My brain, having been suspended in a state of hyper-vigilance for such a long time, just packed in and said 'No more, your job now is to lie on the sofa incredibly still and just work on evaporating, you useless towel'. And so I did.

Because the silence is exhausting and isolating in a way it needn't be.

I'm going to lie down. Please wake me up in a couple of don't.

It wasn't that I stopped caring about life, but that I've stopped being able to care.

...this was as if an actual steamroller driven by a crazy grinning idiot had trundled through the door and flattened my entire life into a sad pancake of nothingness.

Why would I want to take baby steps? Babies are shit at walking - think about it. To move forward I'll be taking jazzy little lizard steps.