Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people that they don't like.

Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I never met a man that I didn't like.

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.

Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

You know, everybody's ignorant, just on different subjects.

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.

Even if you are on the right track, but just sit there, you will still get run over.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

you can't say civilization dont advance, in every war they kill you in a new way

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing,you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.The one that's out always looks the best

The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of Congress?

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.

There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by readin’. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Everybody is ignorant, Just on different subjects.

An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.

Lord, the money we do spend on Government and it's not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money twenty years ago.

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.

If stupidity got us in this mess, how come it can't get us out.

If stupidity got us into this, why can't stupidity get us out?

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Even if you're on the right track you'll get run over if you just sit there.

A holding company is the people you give your money to while you're being searched.

Don't gamble take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up then sell it. If it don't go up don't buy it.

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.

There is nothing so stupid as an educated man if you get off the thing that he was educated in.

Even if you're on the right track you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

There ain't nothing but one thing wrong with every one of us and that's selfishness.

Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.

This thing of being a hero about the main thing to it is to know when to die.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

We are all here for a spell get all the good laughs you can.

Everybody is ignorant only on different subjects.

I don't know what humor is.

It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble it's what we know that ain't so.

The only thing that can stop hair from falling ... is the floor.

To make money buy some good stock hold it until it goes up and then sell it. If it doesn't go up don't buy it.

AH I know is what I see in the papers.

So get a few laughs and do the best you can.

A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.

I'm not a member of any organized party I'm a Democrat.

More men have been elected between Sundown and Sunup than ever were elected between Sunup and Sundown.

If you ever injected truth into politics you would have no politics.

The more you read about politics the more you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with.

The Republicans have their splits right after election and Democrats have theirs just before an election.

One revolution is like one cocktail it just gets you organized for the next.

We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.

We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.

Everyone is ignorant only on different subjects.

When you put down the good things you ought to have done and leave out the bad things you did do - well that's memoirs.

Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth.