I wonder if I'll ever have to decide which is worse, life as we're living or no life at all.

If God wanted a world filled with saints, He never would have created adolescence.

But she's wrong about hell. You don't have to wait until you're dead to get there.

The Christmas after Mom & Dad split up, they both went crazy buying us presents. Matt, Jonny, and I were showered with gifts at home and at Dads apartment. I thought that was great. I was all in favor of my love being paid for with presents. This year all I got was a diary and a secondhand watch. Okay, I know this is corny, but this really is what Christmas is all about.

I thought about the earth then, really thought about it, the tsunami's and earthquakes and volcanoes, all the horrors I haven't witnessed but have changed my life, the lives of everyone I know, all the people I'll never know. I thought about life without the sun, the moon, stars, without flowers and warm days in May. I thought about a year ago and all the good things I'd taken for granted and all the unbearable things that had replaced those simple blessings. And even though I hated the thought of crying in from of Syl, tears streamed down my face.

I wonder if I cry whether my tears would be gray.

Sometimes the rules don't work. Sometimes the rules cause the anarchy.

Well, no one says you can be happy about everything," I said. "I know I should be glad for you, Megan, but frankly I think you're crazy. And if Reverend Marshall is making you this way, I think he's evil. This life, this everyday existence, is the one gift we're given. To throw it away, to want to be dead, to me that's the sin.

I guess I always felt even if the world came to an end, McDonald's would still be open.

Because if I let myself feel the pain and the anger, I think it might kill me. Or I might kill someone else. I know it's wrong to feel that way about God and I know its's wrong to not feel anything. I hate it. I don't hate God. I hate not loving Him.

Which means every tomorrow is going to be worse than every today. Why feel sorry for myself today when tomorrow's bound to be worse?

We're all alive. We're all healthy. These are the good times.

So what if I don't learn algebra?''Someday schools will be open again,' Mom said. 'Things will be normal. You need to do your work now for when that happens.''That's never going to happen,' Jon said. 'And even if schools do open up somewhere, they're not going to open up here. There aren't enough people left.' 'We don't know how many people are like us, holed up, making do until times get better.''I bet whoever they are, they aren't studying algebra,' Jon said.

My existence is the only gift I have left to give, but it will have to do.

I have scars. No one alive today doesn't. But Alex's scars have to be much deeper than mine.

Mom, is the world coming to an end?" Jonny asked, picking up the plate of cookies and ramming one into his mouth."No, it isn'T," Mom said, folding her lawn chair and carrying it to the front of the house. "And yes, you do have to go to school tomorrow.

Every day we're one day closer to death. But there's no reason to rush into it.

One of the more gratifying things about guilt is that it makes us feel important.

Sometimes the rues don't work. Sometimes the rules cause the anarchy.

I never really thought about how when I look at the moon, it's the same moon as Shakespeare and Marie Antoinette and George Washington and Cleopatra looked at.

So we baked and sweated together. I like punching the dough. I told myself it was the moon and punched it senseless.

We're all alive. We're all health. These are the good times.

The only way you can be the best at something is to be the best you can be.

Just in case the world ends tomorrow, we might as well enjoy today.