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I was thinking that preparing to meet someone you don’t think you’ll like is a lot like pulling a tooth you do like, in that you’ll be very sweaty and know very well (at least at that moment in time) that life would be far grander if you went in another direction.

em Shoeburn and The Ill-Fitting Necklace
humor children fiction mystery middle-grade

My attention was like cooking butter, not spreadable at the best of times. And when it was spreadable, it could destroy your toast by setting it ablaze. I was unpredictable, even to myself.

em Shoeburn and The Ill-Fitting Necklace
humor children fiction mystery middle-grade

My father was a patient father. He was so patient that when he once saw a sign that read ‘Patient Entrance’ at the Welt Foot Hospital, he drove his automobile incredibly slow.

em Shoeburn and The Ill-Fitting Necklace
humor children fiction mystery middle-grade

A great deal of a child’s life is being asked and being told things by adults and not knowing the answers or what to do. So, I didn’t say anything.

em Shoeburn and The Ill-Fitting Necklace
humor children fiction mystery middle-grade

The address given to me by Greta was written in such a way that the words looked like numbers, and the numbers looked like the aftermath of a startled octopus meeting a deep-sea diver in a corner café. It was the worst writing I had ever seen.

em Shoeburn and The Ill-Fitting Necklace
humor fiction middle-grade children-mystery

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