To some believers, being on the pill or using a condom is a nonverbal way of telling God to go to hell.

It goes without saying that even those of us who are going to hell will get eternal life—if that territory really exists outside religious books and the minds of believers, that is. Having said that, given the choice, instead of being grilled until hell freezes over, the average sane human being would, needless to say, rather spend forever idling in an extremely fertile garden, next to a lamb or a chicken or a parrot, which they do not secretly want to eat, and a lion or a tiger or a crocodile, which does not secretly want to eat them.

Old words are reborn with new faces.

Among other possibilities, money was invented to make it possible for a foolish man to control wise men; a weak man, strong men; a child, old men; an ignorant man, knowledgeable men; and for a dwarf to control giants.

Being rich or famous is the only profound thing that some people have ever said.

For a sane person to sincerely be happy that someone has succeeded, they have to either be profiting or likely to profit from that person’s success, or be that person.

Most sane human beings’ chances of being alive in a thousand years’ time are a hundred times higher than their chances of being sincerely happy for at least ten consecutive days.

Not a few millions of parents strongly hope that their own children will step in by instantly becoming their own parents’ foster parents, if and when the parents reach their second childhood.

Some people talk about other people’s failures with so much pleasure that you would swear they are talking about their own successes.

Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are staring at them that they do not eat as much and as frequently as they seem to.

Most sane human beings who are over the age of six usually act or react not as per what they genuinely feel or really think but in accordance with the expectations of those around them.

The most upsetting thing about Society’s attitude towards disabled people is that many millions of disabled people became disabled while trying to please Society, the very same bitch that secretly regards them as subhuman.

Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by our mothers, or vice versa.

Patriotism is the narcissism of countries.

Greed is a contagious mental illness without which civilization as we know it would not have been possible.

Many a survivor of a plane crash who is or was against cannibalism and had never eaten human flesh once found themselves in a situation where they had to either eat human flesh, or go the way of all flesh.

Many if not most slaves would have each readily jumped, and many if not most slaves would each readily jump, at the opportunity to be a master, if such an opportunity presents or had presented itself.

Just like how most if not all poor boys look up to and aspire to someday be rich men, most if not all underdeveloped and developing countries look up to and aspire to someday be developed countries.

To ask a man whether or not he has a girlfriend is to talk about his sex life. If you disagree with that, then how in the name of God do you differentiate between a man’s girlfriend and a girl that is a friend to the man?

The last time everyone loved or at least liked everyone was when the world had a population of about 4.

As we all know, as if forever exploiting or attempting to exploit each other were not enough, a group of sane human beings who have just reached the end of a war against a common enemy of theirs will sooner or later start or continue killing and/or fighting against each other.

In reality most human beings are not, to most human beings, more important than money.

For their never-ending endeavours to obtain or retain wealth, countries desperately need companies, because they—unlike most human beings—have the means of production, and human beings, because they—unlike all companies—have the means of reproduction.

Most sane human beings who have managed to attain and retain fame each uses it to dramatically increase their name’s chances of being remembered until Jesus comes back, since their heart cannot do what they consciously or unconsciously lust for, that is to say, for it to beat until Jesus returns.

The average adult has had sex innumerable times more than they have formed an opinion of their own.

Although they probably know that some children were used and some children are used as miners, most adults are ignorant of the chocolate industry’s use of minors.

There is nothing morally wrong with buying stolen goods, unless you know that they were stolen.

Millions of business people are each constantly forced to choose between their desire to not be a bad person and their desire to be a good business person, that is to say, to make as much money as they possibly can by maximizing their revenue while minimizing the cost of producing whatever it is that they sell.

We, in the interest of the so-called progress, have been persuaded to leave the production and at times the cooking of our food to companies whose owners and employees make a living by exploiting our busyness or laziness and our innate hunger to continue living.

Many millions of pregnancies—many if not most of which have each led to the birth of at least one child—were each used as nothing but a conspicuous means to a secret end called the evasion of abortion.

The world economy would collapse if a significant number of people were to realize and then act on the realization that it is possible to enjoy many if not most of the things that they enjoy without first having to own them.

Many a parent, sad to say, has used their child as an opportunity for them, the parent, to do, through their child, something or some of the things that they, the parent, did not do or did not do successfully.

When selecting a one-night stand, a heterosexual woman who is materialistic is a trillion times more likely to choose a sexually unattractive poor man who seems rich over a sexually attractive rich man who seems poor.

Loneliness tortures many if not most of the elderly more intensely and more frequently than it torments many if not most of us who will never be or have not yet been pushed or pulled into old age.

As an unavoidable result of the inevitable loss of some physical and/or some mental abilities, many a man who has been alive for many years has become a boy again.

Go to bed! Someone is anxious to come into your dream.

Millions of sane people would each be sexually attracted to their own parent or child if they were not related to them.

Life is a process during which one initially gets less and less dependent, independent, and then more and more dependent.

Some people avoid thinking deeply in public, only because they are afraid of coming across as suicidal.

Some people hate people who are overconfident, only because their overconfidence reminds them of their underconfidence.

A premature death does not only rob one of the countless instances where one would have experienced pleasure, it also saves one from the innumerable instances where one would have experienced pain.

If we were not impressed by job titles, suits, and jargon, we would demand that financial advisors show us their personal bank statements before they tell us what we could or should do with our own money.

Boredom is probably more frequent and more tormenting if you do not have sight or hands.

In some cases, you can tell how somebody is being treated by their own boss from the way they are treating someone to whom they are a boss.

