Palm Reading 101• Palm Up— Conveys openness, service, humility, and sympathy.• Palm Down—Demonstrates authority, superiority, and control.• Palm Vertical—Shows you are meeting on equal terms with a mutually respectful greeting.• Palm Wet, Cold, or Clammy—Ick! The "dead fish" is creepy. Make your hands warm and dry before reaching out to touch someone, please! It can also be conveyed as being nervous or over-excited.• Palm Perfect—This is my favorite. Better known as the "hand hug." While you are shaking hands with your right hand, place your left hand on top, wrapping both people in warmth and trust. This two-handed shake illustrates affection, caring, or concern, especially when you then reach up to grasp their arm or shoulder.
High fives and fist bumps have become the popular alternatives to traditional handshakes, especially among the younger generations. As a new social norm, they are used as a greeting, an approval, an acknowledgement, a celebration, and a gesture of understanding. High fives and fist bumps are also viewed as a healthier alternative to traditional handshakes because they don’t spread germs.
Considerations & Exceptions for Impressive Handshakes• Be mindful of a person’s age; be tender with arthritic hands. In that case, a loose and gentler handshake is a gesture of sensitivity and compassion.• Show interest; even if your right hand is full, offer your left hand. • Demonstrate respect when you are caught in an introduction while seated; try to stand. • Be instinctive about when to allow the length of your handshake to linger to express unity, connection, or sympathy.
All hugs are not created equal. Some people are naturally gifted in showering others with warmth and affection. They can hug with such a sincere intention it transcends a handshake. Their hugs feel genuine, non-threatening, and are emotionally consistent with the relationship they share with the "hugee.
communication skills, quotes by Susan C Young, relationship quotes, emotional intelligence quotes, motivational speaker Susan Young, body language quotes, handshake quotes, make a positive first impression quotes, susanspeaks.com, customer service quotes
Brian is a deeply compassionate man who was sad to learn that his work colleague, Tom, had lost his 17-year-old daughter to a drug overdose. When Tom returned to work weeks later, Brian approached him and said, “Man, I am so sorry. There are no words to express my condolences.“Brian reached out to hug Tom. At first, he was rigid and on guard, but with Brian’s genuine embrace, he felt Tom release into his safety. Tom had been so incredibly strong for his wife and family that Brian’s powerful hug allowed him to surrender into another man’s strength. It was a memorable and powerful step towards healing. Sometimes a hug at the right time, even if spontaneous, can be the kindest thing you can do for another human being.
Hugging is quite an intimate contact. Considering the studies done on proxemics we looked at earlier; when you get within two feet of another person you are inside their intimate space. There are some people who truly do not want you in their 'bubble' unless you are close friends or they’ve given you permission. Assuming familiarity incorrectly can destroy rapport, make a bad impression, and risk everything you have done well up to then.
Look for all of the possible missteps in the following scenario. My friend Amy arrived at a consultation with her Hispanic business partner. The African American woman to whom they were delivering their presentation was a long-time friend of her partner’s. Her partner was greeted with a hug and Amy was greeted with a handshake. The meeting was a great success.As it came to a close, the two friends hugged. With enthusiastic affection, Amy went to hug the African American client. The woman took a step, turned her shoulder to block the hug, and looked at Amy with dismissive anger. It was almost a defensive move. Her partner, recognizing this, put her arm around Amy to soften the situation and make light of the inappropriate gesture. Everything turned out fine, but Amy was baffled by the barrier. She was confused by the woman’s reaction since their interaction had been cordial and positive. She wondered if she had been socially insensitive or culturally inappropriate. After much reflection, however, she realized that she had simply been too quick to assume familiarity. Thankfully, she earned and learned the lesson quickly to become more aware. Amy eventually earned the trust of her client and secured her valuable business.
Physical touch is one of my primary love languages. For those of us who share this love language, touching is an endearing gesture of affection, appreciation, and connection. It is not intended to be inappropriate in any way when we hug you upon meeting, pat your back, or squeeze your arm. For us, it is an enthusiastic demonstration of friendship. However, there are many people who do NOT like to be touched—men or women. In spite of our good intentions, touching can make others feel awkward, offended, and in the worst-case scenario, violated. It is crucial to be vigilant and socially aware enough that you can read people’s cues to know when to pull back and contain yourself.
Confession. Years ago, I was invited to a cocktail party for an Asian-American networking group. As I introduced myself to a Japanese businessman, I reached out and firmly shook his hand. Much to my embarrassment now, I automatically took my other hand and wrapped our hands in a “hand hug.” This is a common gesture of friendship in the South. As his wife approached, however, she appeared appalled and felt disrespected that I was touching her husband. Our cultural differences were marked. Despite this cultural mishap, I was able to redeem myself. We all moved past it and delighted in an interesting conversation. Physical touch is a touchy topic (pun intended), especially when various cultures are involved.
Seek to make others feel comfortable by demonstrating respect for their individual needs as well as their cultural norms. Your consideration and heightened awareness will guide you well—and help you make a great first impression.
Approachability. Being warm and inviting demonstrates comfort, care, and emotional safety all of which encourages engagement. Your openness says, “I’m happy to meet you and am glad you’re here.
Smiling and Expressions of Emotion. A genuine smile is inviting, contagious, and encouraging. People do read a book by its cover and your expressions provide a glimpse for what they’ll find inside.
Eye Contact. Direct eye contact is one of the best compliments you can give to another. You are subliminally telling them that you are listening, they matter, and that what they have to say is important.
Energy & Aura. You release your own distinctive energy signature which naturally produces a physical presence. When you emit positive energy, thoughts, feelings, and vibrations, you attract more positives into your life.
What Does Poor Posture Look Like?• Stiff & rigid• Slumping • Slouching• Hunched over• Rounded shoulders• Overly arched back• Stumbling• Head forwardIn sensitivity, we must be aware that many people suffer from poor posture because of physical disability, injury, health issues, heredity, obesity, or musculoskeletal construction. These descriptions are not meant to offend or judge people who are unable to change their posture.
Exaggerating Your Gestures“Have you ever walked through a door and been jumped on by an over-enthusiastic dog with big paws who practically knocked you down? Some people have that effect. Being too flamboyant and over-boisterous can be overkill and push people away. Drama queens and kings have mastered these exaggerations, much to the chagrin of their observers. Remaining intentional in your gestures is a mark of poise, elegance, and maturity.
Ask any person trained in sign language and they will confirm the fact that you can talk with your hands. Your hand gestures communicate for you and are an integral part of your language. While some people may come by hand gestures naturally, you can learn to be even more expressive to get your points across—and to be memorable.
We must remember that some hand gestures which are commonly used and widely accepted in the U.S. might be considered rude or offensive in other countries. As always, I encourage you to be mindful of how and where you use certain gestures to assure you maintain your professionalism and positive impressions.
A smart way of using your hands to make you look more interesting, thoughtful, and self-assured is to steeple your hands and fingers. Try using it strategically in formal environments or workplaces to show confidence and consideration.
Gestures and the Signals They Send• Rubbing your face, palms, and neck may signify anxiety and stress.• Arms crossed with clenched fists may signify hostility, anger, and impatience.• Arms crossed with each hand gripping other arm may signify insecurity and self-doubt.• Arms crossed with thumbs up may signify interest and engagement.• Or my favorite—arms crossed may signify that you are simply cold!• Fidgeting and squirming may signify that you are lying, afraid of being found out, insecure, or uncomfortable.• Standing with your hands behind your back may signify power and superiority.
In his book, How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie encourages you to greet people with "animation and enthusiasm." This form of kinesthetic responsiveness provides a splendid example of how impactful your gestures can be while responding to others. Whether it be running up to an old friend you have not seen in a while or standing up to greet a business associate when he approaches your table, being kinesthetically responsive is an impactful way to gesture your level of interest, engagement, and enthusiasm.
In her book, Ask Outrageously! my friend Linda Swindling suggests to “Mimic the body language of the most powerful people you know. They stand up straight, make appropriate eye contact, and use gestures to convey their points. Look at their feet. Usually they are placed about shoulder-width apart. They have an open stance. They smile and nod when they agree.”Begin paying attention to the poise, postures, and gestures of the people whom you admire and respect the most. How do they carry themselves to project excellence? Adapting their behaviors may serve you well to enhance and improve your body language.
As a professional speaker, Susanne travels all over the country and practically lives on airplanes. One day as she entered security to board yet another flight, she was struck by the poise, posture, and gestures of the man in front of her in line. As a communications expert, she observed his excellent presentation with appreciation and awe.The gentleman was dressed impeccably in a crisp white shirt and well-fitted suit and he sported a new haircut. She watched him as he removed his flawless leather belt, his gold money clip, and well-polished shoes. (And of course, he had Listerine in a baggie to ensure fresh breath!) The care with which he dismantled was impressive. His poised and fluid movements were deliberate and respectful of his personal possessions. As he regrouped and proceeded down the concourse, she was struck by how his stance and carriage intrigued and impressed her. His projection of elegance created a presence of pride and dignity. He left a remarkable impression.
