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Everything with me is either worship and passion or pity and understanding. I hate rarely, though when I hate, I hate murderously. For example now, I hate the bank and everything connected with it. I also hate Dutch paintings, penis-sucking, parties, and cold rainy weather. But I am much more preoccupied with loving.

Anaïs Nin , em Henry and June: From "A Journal of Love"--The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin
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THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.

George Carlin , em Brain Droppings
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It was masturbation, not willpower, that made it possible for gazillions of women to walk down the aisle with their reputation and their hymen still intact.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana , em On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
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Some women have been faking orgasms for so long that they sometimes fake one when they are masturbating.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana , em On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
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A man cannot really be called (sexually) confident if he has never bought his woman a vibrator.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana , em On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
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Some men do not know the father of 'their' children.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana , em On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
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The primary goal of a righteous parent who has a daughter is to minimize the number of boys and men for whom their daughter will have willingly opened her legs come her wedding day; the closer to zero, the more righteous they will seem.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana , em On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
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Some people are so sexually unattractive that the thought of masturbating turns them off.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana , em On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
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Coco Chanel is said to have said that a girl should be two things: who and what she is. I say a girl should do two things: what and who she wants.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana , em On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
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Most sexually adventurous women want a man who regards cunnilingus as a basic woman right.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.

Barbara Bush
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Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job. (You're totally welcome, guys. P.S. Girls can't see this sentence!!!!!)

Eugene Mirman , em The Will to Whatevs: A Guide to Modern Life
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Either a municipal bog is a private place or it isn't. If it is a private place in which to shit, how is it not a private place in which to fellate?

Stephen Fry , em The Liar
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One second, he was in my mouth, my tongue flicking over the broad head of him; the next, his hands were on my waist and I flipped onto my front. He nudged my legs apart with his knees, spreading me as he gripped my hips, tugging them up, up before he sheathed himself deep in me with a single stroke.I moaned into the pillow at every glorious inch of him, rising onto my forearms as my fingers grappled into the sheets.

Sarah J. Maas , em A Court of Mist and Fury
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I'd missed this so much, this simple pleasure. The sensation of a heavy shaft sliding over my tongue, pushing deeper and deeper into me until my lips bumped against my hand.

Josephine Myles , em Handle with Care
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... so I leaned down and put my mouth on him.He jerked at the contact with a barked, “Shit,” and I laughed around him, even as I took him deeper into my mouth.His hands were now fisted in the sheets, white-knuckled as I slid my tongue over him, grazing slightly with my teeth. His groan was fire to my blood.

Sarah J. Maas , em A Court of Mist and Fury
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