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My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.- Charley Davidson

Darynda Jones , em First Grave on the Right
humor charley-davidson

He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.

Darynda Jones , em First Grave on the Right
funny charley-davidson first-grave-on-the-right

For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.

Darynda Jones , em Second Grave on the Left
funny charley-davidson darynda-jones shoot-out

As we sat there, the door opened, just barely, and a hand slid inside and dropped a set of keys on a side table."Thanks, Garrett!" I called out.He gave me a thumbs-up and closed the door."How do you suppose he knew we were performing sexual favors on each other?" I asked, snuggling against my man again."Possibly because you screamed my name about seven times.

Darynda Jones , em Eleventh Grave in Moonlight
sex funny charley-davidson garrett-swopes reyes-farrow

Have you slept yet?''Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.''Didn't you drive there?''Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.'- Charley & Cookie

Darynda Jones , em Third Grave Dead Ahead
humour charley-davidson cookie

Did you catch the time-of-great-suffering thing?”Her expression softened. “Can you just make sure I’m not around when it happens?”“No can do,” I said, strolling back to my office with a negating wave of my hand. “If I have to suffer, then so does everyone else within a ten-mile radius.”She pursed her lips. “What ever happened to taking one for the team?”“Was never much of a team player.”“Sacrificing yourself for the greater good?”“Not that into human sacrifice.”“Suffering in silence?”I stopped and turned back to her, my eyes narrowing accusingly. “If I have to suffer, I’ll be screaming your name at the top of my lungs the whole time. You’ll be able to hear me all the way to Jersey, mark my words.”- Charley to Cookie

Darynda Jones , em Third Grave Dead Ahead
humour charley-davidson cookie

Since I didn't have a candy wrapper to help me with the bad connection I was about to have, I resorted to using vocal sound effects. When Agent Carson picked up, I started my performance. "Agent... Agent Carson," I said, panting into the phone."Yes, Charley." She seemed unimpressed, but I wasn't about to stop now."I--I know who the kshshshshshsh are.""I'm a little busy right now, Davidson. What is a Ksh, and why do I care?""I'm sorry. My kshshsh... is kshshsh... ing."I repeat. What is a Ksh? And why do I care if it is ksh-ing?"She was a tough one. I knew I should have waited and bought a Butterfinger at the Jug-N-Chug. Those wrappers crakled like Rice Krispies on a Saturday morning. "You aren't listeni--kshshsh.""You're really bad at this.""Bank ro-ksh-ers. I know who they kshshsh.""Charley, if you don't cut this crap out."I hung up and turned off my phone before she could figure out what I was trying not to tell her and call back.

Darynda Jones , em Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet
humour charley-davidson agent-carson

Gemma Davidson,” she answered, her voice as groggy as I felt. “Where are you?” I asked. “Who is this?” “Elvis.” “What time is it?” “Hammer time?” “Charley.” “Did you text me? Did your car break down?” “No and no. Why are you doing this to me?” She was funny. “Check your cell.” I heard a loud, sleepy sigh, some rustling of sheets, then, “It won’t come on.” “Not at all?” “No. What did you do to it?” “I ate it for breakfast. Check the battery compartment.” “Where the hell is that?” “Um, behind the battery door.” “Are you punking me?” I heard her fumbling with the phone. “Gem, if I was going to punk you, I wouldn't simply turn off your phone. I would pour honey in your hair while you slept. Or, you know, something like that.” “That was you?” she asked, appalled.

Darynda Jones , em Third Grave Dead Ahead
humour charley-davidson darynda-jones gemma-davidson third-grave-dead-ahead

Does Uncle Bob have anything?""I heard he has an STD.""I mean on the women.""Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.

Darynda Jones , em Fifth Grave Past the Light
humour charley-davidson

There's another part, an obstinate part, that wants more. That wants Dutch live and in the flesh. That wants her hand. Her mouth. Her hips under mine. It wants all of her. Every last ounce. Body and soul.

Darynda Jones , em Brighter Than the Sun
love passion charley-davidson reyes-farrow

If he didn't hate me so much and he wasn't an evil supernatural being, I'd be on him like black on Cookie's toast.That woman could not make toast.

Darynda Jones , em The Dirt on Ninth Grave
love passion charley-davidson reyes-farrow

The regular I both feared and salivated to see was names Reyes Farrow. Where others exuded aggression, deception, and insecurity, he literally dripped confidence, sex, and power. Mostly sex.

Darynda Jones , em The Dirt on Ninth Grave
relationship charley-davidson reyes-farrow

Keep Reading.Keep Writing.Keep Pushing yourself!And never stop learning!We writerly types have to stick together mostly because everybody else thinks we're "weird".

Darynda Jones , em The Curse of Tenth Grave
author words-of-wisdom charley-davidson

I still had my hand on his side, careful not to press. He reached out and hooked a finger into the belt loop on my jeans. It felt so natural, so fulfilling, to be there with him. To talk with him as if we did it everyday. As if we'd been doung it every day for years. Not even the heat of Ian's fury could penetrate the warmth I was getting from Reyes.

Darynda Jones , em The Dirt on Ninth Grave
love true-love charley-davidson reyes-farrow

I essentially killed those men. Am I slated for hell?"He stepped to me. Put his fingers underneath my chin. Raised it until our gazes locked. "You're a god, Dutch. And the reaper. You don't get slated. You are the slate.

Darynda Jones , em Eleventh Grave in Moonlight
god hell charley-davidson reyes-farrow

You still owe me a million dollars." I'd presented him with a bill for proving his innocence and getting him freed from prison. He had yet to pay. Couldn't imagine why."Yeah, I was hoping we could work that out.""The interest alone is going to kill you.""What do you charge?""Three hundred eighty-seven percent.""Is that ethical?""It's as ethical as my dating the son of Satan.

Darynda Jones , em Fifth Grave Past the Light
ethics charley-davidson reyes-farrow

The point is, stories can be all lengths. Never underestimate the power of “less is more.

Darynda Jones
words-of-wisdom charley-davidson darynda-jones

Writing is transcendental. It is a form of expression, a form of art that you can take anywhere. That you can do anywhere. It poses the deepest questions in the universe. It generates emotion. It elicits empathy, promotes learning, creates an intellect you simply cannot get from any other medium. For me, it is air.

Darynda Jones
writing writing-life charley-davidson grimreaper

You know?” he asked.“Yes. I know what I am.”“You – you do?”“I’m a time traveler.

Darynda Jones , em The Dirt on Ninth Grave
humorous-quotes charley-davidson reyes-farrow

I could’ve knocked the shit out of her .She’d have good reason to roll her eyes then. But knocking the shit out of rude people wasn’t my style. Heckling them every chance I got was. Hopefully she’d screw up soon. I didn’t have all day.

Darynda Jones , em Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet
funny-quotes charley-davidson grimm-reaper

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