Social orientation can be used to your advantage to make a great first impression; however, it can also backfire when we violate the boundaries of someone else’s personal space. Awareness of space, orientation, and proximity is a powerful tool for your relationship toolbox.
Become aware of the physical distance and spatial orientation that you experience while in the company of others. Being empathetic and sensitive to a person’s physical comfort zone can have a huge effect on the way in which you are received and perceived.
I have a few friends who are confined to wheelchairs for access and mobility. I don't want to always be looking down at them while they are looking up at me. To enjoy a meaningful conversation, I’m quick to kneel beside them or pull up a chair to talk at the same height. Begin to recognize the orientation of other people and align yourself with their body position and physical needs so that you may connect on a more balanced and effective level.
The Warm Welcome of Hospitality. Walt Disney World is the epitome of world-class customer service. Employees must be hyper-vigilant of spatial orientation to engage, impress, and interact with guests. For simply being near a guest, employees are trained to:• Make eye contact and smile.• Greet and welcome each and every guest.• Seek out guest contact.• Provide immediate service recovery.• Always display appropriate body language.• Preserve the “magical” guest experience.• Thank each guest and demonstrate that appreciation.
Many hospitality companies follow the "5 and 10 Rule," whereby when a customer is within ten feet of the employee, they should provide acknowledgement with eye contact and a genuine smile. When the customer is within five feet, it is encouraged to provide a warm welcome, sincere greeting, a friendly gesture, and offer to help, or to engage him or her in conversation.
In the legend of Camelot, King Arthur gave consideration as to how his knights might be positioned spatially to impart a message of power and status. He decided they would have their meetings at a round table, which meant that they were all considered equal and there was no “head of the table.” He built a league based on equality and mutual respect to unify and fortify the power of teamwork.
When you are sitting behind a desk with a person on the other side, there is a barrier between you that becomes a psychological and subliminal message. Some of the best leaders I know have a round table or a circle of chairs in their offices so that when people come in to speak with them, the arrangement lends itself to more engaging interaction. Using a roundtable in which there is no head fosters collaboration, cooperation, mutual respect, and equal positioning.
When having lunch or dinner at a long rectangular table, I prefer to take a middle chair so that I can turn to my left or to my right to make meaningful conversation with the people in attendance. When I have been seated at the very end, it can prove to be difficult to speak, hear, and connect with everyone there. Think ahead, and whenever possible, put yourself in the middle of the action!
Proxemics is the study of human use of space and the effects that population density has on behavior, social interaction, and communication. Imagine invisible bubbles around every person that provides each of us with comfort zones for social engagement and interaction.
In 1966, American anthropologist Edward T. Hall specified four distinct distance zones to describe the perception of physical space around us. Understanding these zones and honoring their invisible boundaries will give you a sixth sense about another person’s “space” as well as your own.Intimate Zone (less than 2’) —This zone represents our personal space and is reserved for the most trusted and loved people in our lives. Touching, hugging, standing side by side, and engaging in private conversations is common and encouraged. When an interloper violates this personal space, great discomfort and awkwardness can be created. What to do? Take a step back or sideways.Personal Zone (2’-4’) —This is the distance for interaction with good friends, family, social gatherings, or parties. It's an easy and relaxed space for talking, shaking hands, gesturing, laughing and making faces. Social Zone (4’-12') —This zone seems to be an appropriate distance for casual friends, colleagues, and acquaintances to interact. It is the comfortable distance we maintain while interacting or addressing large groups of people.Public Zone (over 12’) —This is the distance we keep from strangers or persons with little acquaintance. It provides the greatest distance between people. This is a safe space that still allows us to experience community and belonging with new people.
As you seek new opportunities to make favorable first impressions, be ever aware of the subtle effect that physical positioning and distance/closeness can have on your interactions with others and use this understanding to your advantage.
As you navigate the various zones with people, a variety of specific physical and psychological responses is elicited from them. Until you know someone, avoid invading his or her personal space. Getting closer gradually demonstrates that you like the other person. This gradual and comfortable approach begins the circle of rapport—he sees that you like him, he likes that you like him, and he reciprocates by liking you back.
As you navigate the various zones with people, a variety of specific physical and psychological responses are elicited from them. Until you know someone, avoid invading his or her personal space. Getting closer gradually demonstrates that you like the other person. This gradual and comfortable approach begins the circle of rapport—he sees that you like him, he likes that you like him, and he reciprocates by liking you back.
To touch or not to touch . . . that is the question. Handshakes, hugs, and other touching all have their appropriate space and place. The key to success in this area is to know when, where, and how to best put these into action.
What is acceptable on a personal level is very different from what is acceptable on a business level. When we utilize touch well, we can elevate our presentation, demonstrate respect, and convey confidence. However, when we use touch poorly, it can be disastrous, personally and professionally.
Research by the Income Center for Tradeshows found that people are twice as likely to remember you if you shake hands. According to the American Management Association, it takes only one-fortieth of a second to create a human bond. Whether you shake someone’s hand, squeeze their arm, or touch their shoulder, make these moments count to be remembered favorably.
A person who offers a loose handshake, on the other hand (pun intended), may be interpreted as being uninterested, lacking confidence and self-esteem, weak, or being wishy-washy. Whether too strong or too weak, a bad handshake can set you back and close down a potentially rewarding relationship before it ever gets started.
A simple handshake is not always a simple handshake. The way it is delivered can take on a million meanings and interpretations. As with every other form of body language and non-verbal communication, you are sending silent messages simply by the way you shake hands.
Your handshake has the power to reveal your strength of character, make a promise, demonstrate your level of respect, exercise your etiquette, and represent your business acumen. Learning how to do it well will take you far in life and in business.
A strong handshake conveys confidence, clarity, strength, and intention. As with everything else in life, if it is overzealous, it may be seen as aggressive, arrogant, or dominating. A bone-crushing vice-grip is just plain obnoxious and one of the fastest ways to make someone angry.
What does a solid, comfortable, impressive handshake look and feel like? To deliver a great handshake . . . • Extend your right hand out vertically at a comfortable waist level toward the person you are meeting.• Connect hands with web to web contact made between the thumb and index finger. • Be intentional and appropriate by showing mutual respect and teamwork.• Gently squeeze firmly enough to be confident, yet lightly enough to be gracious. Shake a few times for good measure.• Discreetly rotate your wrist so that your hand is slightly on top of theirs when you want to subconsciously convey self-assurance.• Make eye contact and smile to show sincerity. Throw in an acknowledging head nod for good measure. Avoiding eye contact may be interpreted that you are not attentive or have something to hide.• Introduce yourself and when they share their name, repeat it back to them to help you remember it. “It is nice to meet you John.”• When in doubt, mirror their handshake to adapt to what makes them feel comfortable. Customize accordingly to the gender, age, position, personality, and culture of the person you are meeting.
Have you decided to simply smile and nod to avoid a confrontation with someone who was being a jerk? Have you ever feigned agreement with your face to get along with others, even when you disagreed with their position? We all have. Your expressions of emotion can protect you at times in awkward situations, and when used with integrity. Test the waters by responding with an expression of curiosity or bewilderment when someone is acting inappropriately.
While smiling is a powerful facial gesture, there are other expressions on your face which reveal an extraordinary number of emotions. A body language of its own, people will read your facial messages and form opinions about you before you’ve even said a word.
Look at the single words below; wear these emotions on your face for just a moment. Try them on for size and note how they make you feel:Happiness. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Contempt. Surprise. Disgust.These are the basic human emotions which communicate with clear understanding across cultures, languages, and countries. In other words, a smile naturally conveys happiness and a frown naturally conveys sadness, no matter where you may be using your passport.
According to the “universality studies” conducted by psychologists Paul Ekman, Carroll Izard, and Friesen (1969-1972), the words Happiness. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Contempt. Surprise. Disgust.describe the natural expressions of emotion shared by the entire human race.
Beyond these universal expressions of emotion, there are hundreds of variations which are often a matter of choice, whether consciously or subconsciously. Most every facial movement is connected to an emotion that conveys your state of being and your attitude
It is through these facial expressions that we write and feel our life story, create lifelong social habits—through which we are received and perceived by a multitude of others. When you want to make a positive first impression, let your face know!
See Your Expressions Through the Eyes of Others. Take the initiative to stand in front of a mirror and practice a wide range of emotions so that you can see what other people are seeing. Video tape yourself and watch your movements and your expressions. You can pick up on clues to what you need to fix and where you could improve your presentation.
