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I'll have that someday, thought Peter. Someone who'll kiss me good-bye at the door. Or maybe just someone to put a blindfold over my head before they shoot me. Depending on how things turn out.

Orson Scott Card , em Shadow of the Hegemon
life death humor goals aspirations funny-but-sad

The secret is,” I say, whispering right into his ear, “that yours was the best kiss I’ve ever had in my life.”“But I’ve never kissed you,” he whispers back. Around us the rain sounds like falling glass. “Not since third grade, anyway.” I smile, but I’m not sure if he can see it.“Better get started, then,” I say, “because I don’t have much time.

Lauren Oliver , em Before I Fall
life time first-kiss funny-but-sad

Abandoned babies are unfortunate unwanted results of a once urgent desire to have an orgasm

David Cross , em I Drink for a Reason
humor babies funny funny-but-sad

Lipstick?" He arched a brow."I'm on the hunt for my perfect shade," I respond, de

Gena Showalter , em A Mad Zombie Party
sad humour funny humour-quote funny-but-sad witty-banter

I surround myself with all eight throw pillows while hugging two. “What is so bad and uninteresting about me, Alex? Peter was the fifth break up–“–Sixth–” “–Sixth break up in the last two years. And I’m always the dumpee. Are my conversations that boring that no man wants to stay?”“Sandra, with this topic, yes. But usually, no.

Ambrosea Brown , em Will: Marry a Liar
life-and-living humour funny-but-sad

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

Carroll Bryant
humor humorous funny-but-true hilarious funny-as-hell funny-humor funny-but-sad comical

Wisdom of the Ages: "Look out Below!" Air Asia's catchy new advertising slogan.

Matthew Heines
humorous humorous-quotes funny-quotes humor-quotes humorist funny-but-sad

Wisdom of the Ages "US News Media" If the devil is the father of all lies, isn't the US News Media their bitchy stepmother?

Matthew Heines
humorous-quotations funny-but-true humorous-quotes funny-quotes humorist funny-but-sad humorist-extraordinaire

Wisdom of the Ages: "President's Day" One allowed the Federal Reserve and one got lead. One got a city and the other got dead.

Matthew Heines
humorous-quotations humorous-quotes humor-quotes funny-but-sad funny-quotations

Wisdom of the Ages "Unsuccessful Town Slogans" Sequim (WA)- "We put the Dung in Dungeness.

Matthew Heines
humorous-quotes funny-quotes funny-humor humor-quotes humorist funny-but-sad

Wisdom of the Ages: "Government" Like a mafia protection racket-without the protection.

Matthew Heines
humor humorous-quotations humorous-quotes funny-quotes humorist funny-but-sad

Wisdom of the Ages: "National Symbol" With the preponderance of lawyers, banksters, arms, drug and tobacco dealers in our government, shouldn't our national symbol be changed from the eagle to the vulture?

Matthew Heines
humor humorous-quotations funny-but-true humorous-quotes funny-quotes humorist funny-but-sad national-character

Wisdom of the Ages: "Skull and Bones" A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.

Matthew Heines
humorous-quotations funny-but-true humorous-quotes funny-quotes humor-quotes funny-but-sad

Wisdom of the Ages: "The Pope and Congress" It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.

Matthew Heines
humorous-quotes funny-quotes funny-stuff humor-quotes humorist funny-but-sad

America is still AmeriKKKa. rather we like it or not

Fee Scott
true reality-check funny-but-sad

I'm falling into disrepair

Anne Tyler , em Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant
aging funny-but-sad

So, my sweet, did it put the fun into funeral?

Johnny Rich , em The Human Script
funny fun funeral funerals funny-but-sad

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