Is there n-nothing you can do?” Parmida asked, wiping her tears away with the heel of her hand. The unicorn laughed softly. “She asks for a boon after shooting me in the ass.

There's a FEW THINGS you need to get STRAIGHT about being GAY..." "That's an OXYmoron.""You'll be an OXYmoron if you don't listen. GAY men SUCK and FUCK. They don't go around falling in LOVE. At least not with every TOM, DICK and HARRY.

Where's Kahn?""In bed. You don't mind if I pet your little pink kitty? Do you?" I chuckled, "You mean my HOT DIGGITY DOG.

Shifting my weight and readjusting my stance, I'm eventually able to do like he wants, floating up and down in the palms of his hands."That's it-" he said.I ask if this is how he and Frieda do it. Laughing, he nods his head no."Why NOT?""Because-- unlike YOU- she's not very FOND of getting corn-holed.

If erotic writing is the objectification of sex, then reading is its subjectification.

I tagged your ass the other night," I said, "while you were sleeping- and you liked it.""Really? I thought it was a dream." "It was. A WET one.

If you are what you eat, then why aren’t you what you desire?"Desire stands in the great no-man’s land of human activity: the zone of most conflict, fear, and anxiety. It scares us. We are often asked to hate it—by those who claim to have given it up for “better” things, and who often, hypocritically, haven’t.

After six long hours of driving and three rest stops, Tiger pulls up to a snow-topped, metal speaker box just outside the State Penitentiary's first gate in Walla Walla. As he rolls down his window and snow flies in his face, Joshua starts begging for a Happy Meal.I turn around, snapping at him. "This ISN'T MCDONALDS and YOU AREN'T HUNGRY. NOW SHUT UP BRAT."A loud scratchy masculine voice blasts out of the speaker. "CAN I HELP YOU?"Tiger leans out the window, as he answers- We're here to visit Raven Chandler."HAVE YOU BEEN HERE BEFORE?""Yes sir. I've been here A LOT." "WHERE'S HIS MOTHER?""I don't know.. I haven't seen her in months.""NOT THE PRISONER'S MOTHER. THE BRAT IN THE BACK SEAT OF YOUR JEEP.""Oh- HIM-" As he turns, smiling and sticking his tongue out at Joshua, I lean towards his window to answer the guard's question. "SHE'S IN VEGAS, SIR. I'M BABYSITTING. HE'S MY GODSON." When the speaker remains disturbingly silent for far too long, I continue. "HE'S A GOOD BOY SIR. HE WON'T BE ANY TROUBLE- I SWEAR." "THAT'S RIGHT," Tiger said. "HE SWEARS ON THE LITTLE BRAT'S MOTHER'S GRAVE.

Never boyfriends? You've NEVER been in LOVE?"As I shake my head no, I look out the window, yearning to see Cole's sun-filled eyes again looking into mine."Don't worry," Tiger said. "Love isn't easy- and it happens on its own time. Just hang in there. He’ll come around.

As I'm smiling but fearing for the worse, he asks if I was in the Navy."NO. THIS IS JUST MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME.""WELL, I WAS... FOR NEARLY TWENTY YEARS."I don't know whether he wants me to apologize for impersonating a sailor, thank him for his service, or stop drooling as I melt into his eyes

I laughed, "I don’t have a CHANCE IN HELL of ever turning COLE DRIVER GAY. He's straighter than NEIL PATRICK HARRIS.

Raven, holding Joshua's chin, asks him how old he is.Joshua, folding in the pinky and the thumb on his left hand, while leaning on Raven's legs, raises three middle fingers into the air."That's what I thought. You're three.

Monday is a sloppy umbrella day, which makes everybody a little blue. Cole, dropping by my office in the morning, wastes no time in blowing off steam. "You can TAKE this DAY and SHOVE IT where the SUN DOESN'T SHINE," he growled."Too late. Somebody already DID THAT.

WILL YOU BE BRINGING A DATE?""PROBABLY NOT.""OH COME ON," Dora said. "I'M SURE THAT YOU MUST HAVE LOTS OF BOYFRIENDS-- AND GIRLFRIENDS..."I nod my head no and explain that my sex life is complicated."HOW SO?" Tommy asked."MY BOYFRIEND'S STRAIGHT.""OH. WOW," Dora said. "MINE TOO." We laugh.

After driving 30-minutes East of Seattle, I expect to see a great bowling alley. But, as we pull into the parking lot, all I see are pot holes, a horse and Amish buggy, and no cars to speak of- broken down or otherwise. Even the building is in shambles, needs painted and looks a bit haunted. The old road sign reading- Flicker Lanes- is half-burnt out. Seeing the building's interior lights on, I'm reassured that the place is open- but then again, maybe they've been left on by mistake. "There's LOTS of NICE bowling alleys in SEATTLE," I said. "Why did we come ALL THIS WAY to go BOWLING?""I take it that you've never BEEN here before.""I don't think ANYONE HAS. I don't even KNOW what PLANET we're on.""I don't know what PLANET you're on either... but the rest of us are on your ANUS."I half-smile, marveling at his wittiness.

This is Doctor Norton. Who's calling?""Step N’Wolfe- the owner of the Emerald Cascade Ranch on Green Valley Road. I have a horse in labor and the baby's already coming out of the horse's ass.""You should of called sooner.

Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?""Not at all. Shoot-""Do you have butt implants?

You're a superCILIOUS cock SUCKER. You know that." "IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE.

In the morning, as we're enjoying a shower together, Cash asks Mikey how long he's been working here."Since I was fourteen.""How OLD are you now?""Eighteen.""Nice. Are there any other hot guys working here besides you?""I'm not a prostitute. I'm a ranch hand.""Sorry- I didn't mean-" "It's okay."As they kiss and make up, I inform Cash that I was Mikey's first."Really?" Cash laughed. "You were?""Yeah-" Mikey answered. "He was.""I was his birthday present last month..."Cash laughed, "How much did that set you back-?

Oh-" I rest my back against the door to my apartment and purr as I slide down to the floor. "I need to get a tux too." "GREAT. We'll stop at the Tux Boutique tomorrow... while we're out making babies. I mean DELIVERIES. Sorry-""I'd love that. Making babies... that is...

With him, I've become like putty- rendered powerless by his magnificence- and his to mold into whatever he desires.