My friend Julie was cooking dinner in her kitchen one night. Her expression was blank as she stood alone working by herself. Her daughter walked in and gasped, “Mom! What’s wrong?” She said “Nothing. I’m fine.” In response, her daughter added, “Then tell your face! You scared me!” Emotional expressions can easily be misinterpreted when we are not aware of what people are seeing. Being deep in thought can look that way.
When my son was a teenager, he would use the ‘poker face’ tactic when I was lecturing, nagging, or suggesting. As a parent, it was maddening because I could not read his reactions! His stoicism would sometimes deflate my efforts or make me surrender in laughter, changing the subject all together.
Well Hello Halo! It is human nature for us to make generalized judgments about a person using only a couple of traits. The "Expressivity Halo" Theory explains how we connect various personalities to specific facial expressions and assign assumptions about that person.
We are more likely to trust a person who is easier to read; they're easier to believe. Or we tend to think that an energetic and happy person will be more productive. Even traits such as competence, dominance, and courage can be conveyed by certain facial expressions and will stimulate unconscious bias.
As a professional speaker, my facial expressions are essential for effectively telling stories, engaging audiences, fostering involvement, and connecting on a personal level. One day I decided to get Botox in my forehead to erase a few wrinkles and signs of aging. Much to my surprise and disappointment, I could no longer raise my eyebrows. My face was stuck in a heavy-browed expression, which is the polar-opposite of my joyful spirit and enthusiastic nature. It makes a funny story, but it taught me that authenticity wins over vanity any day!
Poise: a graceful and elegant bearing in person; a composure of dignity and manner.Postures: the position of a person’s body when standing, sitting, or walking; carriage, bearing, and stance.Gestures: moving parts of your body to express an idea, opinion, emotion, or meaning.“Poise confirms purpose. Postures portray personality. Gestures express emotions. Your poise, postures, and gestures make a powerful statement about who you are and how you feel about yourself. This dynamic trio speaks volumes about you.
How do you enter a room? How do you walk into a job interview? How do you approach a sales prospect for the first time? Accomplished leaders know that the way they make an entrance can project their confidence and set the tone for their interaction with others. Use your poise, postures, and gestures to make it grand.
Your poise, postures, and gestures are the physical manifestations of your attitudes, perceptions, belief systems, self-esteem, feelings, and engagement. Be sure to know if they are working well or hindering the actualization of your potential. Being the architect for your habitual patterns of non-verbal language, you have the power to change any of it at any time.
ASK YOURSELF: Do you appear self-confident or unsure? Do you project a calm demeanor or scream instability? Do you come across as a leader or try to stay invisible? Do you walk with purpose and intention or doubt and trepidation? Do you look vibrant and energetic, or stressed out and overwhelmed?
It has been said that poise is our highest state of consciousness. It reflects your presence, composure, balance, gratitude, discretion, and self-respect. Whether a man or a woman, a poised person carries within themselves an elegant air of dignity and grace. Their personal brand is polished and purposeful.
Poised Positioning• Be mindful of how you use your body to communicate.• Be fully present in the moment.• Be thoughtful and gracious in your actions.• Be fluid and elegant in your movements.• Express flow—walk in freedom and spontaneity.• Develop an unshakeable sense of authentic inner confidence and certainty.• Develop a deep respect for others.• Move slower and more deliberately.• Walk in integrity, class, and modesty.• Smile kindly and laugh softly.• Become a student of manners and etiquette.
In years gone by, particularly in the East and the South, ladies would attend charm school to learn how to elegantly stand, sit, dance, and walk. Even today, there are "Cotillion" classes for young people to learn how to carry themselves with dignity and use proper social graces. I don't mind sounding old-fashioned because these culturally rich rituals lay a firm foundation for the appropriate behaviors and excellent manners necessary for a positive impression. Embracing a tried and true tradition can sometimes be beneficial. Let's avoid the awkward, embarrassing, and unsophisticated ways we see all too often.
9 Reasons Why Improving Your Posture is ImportantBy projecting strength and excellence in your physical presence, you will. . . 1. Look better and feel better.2. Appear, and be, more fit and healthy.3. Powerfully influence your mindset.4. Appear more confident, self-assured, and competent.5. Carry yourself with more purpose and intention.6. Breathe deeper and get more oxygen in your body, which will improve your energy and health.7. Reduce or prevent back pain and muscle tension.8. Improve productivity by energizing your physiology.9. Make a significantly more positive impression.
12 Ways to Improve & Project Confident Posture1. Go people watching. Note how you interpret the different postures you observe. This will expand your awareness of how posture impacts first impressions and will help you become more aware of yours.2. Stand in front of a mirror to see what other people are seeing. Are your shoulders level? Are your hips level? Do you appear aligned? Are you projecting confidence or timidity?3. Take posture pictures to provide you with points of reference and a baseline over time. Look at past photos of yourself.4. Stand with your back against a wall and align your spine.5. Evenly balance on both feet, spaced hip-width apart.6. Take yoga or Pilates classes to strengthen your core muscles, improve flexibility, and balance, all which support your posture.7. Consciously pull your shoulders back, stand erect with chin held high.8. Practice tucking in your stomach, pulling your shoulders back, raising your chin, and looking straight ahead.9. Sit up straight without being rigid.10. Enter a room like you belong there or own it.11. Stand with an open stance to be welcoming and approachable.12. Angle your body towards the person to whom you are speaking. Angling your body away may signify that you are indifferent, fearful, putting up a barrier, or trying to get away from them.
Poor Posture Promotes . . . In addition to sabotaging people’s perceptions and impressions of you, poor posture can cause uncomfortable health issues:• Fatigue• Discomfort• Neck and back pain• Muscle imbalance• Headaches and body aches• Structural changes to your body
Whether you smile to make a great first impression for customer service, building rapport, communicating your intentions, networking, sharing your happiness, closing deals, or demonstrating you are fully present and engaged, smiling is the key to your success.
Smiling Bloopers• Insincere smiling can backfire! (Different from a shy smile that just beckons a friendly "hello.")• Transitioning from a smile to a straight face, too quickly, may give others the impression that you are fake or do not like them.• Going overboard and smiling all the time, especially when it is inappropriate, will make you appear insincere.• If your mouth smiles, but your eyes don’t, there is a disconnect that can make you appear less authentic and trustworthy.
Your tone of voice is less about what you say and more about how you say it. It enhances or diminishes the language you use, how you construct your sentences, and the way your words sound. It represents the emotional expressions of your thoughts, feelings, and attitude.
Does your tone match your intention? Is your tone of voice confusing or clarifying? Are you coming across to others as you had hoped? Once you begin to notice your tone, you can adjust as needed to make it work in your favor.
Heed Your Speed. Are you a fast or a slow talker? Be mindful towards the person with whom you are speaking to ensure that your message is being comprehended, understood, and absorbed. If they are listening at a slower rate than you are speaking, disconnect can occur.
As a professional speaker, I speak rather quickly with enthusiastic energy and emotion. This doesn’t always sit well with people who like to speak at a slower pace and need more time to process. What I have learned through years in this profession is that to be more effective I must adapt my pace to the comfort level of my audience. When I am speaking to academics, engineers, and doctors, I speak with a slower pace than the one which I use with sales people, customer services teams, or teenagers.
Have you ever paid notice to the full sound range of your voice? If you have ever been in a chorus or a singing group, you already know that they will separate the group based on each singer’s pitch and assign their roles accordingly. While my speaking voice has a soprano pitch, my singing voice is a lower alto.
A high-pitched voice may sound less authoritative, more youthful, and less experienced, whereas, a lower pitched voice may be perceived as being more authoritative, confident, and credible. It is unfortunate that listeners will make assumptions based on these differences before even knowing the depth and value of your message. Play with your ranges and find a comfortably low pitch. Practice it to see if it makes a difference in conveying more authority and brilliance.
Your Signature Sound. In music, voice value is categorized for singers, composers, and listeners. Whether a performer’s voice type is soprano, alto, tenor, baritone, or bass, they all have unique characteristics that make them unique and impressive. You, too, have a signature sound that is uniquely yours and makes you stand apart from the crowd.
Neen James (NeenJames.com) is an eloquent and successful international speaker who stands at four-feet-eleven with a rich Australian dialect and a high-pitched voice. For years, fellow speakers with good intentions told her she needed to take voice lessons to lower her pitch to give her more depth for a compelling stage presence. With complete confidence and loyalty to her uniqueness, she ignored the naysayers and her amazing signature voice has become a powerful brand.
Most people are familiar with the rich, resonant tones of James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman. Their signature voices bring strength, authority, and lyrical enjoyment. Are there aspects of your voice that you can capitalize on to make a great impression and be simply unforgettable?
