I had a dream about you. It's been a while since I could remember any of my dreams, and still, this one has left me with such strong impression. Even now, when I am fully awake, your face flashes before my eyes. It's a face I can totally relate to, as if it wasn't any more yours than it is mine. Terrifying thing, you know? I can't say I've felt that sort of intimacy with anyone. For a moment you knew all my secrets, without me even having to tell them. For a moment I even knew them myself…While I was looking into your eyes, I suddenly started to realize things about myself that were unspoken for years, like fragments of my inner life that were deeply repressed. It’s hard to distinguish if they were buried inside because dealing with them was such a dirty work, or if leaving them unnamed meant that it was not possible to define them precisely enough, so they would keep their true meaning. Perhaps, all this life that I've known so far was in fact no more but a dream about living. The only thing that has kept me in touch with reality was you…I know it comes as a surprise, and you may be wondering why it took me so long to come clean. You also may be wondering how come you've never noticed before. I've tricked you on purpose, yes, and you must realize it really has nothing to do with you. It’s always been me. This is why, seeing you in my dream like that, came out as a shock. You also must forgive me. You must forgive me because I know how it looks like, that everything we ever shared was a lie, and it wasn't…I am more of an illusionist that a deceiver, but it all comes from being in fact, a very private person. Even if it was true that you knew me better than anyone, I’d never admit it. I’d rather dig my own heart out, with a rotten spoon, than admitting it. I may let people in my own little world occasionally, but I would never let them be aware of it. I don’t throw my intimacy in front of others, especially when I care. The more I care, the less I give away, and this is something for you to understand, and grant me your forgiveness. I didn't play my tricks on you in order to deceive you, but rather to save myself, and maybe even deceive myself as well. I’ve had hidden my feelings for you so deeply that I've learned to live with them, as if any other casualty. I have done wrong to myself as much as I did to you, and I don’t know if I can forgive myself. So now I wonder, could you forgive me without feeling sorry for me? I certainly don’t deserve your pity. Especially not now that I am awake.

We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.

happiness pleasure humor despair sadness pain heartache joy suffering joke sad grief humour funny broken-hearted torment sorrow contentment blue impression misery depression happy heartbroken hurting melancholy ecstasy satisfaction smiling unhappy humorous quotes agony face opinion opinions unhappiness satire miserable holes impressions enjoyment jokes cheerfulness tribulation euphoria faces aphorism quotations dejection depressed hilarious distress down delight well-being joyful bliss content satisfied desolation aphorisms blissful woe hole sunny lightheartedness exhilaration joyfulness merriment gloom euphoric woeful forlorn cheerful rapture anguish carefree despondency despondent delighted morose aphorist aphorists gloomy exuberance merry joyous lighthearted wretchedness gaiety on-top-of-the-world glee beatific elated despairing ecstatic chagrin mournful pleased gratified as-happy-as-a-clam beaming blissfulness blithe buoyant cheerless cheery chirpy contented dejected disconsolate dispirited doleful dolefulness down-at-the-mouth down-in-the-dumps down-in-the-mouth downcast downhearted elation exhilarated exultant gleeful gloominess glum glumness good-spirits grinning in-a-good-mood in-good-spirits in-seventh-heaven jocular jocund jollity jolly jovial joviality joyless jubilant jubilation jumping-for-joy long-faced low-spirits lugubrious malaise mournfulness on-a-high on-cloud-nine over-the-moon overjoyed pit pits radiant rapturous sorrowful the-blues thrilled tickled-pink transports-of-delight untroubled walking-on-air woebegone

I pulled the sheet off their faces. Their faces were black with coal dust and didn't look like anything was wrong with them except they were dirty. The both of them had smiles on their faces. I thought maybe one of them had told a joke just before they died and, pain and all, they both laughed and ended up with a smile. Probably not true but but it made me feel good to think about it like that, and when the Sister came in I asked her if I could clean their faces and she said, "no, certainly not!" but I said, "ah, c'mon, it's me brother n' father, I want to," and she looked at me and looked at me, and at last she said, "of course, of course, I'll get some soap and water."When the nun came back she helped me. Not doing it, but more like showing me how, and taking to me, saying things like "this is a very handsome man" and "you must have been proud of your brother" when I told her how Charlie Dave would fight for me, and "you're lucky you have another brother"; of course I was, but he was younger and might change, but she talked to me and made it all seem normal, the two of us standing over a dead face and cleaning the grit away. The only other thing I remember a nun ever saying to me was, "Mairead, you get to your seat, this minute!