I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Mercifully one forgets one's love affairs as one forgets one's dreams.

I mean, you may cause others a spot of bother by your weaknesses, perhaps, but coping with you may possibly increase their strength and sympathy. But if you sin deliberately, even if it seems only against yourself--well--you won't be the only one to suffer. You may even be the one who suffers least.

He could sell the Pope on financing a Mormon tabernacle.

Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too large.

I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years.

I don't believe in astrology - of course that's very typical of Leos.

The rich can be "eccentric " the poor have to be considered "nuts."

If I only had a little humility I'd be perfect.

The ability to sin differs among people. For example a short-armed fisherman isn't as big a liar as a long-armed one.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.

At home I am a nice guy but I don't want the world to know. Humble people I've found don't go very far.

I never gossip but I can give you the names of certain people who do.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

He talks at the drop of a pause.

Deep down I'm really shallow.

No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have - and I think he's a dirty little beast.

Everyone is ignorant only on different subjects.

What a pity human beings can't exchange problems. Everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow's.

She realizes she doesn't know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her age.

The worst thing about a bore is not that he won't stop talking but that he won't let you stop listening.

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

When compelled to cook I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

It gives me great strength to know that half the people I meet are below average.

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing other patients.

We'd all like a reputation for generosity and we'd all like to buy it cheap.

I may have faults but being wrong ain't one of them.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said "No bablo ingles."

I'm not at all stuck up . . . although judging from those around me I have every right to be.

Lead me not into temptation I can find the way myself.

I've got nothing against girls in tight sweaters - darn it!

Let's just say he has too many pigeons on his antenna.

I have my standards. They may be low but I have them.

Show me someone who never gossips and I'll show you someone who isn't interested in people.

I always read the last page of a book first so that if I die before I finish I'll know how it turned out.

Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.

I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.

Laugh and the world laughs with you snore and you sleep alone.

My mother said "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said "Just wait."

Being popular is important. Otherwise people might not like you.

You can't act like a skunk without someone's getting wind of it.

I don't gamble. I invest with a risk.

Horse sense is what keeps horses from betting on what people will do.

She's not moody. She's just known for her versatility of emotions.

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life . . . and you messed it up again.

Well-adjusted means you can make the same mistakes over and over again and keep smiling.

When someone sings his own praises he always gets the tune too high.