A Sign of Respect. As our world grows more casual, we observe a tendency for everyone to use first names rather than surnames. “It is a pleasure meeting you, Mrs. Young,” has a completely different connotation than “Nice to meet you, Susan.
Using titles such as Mr., Mrs., Miss, Dr., etc. demonstrates respect. In previous generations, it was a social necessity and simply good manners. One would consider you rude and uncultured if you were so presumptuous as to go straight to a “first name basis.” First names can imply an intimacy that does not exist and it may offend a new person until they know you better. Be wary of making assumptions.
I was raised in an era when part of respecting your elders was to call them by Mr. or Mrs. When my children were growing up, an occasional child would call me Susan. It was jarring, felt disrespectful, and I did not like it. We reached a mutual agreement and their friends began calling me Ms. Susan. Perhaps this is more prevalent in the South, however, your awareness and consideration can help prevent social missteps.
It is wise to use titles for people in positions of power, higher education, seniority, or maturity, unless otherwise instructed. This may sound old-fashioned, but practicing respectful traditions will earn you points and inevitably make you seem more cultured and sophisticated. This is especially true with older generations.
To call certain people, such as your boss, teachers, professors, doctors, your parent’s friends, etc. by their first names might be considered disrespectful. It is best to err on the side of caution until you know what is appropriate.
Asking permission to call someone by their first name is a gesture of gentility and consideration. And once permission is granted, the gate is open for mutual respect and mutual purpose. Simply demonstrating this courtesy before making an assumption is impressive. Once permission is granted, you have earned points on both sides.
Make It Fun. Have you ever been publicly acknowledged or called upon in a room filled with people? Depending on your personality type, it can be either exhilarating or mortifying. It certainly does grab your attention, as well as everyone else’s!
When I am working with groups of thirty or fewer people, there is a powerful name exercise that I do to break the ice, start with humor, and begin my program with positive energy. One by one, each person will introduce themselves using an adjective that describes their personality that starts with the first letter of their name. “Spontaneous Susan,” “Dependable Dave,” and “Happy Helen” are a few quick examples. The benefit for the participants is twofold: it makes each person feel good and it makes people laugh. Additionally, it enables me to learn their names so that I can integrate them into the entire presentation for full engagement and participation.
Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same. You wanna be where everybody knows your name.
UN-Impressives of the Poor Listener• Thinking about what you should have done, could have done, or need to do. • Allowing your emotional reactions to take over.• Interrupting the person talking.• Replying before you hear all the facts.• Jumping to conclusions and making assumptions.• Being preoccupied with what you're going to say next. • Getting defensive or being over-eager. • One-upmanship—feeling the urge to compete and add something bigger, better, or more significant than what the speaker has to share.• Imposing an unsolicited opinion.• Ignoring and changing the subject altogether.
Being PresentYears ago, I attended a conference where the keynote speaker encouraged everyone to BE HERE NOW! It grabbed people's attention and reminded us that living, loving, listening, and laughing all occur in the present moment.
When you are mindfully focused, the person with whom you are communicating feels that you are making them a priority—that you value their time and their perspective. It is in these moments that we can go to deeper levels of discovery, exploration, and connection. It is one of the most valuable gifts and finest compliments you can give to another.
To Become an Attentive Listener . . . • Observe a person’s physical presence to see how their body language aligns with their message. • Recognize what is being said on the surface.• Engage your intuition to hear the meaning, purpose, and motivation behind their message. • Be aware of your own internal responses and how you are feeling.• Put yourself in their shoes to better understand their perspective.
Become keenly aware of these three layers to discover whether you're listening with interest and intent for excellent communication and understanding—or are you unintentionally sabotaging potentially phenomenal conversations. Knowledge of the listening planes will raise your awareness. And as you apply these, enjoy the surprising difference.
Your heightened awareness of their perceptions, experiences, emotions, and personality styles can reveal why they feel the way they do so that you can choose your responses wisely and compassionately.
My friend John is an urgent care physician who has several patients who come to see him for various ailments on a regular basis. In addition to being brilliant and taking wonderful care of his patients, he has a unique ability to empathetically listen to his patient’s needs. One of his patients is a repeat visitor, even when she's not exhibiting symptoms. He takes the time to listen to how she's feeling and responds with kindness, empathy, and caring. He has come to realize that her visits are filling her deep need to feel validated, cared for, and understood in ways which she does not receive at home. His empathetic listening delivers incredible customer service for patient care and makes him a better health care provider. Wouldn’t it be incredible if this was the manner for not only doctors, but all professionals?
When my son Nick was five years old, he was sitting at the kitchen bar while I prepared dinner. In typical busy mother fashion, I was multitasking—cooking, cleaning, running the laundry, answering the phone, and attempting to listen to what he had to say.
Listening is one of the finest ways to demonstrate our love for another human being. How many marriages could be saved, friendships healed, careers made, and opportunities enjoyed if people would simply stop what they are doing and listen deeply to what another person has to say. If practiced by everyone, this principle could be a world-changer!
The process of attentive listening makes the other person feel important, valued, and heard. For Nick, listening was, and still is, love. I've never forgotten that precious moment—and the lesson!
Think about the people in your life with whom you have the most engaging dialogue—the ones who will listen to you and consider your opinions regardless of the topic. They'll stop whatever they are doing to give you their full attention. They become completely present and hear you.
Now let’s look at the flip side. When a diligent and caring person receives your complaint, they have the power to turn a challenge into a triumph. Through active listening, they demonstrate that your satisfaction is their top priority. They not only seek to solve your problem, but they are dedicated to re-earning your trust, your respect, and keeping your business.
If you have ever experienced this type of unprofessional treatment, I doubt you would even consider giving them business in the future. Interrupting, ignoring, patronizing, or antagonizing a customer is like pouring gas on a fire and creates a more explosive situation than the original complaint. Still, it continues to happen every day, costing companies millions in lost revenue.
Have you ever had a legitimate complaint as a customer which made you angry, upset, or frustrated? How was it “handled?" If you were dealing with an inept, uncaring, or untrained employee, they may have made matters even worse by being rude, defensive, or apathetic. Simple acknowledgment and validation of your complaint is sometimes all that is needed. Without it, you're left frustrated or upset.
Active listening is not only a matter of making yourself available to hear someone talk, but it is showing the sender, physically, that you are receiving and understanding their message on all levels.
Active listening is the ultimate "Golden Rule" for sensational customer service. Just as the important people in your life will feel more valued and appreciated when you actively listen, so will your customers.
ASK YOURSELF: How can you utilize active listening to provide sensational customer service? How will this help resolve complaints from unhappy customers?• Give them your full attention and listen without interruption or defensiveness.• Thank them for bringing the issue to your attention.• Take their concerns seriously and share their sense of urgency to resolve the problem quickly.• Ask questions and focus on what they are really saying. • Listen to their words, tone of voice, body language, and most importantly, how they feel. • Beware of making assumptions or rushing to conclusions before you hear their concern fully.• Explain, guide, educate, assist, and do what’s necessary to help them reach the resolution.• Treat them with respect and empathy.When you do an amazing job of resolving an unhappy customer’s problem, you may end up impressing them more than if the problem had never occurred. You may have just earned their loyalty . . . forever!
This method enabled me to expand my territory and create a strong network of loyal customers for referrals and repeat business. Make active listening a deliberate part of your business plan and success strategy. You will not only grow your business, but also make wonderful friends along the way.
My success with customers on the telephone wasn’t by using pushy sales methods, but by engaging people in meaningful conversations which could lead to friendships on the phone before I ever met them. I would ask questions, listen to their stories, respond to their needs, develop rapport, and earn their business. When we would finally meet in person, it felt less like an introduction and more like a reunion. It was not only good business, we had fun in the process!
For sixteen years, I had a spectacular real estate career in Tallahassee, Florida. I loved receiving telephone inquiries and making cold calls. I knew that if I could meet people on the phone, I could usually turn them into buyers.
14 Ways to Become an Incredible Listener1. Be present and provide your undivided attention.2. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.3. Listen attentively and respond appropriately.4. Minimize or eliminate distractions.5. Focus your attention and energy with singleness of purpose on what the other person is saying.6. Quiet your mind and suspend your thoughts to make room in your head to hear what is said—in the moment!7. Ask questions and demonstrate empathy.8. Use your body language and nonverbal cues constructively and pay attention to theirs.9. Follow the rhythm of their speech; hear their tone.10. Repeat and summarize what you have heard them say to confirm understanding.11. Be open-minded and non-defensive.12. Respond rather than react. 13. Be respectful, calm, and positive.14. Try to resolve conflicts, not win them.
The way you deliver the words you say becomes your “vocal image. This "vocal image" can make or break your first impressions, impact your communication, and determine how people respond to you.
