- Why'd you even think I'd read your diploma before, during, or after buying 10 copies of it in an all-you-can-drink online bar? - If I could drink what I read, I'd probably still be drunk on Joyce's Ulysses. I should've chased it with a racer.-Stefan D and Jarod Kintz

- Daddy won’t buy me a new pony, so I’m gonna burn my old one so he will have to buy me a new one. - Will a horse do? I'm a horse. I'm a horse. Yes, of course. Yes, of course. (That's a little children's poem.).-Jarod Kintz and Stefan D

- Why is depression the blues and not the grays? - Because racer!-Jarod Kintz and Stefan D

- My love is about 2/3rds as invisible as her love, and that sort of transparency isn’t really all that healthy in a relationship. - I chop trees down with my sharpened mustache, remember? Cloning works, but can lead you in the wrong direction.-Jarod Kintz and Stefan D

- If no one understands anything in the same way, what use is communication? - The best way to recycle empty soup cans is to tie a string to them and talk to yourself - from up to a mile away.

- Sort out the sort ofs from the maybes, and maybe you will start walking in the right direction, like you’re on a treadmill. - You have your direction. I have my direction. As for the correct direction, the one direction - it does not exist...-Jarod Kintz and Stefan D

I'm always under surveillance from both the NSA, the Russian KGB, and the Bulgarian Army, so I'm the most invisible.

If you were to ask Jarod Kintz‬‬‬ what his personal favourite joke was, he'd say the one with the island. The big one next to New Zealand.-Stefan D and Jarod Kintz