I drift through forests in my dreams, I swim the lake I imagine for myself when I’m sad. It’s so blue and clear. I scoop some water into my hands as I tread water and I can see right through it, almost as if it’s air. Tiny, luminescent fish live at the bottom of the pool and wink at me as I swim naked and free above them, my hair spilling out around me.
Do the things I never did. Swear. Wear neon colours. Skydive. Climb fences. Ride horses naked. Say obscene things. Make love. Shout at people when they piss you off. Toot your horn. Scream. Become tainted and be proud of it. It’s who you are. You came into this world naked and blank, like a canvass, but I want you to go screaming out of it covered in every colour of the rainbow.
Love alone can’t fix me. I’m broken in ways you can’t imagine. Daily, I’m coping with scenarios I build in my head… scenarios involving you in danger. I see danger everywhere. It’s who I am, what I do. I can’t help the way I feel. I need to closet you, coddle you, protect you against my bosom and smother you.