Every professional voice coach worth their salt will bring you back to the importance of tone, pace, and pitch. While these concepts were introduced earlier in The Art of Body Language section, we can now elaborate and take a deeper dive into how you can use your voice to improve your communications.
Sociologically speaking, as Americans we often lack social, cultural, and mindful awareness. We hear the stories of how our arrogance has been known to offend, confuse, and alienate people from other cultures. Arrogance is the thief of mindfulness and it happens from both directions.
To gain greater understanding, clarity, and awareness, you must become aware of your values and beliefs. Think of a triangle or an iceberg. Below the waterline, your beliefs and your values build the foundation for your behavior.
We will judge others based on their behaviors with little to no understanding or regard for their beliefs or values—standards we may not know, nor typically see. When we do this, things can be taken completely out of context because we are assessing their behavior against our expectations, which are produced from our own personal value system.
Navigating relationships within our own culture can be challenging enough. When diverse cultures are involved, however, a huge potential for misunderstanding, disrespect, miscommunication, and intolerance is present.
It is crucial to understand that there are myriad interpretations of behavior. When you subscribe only to yours, you may begin to think that everyone else is wrong and thus limit your flexibility and possibility. Developing cultural awareness will make your diverse relationships easier and more productive.
Prepare yourself well by learning how to be more mindful in each interaction. The effort you put forth to gain insight will empower you to make a better impression on others, while enriching your opportunities to build enlightened, trusted relationships.
Conversation starters. Icebreakers. Openers. However you choose to label them, that moment when the first words come out of your mouth can make or break the outcome of your entire conversation. Been there, done that, right?
Your first words will not only shape your first impression, they can create amazing connections, lead you to your dream job, or help you discover a new best friend—or accomplish exactly the opposite.
Your first words will outlive your conversations and impact how you are remembered, liked, or regarded. Wouldn’t you enjoy opening conversations with ease and mutual recognition? The challenging part is that it can be . . . awkward!
Meeting someone for the first time has significance, but for some people, the awkwardness can be so great that they avoid a conversation altogether. The person who may be shy, introverted, or afraid of sounding stupid may just choose to remain silent rather than take the risk of engaging in embarrassing dialogue.
You can certainly take the easy road and use the predictable and boring defaults like:• How are you doing?• How about this weather?• What do you do for a living?• Hi. My name is _________. What’s yours?• Blah, blah, blah, blah . . .Break out of the defaults you have been using for years. Shake it up. Make it fun. Make it memorable. Dive in with more engagement and interaction. Taking the initiative to be more creative will help you build a bridge to close the gap.
10 Conversation Bridge Builders1. Simply say hello with a smile.2. Ask them what they love about their work.3. Ask natural questions out of genuine curiosity. 4. Get a person talking about what’s important to them.5. Compliment something positive which you’ve noticed.6. Engage them with questions which are easy to answer. 7. Introduce them to someone whom you think they’ll enjoy meeting.8. Ask them if they have any trips or vacations planned.9. Look for something you may have in common so that the conversation begins with shared interests.10. Think of questions that begin with how, what, when, why and where.
Add a fresh twist of creativity to make a stellar impression which people won’t soon forget. Granted, your venue will determine how far you can stretch and how creative you can be. Making small tweaks to your conversation starters can make a memorable impact!
14 Awesome Conversation Starters1. What do you do for fun? Hobbies, recreation . . . 2. What are your super powers? Gifts, talents, strengths.3. Good morning! It’s great to see you! 4. What is your story? Tell me about yourself.5. What brought you to __________?6. Do you have anything special happening in your life (or your business)?7. What’s the best thing that’s happened this week?8. Are you living your life purpose or still searching for it?9. What gives you passion and makes you happy to be alive?10. Do you have any pets?11. How do you know the host?12. When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? 13. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?14. What's next on your bucket list?
Listening is one thing; however, ACTIVE listening is quite another. The first is a passive act which does not require great involvement, whereas, the latter is a consciously aware and deliberately focused effort to actively participate in the conversation.
By your practice of active listening, everyone involved benefits because you . . .• are more engaged and engaging;• demonstrate that you are interested in others and what they have to say;• make others feel important, respected, understood, and appreciated; • improve your memory and retention;• affirm to others that you are an authentic, caring, and compassionate person;make a great first and last impression
Through the years, I have heard that the average person speaks at about 150-160 words per minute, but can listen at a rate of about 1,000 words per minute. What is going on during all that extra mind time? • Our minds are racing ahead and preparing for the next thing we are going to say.• We are preoccupied with other thoughts, priorities, and distractions.• Our subconscious filters are thumbing through our database of memories, judgments, experiences, perspectives, and opinions to frame how we are going to interpret what we think someone is saying.
You can have the perfect message, but it may fall on deaf ears when the listener is not prepared or open to listening.These listening "planes" were first introduced by the American composer Aaron Copland (1900-1990) as they pertain to music . . . 1. The Sensual Plane: You’re aware of the music, but not engaged enough to have an opinion or judge it.2. The Expressive Plane: You become more engaged by paying attention, finding meaning beyond the music, and noticing how it makes you feel.3. The Musical Plane: You listen to the music with complete presence, noticing the musical elements of melody, harmony, pitch, tempo, rhythm, and form.
To make matters even more complicated, research has shown that we remember only 25-50 percent of what we hear. This inclination not only compromises our connection with another person, but we can fail to retain vital information. All this evidence demonstrates that it is imperative that we intentionally pay closer attention and strive to become an in-depth listener.
Communicating negatively (gossiping, bragging, bullying, and criticizing) can be disastrous to your reputation, cause you to lose the respect of others, and leave a terrible impression. Why leave this essential expertise up to chance when it can make or break the success of your relations?
Whether your awareness is focused on your own emotions and perceptions or directed toward the preferences, needs, and feelings of others, being mindful (aware and attentive) will enable you to respond more appropriately.
This deliberate focus and sensitivity allow you to "put yourself in another person’s shoes and walk around a while" to better understand where they are coming from and what they are all about.
Mindfulness is a quiet strength and deeply rooted value which many other cultures understand and often practice better than we do. It can be puzzling to people from other countries as to why Americans are so task-driven and action-oriented.
As Americans, we typically move full steam ahead without much regard to mindfulness or thoughtful reflection, often to one’s own detriment. Yet it is that same propensity for bold action which makes fulfilling the "American Dream" possible—where an immigrant can come to our country with nothing and achieve extraordinary things.
Although it may serve you well, any strength or skill which is overused can become a limitation when it forces you to constantly be moving and looking for the next best thing. Distractions, interruptions, and incessantly chasing after the next golden ring can become the norm.
Your encounters will be more successful when you slow down, pay attention, and become more mindfully aware of the world around you. Heightening your awareness in your social, situational, contextual, orientational, and cultural scenarios will improve your agility as you adapt to new social settings.
When a person is focused completely on self it is nearly impossible to be mindful of others at the same time. That is a contradiction for healthy communication, networking, and relationship building.
Do you attend networking events to give out as many cards as possible or is it your intention to deliver something of value? When you are busy charging ahead with your own agenda, you're not meeting the needs of anyone but yourself—and it's obvious!
At a Chamber of Commerce networking breakfast, two of my friends and I were standing in a circle talking. A stranger approached, interrupted our little reunion, and gave each of us her card. She then began talking about herself and her business without a hint of social awareness, or care about her interruption. She even had the tactless gall to ask us for referrals. When she left our small circle, we looked at each other and laughed, “What was that?
Situational awareness enables you to observe your periphery with a clear vision and emotional foresight, which may inevitably keep you socially, physically, or professionally out of harm's way. Connect the dots.
How do you know when to advance the conversation or when there's something still unresolved? When you are situationally aware, you watch the body language and notice the cues that are given to you. Listening and observing are being mindful in the best sense of the word.
Being “appropriate” means being suitable, fitting, relevant, or proper in a situation. What may be appropriate in one circumstance can be terribly inappropriate in another. How does one discern? Sometimes it is simply a matter of maturity and experience.
When you have orientational awareness, your perceptions and impressions are based on location and proximity. Orientation may imply hierarchy, position, and prestige, or be the result of habits, traditions, and perceptions.
In America, when a man walks in front of a woman it may imply that they are not equals and he is exerting dominance over her, or being arrogant and rude. In a different culture, however, it may be presumed that he is someone worthy of profound respect and is protecting her by going first.
On a recent business trip, I reunited with a friend I had not seen in twenty years. After having a lovely lunch meeting, we came out of the restaurant to walk towards the parking lot. He automatically moved me to the inside of the sidewalk as he walked along the curbside. His orientational awareness illustrated a chivalrous gesture of protection and respect which impressed me greatly.
