I miss him in so many ways, but right now I miss him in the way you always miss someone when you're single among a room full of couples.

No second chances. It's not so much about morality, but about my inability to forgive. I am a champion grudge holder, and I don't think I could change this about myself even if I wanted to.

Sorrow comes with so many defense mechanisms. You have your shock, your denial, your getting wasted, your cracking jokes, and your religion. You also have the old standby catchall--the blind belief in fate, the whole "things happening for a reason" drill.But my personal favorite defense has always been anger, with its trusty offshoots of self-righteous indignation, bitterness, and resentment.