever.
Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.
A kiss is the only thing you can throw at someone without being held criminally responsible.
Men like to borrow kisses because they know they will have to pay them back.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend until love introduces her to her soulmate.
Casting a curious gaze down on planet Earth, extra-terrestrial beings could well be forgiven for assuming that we humans are programmed in every move we make, by a palm-sized, oblong, slab of glass. More perplexing than that, who on earth could convince them otherwise ?
All I have is me, myself and I and we are all getting really tired of each other.
An angry wife can be more frightening than an army of disgruntled soldiers.
Owning a drone does not a pilot make.
You never know what you will find in your pants!
I enjoy self-publishing & sending publishers rejection letters. They're like, 'Who is this guy?' And I'm like, 'the end of your industry.
I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married.
If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.
A mother’s eyes are like God; impossible to get away from, they see everything.
Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you’re right.
Do billboard salesmen record their sales on charts? If so, who's at the top of the billboard charts for billboard sales?
Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too.