Our cultural lens is so much a part of us that we are not even aware of how obvious it is to others. Like the nose on your face, you may forget that it is there, but everyone else sees it. I can’t look at you and not see your nose.
Presenting “Mix, Mingle & Glow” in a social context is a lovely way to describe how you can make a great first impression by taking the initiative to help other people shine. Think of the times when you have attended an event where there were a lot of people.
ASK YOURSELF: Do you remember a gracious hostess, an engaging guest, or someone who worked the room like a honey bee in a flower garden? They would glide from one person to the next, spreading good will and cheer, being the glue that brought everyone together with ease.
Hostess with the Mostest“Think of a time when you have had a party in your home or had friends over for dinner. Didn’t you want to make sure they were nurtured, cared for, and well-taken care of? Didn’t you want your guests to interact with each other and enjoy the experience so they would remember it fondly?
In his book, Networking is a Contact Sport, Joe Sweeney advises that when you attend networking events, act as if it is your party and you are the host or hostess. By doing this, you will help others be at ease and demonstrate a heart of service and generosity.
Inversely, when you are in a small group of people or friends and you don’t make the effort to speak to everyone, it may be considered as rude. Rather than run the risk of people feeling neglected or dismissed, make the effort to Mix, Mingle, and Glow . . .
Mix• Be situationally aware and pay attention to the people in the room. • Introduce guests or help strike up a conversation. • Be the one who takes the initiative and makes and effort to “work the room.”• Make eye contact and acknowledge others with a smile and friendly gestures.• Greet people as they arrive, even if it is not your expected role.• Spot the people who may be first timers or guests and help them feel more welcomed and embraced.
Mingle• Be the connector—introduce people to each other who may not otherwise connect.• Be a conversation fire starter; point out what people have in common as you are introducing them.• Seek out the folks who may appear to be shy, or awkward, or wallflowers. Find ways to build trust and comfort. Engage them with a kind word to pull them out of their shell.• Arrive early and stay late; connect with people before and after your event.• Stretch beyond your comfort zone to speak with, sit with, and start conversations with people whom you do not know.• Offer to refill someone’s drink or clear their plate.• Encourage introductions: “There is someone whom I would love for you to meet . . .
You’re Not AloneWhen I was speaking to thousands of teenagers a year, I interviewed my niece Sarah Jane, who was a high school student at the time. I asked, “What do you think would be helpful for kids to know that would make a difference in their lives.” She said, “I was terrified, but I put on a happy face so that no one else would know. What I didn’t realize is that everyone else was as scared as I was." Knowing others may feel the same way as you can make social situations feel less awkward. When approaching new people, find ways to put those at ease who might be reluctant to approach us otherwise. Where Can You Begin to Mix, Mingle & Glow?
Glow What can you do and how can you be in order to bring out the best in others and truly help them shine?• Be complimentary; say something nice.• Be a great listener and make them feel like you are hanging on every word.• Create enthusiasm and anticipation for the person they are getting ready to meet.• Act as you have personally invited them to the party and help ensure they have a wonderful time.• Give people an experience, not just a conversation
BE HERE NOWDo you feel fully present and engaged in the way you live your life? Do you immerse yourself in the moment or do you strive and struggle as you negotiate the distractions of our modern world? It’s easy to have blind spots regarding how you are showing up for life when you are consistently bombarded with distractions, commitments, and personal preoccupations, isn’t it?
When you are "off somewhere else" people notice. Have you found yourself in conversations in which you’re so concerned about what you are going to say next, that you don’t even hear what the other person is saying? Guilty as charged, right?
A lack of engagement sends the message that you may not care, are not interested, are too busy, or that the other person does not matter to you. Even though this is rarely your intention, it can happen when you’re not being mindful and deliberate to connect in the moment.
Being 100 percent in the moment and focusing on the person you’re with is one of the finest compliments you can offer. One of the most respectful and considerate things you can do for another is to truly be with them in the here and now.
Employee Engagement“Employee Engagement” has become a very hot topic in recent years. The escalating statistics for disengagement are alarming. In 2015, the Gallup Polls’ “The State of the American Workforce” survey found that only 32.5 percent of the U.S. Workforce is engaged and committed where they work, and 54 percent say they would consider leaving their companies if they could receive a 20 percent raise elsewhere. Disengagement not only lowers performance, morale, and productivity, but it’s costing employers billions of dollars a year. It's a growing problem, which has many companies baffled.
Why is this disengagement epidemic becoming the new norm? A few reasons I have witnessed in speaking with companies across the country include . . .• Information overload• Distractions• Stress/overwhelmed• Apathy/detachment• Short attention span• Fear, worry, anxiety• Rapidly changing technology• Entitlement• Poor leadership• Preoccupation• Social media• Interruptions• Multitasking• Budget cuts• Exhaustion• Boredom• Conflict• Social insecurity• Lack of longevityThese challenges not only create separation and work dysfunction, but we are seeing it happen in relationships and personal interactions.
When you are fully present and engaged in your workplace, you will demonstrate that you care about the success of your organization, are a team player, have a can-do attitude, and will go the extra mile to fulfill and exceed expectations.
These qualities make a great impression on your boss, your teams, and your customers. You will be more respected, noticed, and appreciated in the process. As your own "CEO of Self," projecting this positive level of engagement furthers your own personal reputation and interests for healthy communication, networking, and positive first impressions. An added bonus is that YOU will receive great benefits from putting forth this type of effort. Whether it be self-esteem, new training, cooperation, experience, or a raise or bonus, the rewards are extensive and many.
11 Ways to Be More Engaged 1. Care about others.2. Be 100 percent in the moment. 3. Keep focus on the person you are serving. 4. Try to get involved, engaged, and interactive.5. Show interest in what matters to other people by listening, acknowledging, and responding.6. Arrive in the moment anticipating creating a valuable interaction for yourself and others.7. Move towards the things that inspire you and provide a sense of joy and connection.8. Reconnect with the essence of yourself and be grounded in that essential relationship.9. Maintain eye contact and deliver the non-verbal cues that you are fully with the other person.10. Limit distractions— close the door, silence your phone, hold calls, put tasks aside, etc.11. Show up to the moment being your best and giving your best.
Take the Initiative. Be proactive. If you want to rock your relationship results, it is going to take action, effort, initiative, and choosing to get in the game—so, step up, step out, and show up!
Mix, Mingle, Glow. Stretch beyond your own comfort zone to speak with, sit with, and start conversations with people whom you do not know. Take the initiative to help other people capture the spotlight and shine.
Since we are all unique and individual, being cognizant of different personality styles will help you better recognize where others are coming from to minimize barriers, build trust, and catapult your newfound communication skills into meaningful connections. The savvy socializer knows this all.
The actor, writer, and director Woody Allen once said, “80% of success is just showing up!” You Can Show Up By . . . • Participating.• Sharing ideas.• Being dependable.• Keeping your word.• Taking the initiative. • Volunteering to be of assistance.• Being there when a friend needs you.• Raising your hand and asking questions.• Attending your children’s sporting events.• Taking your place and claiming your space.• Demonstrating that you have something to offer.
Get in the Game“As soon as you say something can’t be done, you will be passed by a person who is already doing it.” – Unknown“Do you typically observe the game of life from the sidelines, sit in the penalty box, play your heart out on the field, or show up when the opportunity has already passed by and ask, “What happened?”Your answer to this question will reveal a lot about your initiative. Granted, various situations call for diverse levels of interest and engagement. However, if you want to rock your relationship results, it is going to require action, effort, initiative, and choosing to get in the game.
I love acronyms, don’t you? They are quick and easy tools for remembering important lessons that are too good to forget. The PEACE acronym goes straight to the heart of the matter for delivering "Service Beyond Self." When you do this one thing, you will increase your opportunities, earn loyalty and respect, and rock your first and last impressions.Persistently Exceed All Customer Expectations
13 Simple Ways to Deliver Service Beyond Self1. Make it Easy for People to Do Business with You.2. Be an Awesome, Sincere Listener. 3. Listen to Customers’ Words and tone of voice, body language, and how they feel. Ask questions, listen, and meet them on their level. Explain, guide, educate, assist and do what is necessary to help them get the information they need to fully understand regarding their question or issue.4. Show Enthusiasm. Greet customers with genuine interest. Give them your best. Think, act, and talk with positive enthusiasm and you will attract positive results. Your attitude is contagious!5. Identify and Anticipate Needs. Most customer needs are more emotional rather than logical. 6. Under Promise & Over Deliver. Apply the principle of “Service Beyond Self” . . . give more than expected. Meet and exceed their expectations. If you can’t serve their needs, connect them with whoever can. 7. Make them Feel Important.Our deepest desire is to feel important. People rarely care how much you know until they know how much you care. Use their names, find ways to compliment them—and be sincere. 8. Take Responsibility for their Satisfaction.Do whatever is necessary to help them solve their problems. Let them know that if they can’t find answers to their questions to come back to you for help.9. Treat your TEAM well. Fellow colleagues are your internal customers and need a regular dose of appreciation. Thank them and find ways to let them know how important they are. Treat your colleagues with respect; chances are they will have a higher regard for customers. 10. Choose an Attitude of Gratitude. Gratitude changes your perspective and helps you appreciate the good rather than simply taking it for granted.11. Perform, Provide and Follow-Up.Always perform or provide your service in a spirit of excellence and integrity. If you say you’re going to do something—DO IT! There is tremendous value in being a resource for your customer. If you can help them to succeed, they are more likely to help you succeed. 12. Use Gracious Words. "Thank you, thank you very much.