Some people are each holding on to a lover of theirs who no longer loves them and/or who they no longer love, only because they do not want to have a reason or another reason to be jealous of the person who would eventually be their lover if they let go of them.

Most men would no longer enjoy conversing with most women if they stopped bringing their vaginas along.

A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their partner, even if that is not true.

More often than not, an inspirational or motivational speaker is someone who makes money from telling us that we can do all of the things that we can do … and pretty much all of the things that we cannot do.

Adults who use big words in order to seem intelligent are annoying, especially those who are not intelligent.

Most of us cling to life as if our existence were a result of our deed or choice.

Bigheadedness is usually a symptom of small-mindedness.

Some people will hate you for not loving them.

We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they hate us.

The fact that the person who you are sleeping with is also sleeping with another person or other people does not necessarily mean that he or she does not love you. And the fact that you are the only person who someone is sleeping with does not necessarily mean that he or she loves you.

A seemingly simple task like taking a bath or wearing a condom feels like multitasking to someone who suffers from hemiplegia or has only one hand.

Most human beings strongly believe that money is way less important than the life of a human being, but in reality five hundred, fifty, or even five dollars are way more important to the lives of most human beings than the lives of most human beings.

Most human beings would have never been pained by the death of a human being if they had never seen a human being or pretending to be pained by that.

More often than not, expecting to lose weight without first losing the diet that made the weight loss necessary is like expecting a pig to be spotless after hosing it down while it was still rolling in mud.

Once you drop a mask, you can never wear it again.

Plants are more courageous than almost all human beings: an orange tree would rather die than produce lemons, whereas instead of dying the average person would rather be someone they are not.

Being bored is the price we pay for not being insane.

We are loved way more by some of the people who have not contacted us in the last twelve or so months than we are loved by some of those who contact us every twelve or so days … or hours.

We all have problems. Or rather, everyone has at least one thing that they regard as a problem.

Many a death was precipitated by the food, the job, or the medication whose main function was to postpone it.

When in court, the primary role of lawyers is not to prove or disprove innocence; unbeknown to almost all lawyers and their clients, it is to save the court time.

The death of a billionaire is worth more to the media than the lives of a billion poor people.

People will never get in touch with democracy. It's always surrounded by bodyguards.

One of the main functions of a push-up bra is to lower the number of mothers who seem like mothers.

The kind of lies that someone tells us gives us an idea of how stupid, knowledgeable, intelligent, or ignorant they are … or they think we are.

An expensive coffin does not decrease the deceased’s chances of going to hell.

Unless they are off duty, no matter how wide it is, and even when it is sincere, a smile seems fake if the job description of the person who is smiling includes smiling.

Things are always either black or white. The grey in between is only a confusion.

Some people have contracted HIV during their separate endeavours to give someone or some people a curable STD.

You cannot be truly humble, unless you truly believe that life can and will go on without you.

Famine sometimes increases the number of people who are overweight.

Some social ills are preserved by the common misbelief that things such as ignorance, greed, and stupidity do not have the stamina required to reach old age.

A truly compassionate man gives a poor woman a portion of his meal before he eats, not after he has eaten.

Some women’s greatest achievement is sleeping with a man who is rich, famous, and/or wanted by many women, whereas some women’s greatest achievement is refusing to sleep with such a man.

Some people masturbate to temporarily replace their partners when they are absent, whereas some people do that to temporarily live in the present.

With regard to things such as independence, mental capabilities, and sexuality, a very old man is nothing but a gigantic infant with white hair and wrinkles.

Life sometimes reminds us that it is sometimes heartless by giving something or someone we really need to someone who does not need or even want them or it.

Some people who have been working out regularly for months or even years are still out of shape because the number of cheat days they have in a week exceeds six.

Some of the people who hate me love some of the sentences that I have written, until they get to the name of the person to whom the sentences are attributed.

A maid’s yard, house, wardrobe, fridge, etc. sometimes also serve as her master’s dustbin or dumpsite.

If the food that one ate the night before were somehow able to be seen and identified through one’s clothes throughout the day, millions of employees would each fast ten or so days before their payday.

The human population would probably be way less than a thousand, if ejaculation were not usually accompanied by an orgasm.

Many of the boys and men who are regarded as immature by some females are so deemed merely because they do not want to get married someday … or soon.

Give a man a finger, he’ll put a wedding ring on it!

Playing a fool is the best paid role.

In the beginning there was the Word. Then we broke it.

Repeat a lie a thousand times and it become a successful political campaign.

Getting through life without a lot of money, possessions, and/or friends is admirable, especially if it is by choice.

Though people sort of need your permission to talk to you, they do not really need one to talk about you.

We envy people who are extremely old because we wish to live that long, not because we want to be that old.

Being divorced does not necessarily make one’s advice on marriage useless … or useful.

The real reason the number of things that are shared via social media every single minute is so astronomical is because, whenever they each do, most users do not share or say something because they believe they have something worth remembering; they do mainly or only because they fear being forgotten.

Some people would regard people who look like they do as ugly if they did not look like them.

Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit.

The second most dangerous thing about money is that it leaves most of the people who have a lot of it with the unshakable belief that they are intelligent and well informed. The most dangerous thing about it is that it leaves most of the people who do not have a lot of money with the very same belief.

By drinking, a boy acts like a man. After drinking, many a man acts like a boy.

Being a bad parent is a sign of not having learned from experience.

He who is jealous is better off not dating someone who is bisexual.

There is no such thing as a boring person when you are lonely or extremely bored.

There is so much woman in many a girl and too much boy in many a man.

Life curses some poor people with the love of luxury, while it blesses some with the very same thing.