12 Simple Ways to Deliver Service Beyond Self1. Make it Easy for People to Do Business with You.2. Be an Awesome, Sincere Listener. 3. Listen to Customers’ Words and tone of voice, body language, and how they feel. Ask questions, listen, and meet them on their level. Explain, guide, educate, assist and do what is necessary to help them get the information they need to fully understand regarding their question or issue.4. Show Enthusiasm. Greet customers with genuine interest. Give them your best. Think, act, and talk with positive enthusiasm and you will attract positive results. Your attitude is contagious!5. Identify and Anticipate Needs. Most customer needs are more emotional rather than logical. 6. Under Promise & Over Deliver. Apply the principle of “Service Beyond Self” . . . give more than expected. Meet and exceed their expectations. If you can’t serve their needs, connect them with whoever can. 7. Make them Feel Important.Our deepest desire is to feel important. People rarely care how much you know until they know how much you care. Use their names, find ways to compliment them—and be sincere. 8. Take Responsibility for their Satisfaction.Do whatever is necessary to help them solve their problems. Let them know that if they can’t find answers to their questions to come back to you for help.9. Treat your TEAM well. Fellow colleagues are your internal customers and need a regular dose of appreciation. Thank them and find ways to let them know how important they are. Treat your colleagues with respect; chances are they will have a higher regard for customers. 10. Choose an Attitude of Gratitude. Gratitude changes your perspective and helps you appreciate the good rather than simply taking it for granted.11. Perform, Provide and Follow-Up.Always perform or provide your service in a spirit of excellence and integrity. If you say you’re going to do something—DO IT! There is tremendous value in being a resource for your customer. If you can help them to succeed, they are more likely to help you succeed. Use Gracious Words. "Thank you, thank you very much.
Decide today to take a stand, make a plan, and get. No one ever said it was going to be easy and wouldn’t require effort. It will sometimes require that you go against the grain, face great challenge, conquer fear, overcome obstacles, and bounce back when knocked down. Choose to keep moving and don’t give up. And if your ship still doesn’t come in—swim out to it!
Initiative is The Start of All Good Things. Your ship will never come in if you don’t send any out. Have you ever found yourself dreaming, hoping, and waiting passively for things to change or for your life to get better?
Do you ever sit back and wonder how and why other people are so successful, productive, or accomplished? What is the driver that inspires them to go for the gold, seize opportunities, and make things happen?
Rather than being green with envy, realize that a dramatic difference between the “haves” and “have-nots” is the “do” and “do-nots.” If you are seeking positive change and transformation, what can you begin to do?
First, take complete responsibility for your life and current outcomes. Then take proactive steps for the necessary action to move forward in your desired direction. This personal choice is at the heart of your achieving impressive results. Taking initiative is the start of all good things born from action . . .• Growth• Creativity• Enterprise• Invention• Success• Solutions• Accomplishment• Development• Positive Change• Transformation
Just Show Up. Guess what? Being in the right place at the right time can’t happen without your first showing up. Companies have been started, marriages made, friendships found, careers created, and opportunities seized by those people who just showed up. Whether through coincidence, serendipity, strategy, or fate, taking the initiative to show up will reward you in ways which never would have occurred if you hadn’t. Just by showing up, you have taken a proactive step to impress people by being there" in person” and demonstrating your willingness to be involved.
Have you ever had a friend in need whose only request was the gift of your presence? When major life changes happen or tragedies hit, you can find out very quickly who your real friends are because they are the ones who SHOW UP.
Years ago, my childhood friend Steve lost his father. Since Steve had left Tallahassee shortly after high school graduation, we had not seen each other for over a decade. Upon learning of his father’s funeral, I made plans to attend to "be there." After the service, I approached the family’s receiving line. When Steve saw me, he was stunned that I had made the effort to be there for him. We both cried as we hugged and he said, “I can’t tell you what it means to me that you showed up.” Showing up sends a message that you are a devoted friend, a team player, a dedicated parent, an inspiring leader, a loyal mate, and more.
To Move from Woe to Wow with an Unhappy Customer. . . Apologize• Thank your customer for raising the issue.• Apologize sincerely–never argue. • Own the problem, even if it is not your fault.• Show genuine concern in your gestures, posture, and tone of voice.• Take your customer at their word without questioning their motives or integrity.
Be the "Liker"“If you want to be liked, BE THE LIKER!” This was some of the best advice my enlightened mother ever gave me. Throughout my childhood, teen years, and adulthood, this golden nugget of simple wisdom empowered me to take personal responsibility for developing friendships. When you want to reach out, make new friends, and increase your likeability factor, step up and “like” others first. They will usually mirror your initiative and like you back.
Ignoring his advice, I got up, walked over, gently rested my hands on two of their shoulders and said, “Ladies, I have to tell you how much you have impressed me. I just moved to Madison from Florida and left behind all my girlfriends. I have been sitting over there admiring your friendships. You remind me so much of my girlfriends back home and I had to come over and speak with you.” And without missing a beat, I next asked, “Can I be your friend?” They were so impressed by my sincere request, they kindly opened their circle and invited me in.
I spend a great deal of time on airplanes traveling from one speaking engagement to the next. There have been times when I have sat for hours next to strangers with whom I never made eye contact or uttered a word. But then I have also met people with whom I engaged in such delightful conversation that it resulted in new business and referrals. The main difference was whether or not I took initiative to begin a conversation.
Introduce Yourself. Being confident and outgoing will empower you to approach new people who might be reluctant to take the first step. It is amazing how many people we come in contact with yet pass like ships in the night without any engagement or connection.
Take the initiative to introduce yourself. One morning I was sitting on a bike in a spinning class at my gym. There was a lady whom I did not know sitting on the bike next to me. As we waited for the instructor, I decided to break the silence and start a conversation. I took the initiative to introduce myself and within a few short minutes, I knew her children’s names, how long she had lived in Madison, which exercise classes she preferred, and where they went for Christmas. When the class was over, I confirmed that I remembered her name correctly, reminded her of mine and shared that it was a true pleasure meeting her. A simple introduction turned a stranger into a fresh and delightful new acquaintance.
Extend Invitations"How many times have you sat at home alone feeling jealous or sad that you were not invited to a party or out to dinner? You may have seen people having fun on Facebook and wondered what it would take to be included next time. And when you don’t feel included, it can leave you feeling rejected, dismissed, lonely and excluded. It does not have to be this way. Why do we wait for others to do the inviting? You can change your social life instantly by taking the initiative to reach out and connect with someone.
Be the Inviter“When I began my speaking career, I designed and delivered motivational programs for children teaching them success skills for life. Before going into a middle school one year, I interviewed the principal, Alexis Tibbetts, to ask what words of wisdom her students desperately needed to hear from me. She shared, “Kids can be so cruel. Some of the children never feel included or a part of something special. Please tell them that rather than being lonely and getting their feelings hurt, they can start doing the inviting.” Her words were spot-on. Alexis went on to become a well-loved superintendent of schools in Okaloosa County, Florida. Her words of wisdom were game-changing for her students. They can be game-changing for you as well.
Imagine how many new friends you would make, how much new business you could create, and how much fun you could have by simply taking the initiative to be the inviter. Try it today. Welcome new relationships into your life that would never have occurred otherwise.
I disagree with the adage, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Good intentions are powerful mindsets which will drive your actions to accomplish the results you want. Setting good intentions sets you up for success by providing you with a vision and a plan to “get ‘er done” and make it happen!
The road to hell” (in the metaphorical sense, of course), occurs when the people who have good intentions fail to act, follow-through, or live up to their promises, all of which creates stress, frustration, and disappointment. People can be earnest and well-meaning, but their words become hollow when actions do not follow their words. By setting good intentions and taking deliberate action to back intentions up, you can transform your results.
Why Do Some People NOT Take Initiative?• They have a FEAR of . . . rejection, looking stupid, failing, criticism, getting out of their comfort zone, or imposing on other people.• They are unmotivated or uninspired.• They get stuck in negativity, confusion, stress, or doubt.• They don’t want to upset the apple cart or the status quo.• They are lazy, disengaged, or indifferent.• They have LACK of . . . energy, desire, confidence, self-esteem, skills, creativity, imagination, connections, resources, education.
The first step in getting unstuck and moving forward is to examine what is holding you back from taking action. The power is yours to set your intention and take the action needed to create the life you desire. You are in control of your initiative—be proactive.
As you read in The Art of Being, having a heart of service and generosity is a powerful state of being and a positive way to make a great first impression through valuing others. "Service Beyond Self" encourages you to take deliberate action steps to rise above self-interest and ask what you can do for others, not what they can do for you.
Where my previous motivation had been a self-serving ambition, my new service mindset was dedicated to serving a vision greater than myself. Within a year, I quadrupled my income, and then I doubled it every year thereafter. This service mindset quickly taught me that by helping others achieve their goals, I could more easily achieve my own.
The Service Mindset. When I began my real estate career at the age of twenty-two, I had a fresh Bachelor’s Degree in Marketing in one hand and ‘a tiger by the tail’ in the other. I was on a mission to be successful in life and in business and make a lot of money in the process. Every goal I set was about Me. Me. Me! I was driven by: How much money could I make? Which property listings paid the biggest commissions? How many calls did I need to make to schedule new appointments? How many listings did I need to have to hit my target? You can see where I am going with this! Working full-time, nights and weekends, seven days a week, I only made eleven thousand dollars in the first year! I was tired, disillusioned, and knew that I had to either change careers or massively shift my mindset.I chose the latter. I took ALL focus off me and re-directed my time, energy, and resources to serving my clients. Their hopes, needs, and desires became my primary focus. How could I help solve their problems?
The Service Mindset. When I began my real estate career at the age of twenty-two, I had a fresh Bachelor’s Degree in Marketing in one hand and ‘a tiger by the tail’ in the other. I was on a mission to be successful in life and in business and make a lot of money in the process. Every goal I set was about Me. Me. Me! I was driven by: How much money could I make? Which property listings paid the biggest commissions? How many calls did I need to make to schedule new appointments? How many listings did I need to have to hit my target? You can see where I am going with this! Working full-time, nights and weekends, seven days a week, I only made eleven thousand dollars in the first year! I was tired, disillusioned, and knew that I had to either change careers or massively shift my mindset.I chose the latter. I took ALL focus off me and re-directed my time, energy, and resources to serving my clients. Their hopes, needs, and desires became my primary focus. How could I help solve their problems? And then EVERYTHING began to turn around . . .
What is the motive behind your services? If it is self-centered, self-serving, and lacking consideration for others, then earning people’s trust, rapport, and business will inevitably be more of a struggle. A self-serving agenda throws up red flags which stop relationships dead in their tracks. It can destroy trust, make people wary of your intentions, and push customers to your competition.
However, if your agenda is truly to serve, your ROI (return on investment) will substantially expand. As we know from the "Law of Reciprocity," what you give is what you get. If you are helping people only to see what you can get out of it, your pie stays small and your opportunities stay limited. However, if you sincerely want to help people succeed, you will not only enjoy more success, but expand your possibilities beyond your expectations. Once you see the benefits from all directions, you will not want it any other way!
Service Beyond Self is Essential for Success Because It . . .• Builds credibility, trust, and customer satisfaction.• Strengthens your personal reputation and public image.• Fosters goodwill and makes people feel appreciated.• Helps you build healthy relationships with others.• Nurtures collaboration, participation, and cooperation.• Reaffirms a continuity of service for quality assurance, integrity, and reliability. • Saves money—it costs less to keep existing customers than it does to create new ones. When you do it right the first time, you don’t have to fix it the next time.• Improves communication and builds rapport.• Fosters mutual respect and understanding• By providing other people with what they want, you will get more of what you want!
To Move from Woe to Wow . . . Listen Attentively• Be fully present and give your customer your full attention.• Stay calm and remain patient.• Do not interrupt or become defensive.• Let the customer express his or her concerns.• Nod your head and use affirming words to show that you are listening.• Repeat back and empathize, when necessary. This confirms your understanding of the problem or question.
While you will certainly attract more bees with honey, there are times when being nice can backfire. Take it from a naturally kind person, being a “bitch” has its time and place. There will be times when you must engage with mean, rude, and inconsiderate people.
Being Nice Has Its Limitations. While you will certainly attract more bees with honey, there are times when being nice can backfire. Take it from a naturally kind person, being a “bitch” has its time and place. There will be times when you must engage with mean, rude, and inconsiderate people.
4 Times to Get Tough . . .1. Self-Respect—You don’t have to take everything on the chin and lose the respect of yourself and others in the process. Don’t be a doormat or a pushover by allowing people to disrespect or run over you. Stand firm in your beliefs and values.2. Self-Preservation—Understand and set boundaries. Decide what is and what is not acceptable in how people treat you. Claim your power to live life on your terms and not at the whims of others’ unreasonable requests and demands. 3. Protecting others—If you are a parent of a child or a caretaker of the elderly or disabled, it is your moral duty to defend them to the end. 4. Self-Defense—Have you ever felt threatened, unsafe, or abused because of another’s behavior? Assert yourself and do whatever is necessary to ensure your safety. Being kind DOES NOT mean you should excuse such behavior.
Some people not only burn their bridges, but they also torch the town! With all their deeds of drama and destruction, they leave behind an aftermath of distrust, disrespect, and disappointment. And for what? This behavior creates immeasurable suffering in all directions. It ruins reputations and business deals, shatters lives—and closes doors which can never be re-opened. These repercussions can be prevented or avoided by simply BEING NICE.
Kindness is a powerful bridge builder which unifies teams, bonds friends, supports loved ones, and spreads goodwill. Tending to your bridges will fortify your relationships in such way that you will keep your invitations coming and your options open for future opportunities.
Whoever came up with the idea that "nice guys finish last" must have been either very jaded or downright malicious. Why would a caring, emotionally healthy human being ever think that being “un-nice” is a virtue? Anyone who wants to get ahead in life and have quality outcomes needs to understand that kindness is a strength. You will move forward faster by making friends rather than foes.
17 Ways to Just Be Nice“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” ―Aesop1. Be sincere.2. Be altruistic.3. Practice patience.4. Inquire and engage.5. Keep your promises.6. Offer help to others.7. Acknowledge others.8. Control your behavior.9. Be situationally aware.10. Be polite and courteous.11. Use considerate manners.12. Greet people with a smile. 13. Practice random acts of kindness.14. Show respect for yourself and others.15. Be complimentary and look for positives.16. Walk in another’s shoes to understand their needs.17. Share of yourself without expecting anything in return.
Life rewards action. To get from where you are now to where you want to be requires forward movement and momentum. Although you may already know what it takes to bridge the gap, simply knowing what to do is not enough.
Action is the key to creating the changes needed to propel you toward your chosen outcomes and help you achieve your relationship goals. How are you allocating your time, energy, and activities to ‘activate your awesome’ and contribute to making a positive first impression?
Nice is a little word with a big meaning. How many times did your mother say, "Just be nice?" It's basic manners, yet in our negative world today people often neglect to extend random acts of kindness and simple acts of courtesy.
It is no mystery why nice people are well-liked and get along harmoniously with others. Being nice makes people feel emotionally safe, allowing for more authentic, trusting, and happy interactions.
Google Proves Nice Counts. On a quest to discover what it takes to build the "perfect team," Google launched the Project Aristotle initiative to find the answers. Over a period of several years, they surveyed hundreds of teams, conducted interviews, analyzed studies, and observed how team members interacted with one another.Google’s findings revealed that "psychological safety" is the key ingredient for creating a high-functioning team. It nurtures a healthy environment that encourages freedom of expression, engaging communication, empathy for one another, caring, support, respect and, drum roll please . . . BEING NICE!
Benefits of Being Nice • You set positive karma into motion.• What you give is what you get back in return.• You are more likable.• People will treat you better.• You will reduce personal stress.• You will make friends more easily.• You can improve someone else’s day.• You will have less drama in your life.• It takes less energy than being otherwise.• It makes you a more valuable team player.• You create a sense of emotional safety for others.• It can keep you physically and psychologically safe.• You set a positive example for others to play nicely.• You will build bridges of cooperation and collaboration.• You will improve personal and professional interactions• Lastly, being nice feels nice!
In the hit movie, “Pay It Forward,” a middle school child dreams of how he can change the world by being the catalyst for kindness. He begins his “social experiment” by performing a selfless act of kindness, and so begins the domino effect. As each consecutive person receives an act of kindness they, in turn, do something nice for another. The kindness becomes contagious and changes hundreds of lives for the better. Think of the global impact we could make if more people would make it their mission to simply pay if forward by BEING NICE.