See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.

I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.

Death is nature’s way of saying, ‘Your table is ready.

I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.

Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.

Smile my boy, it’s sunrise

An alcoholic is someone who can violate his standards faster than he can lower them.

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.

Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!

Cricket is baseball on Valium.

There are no rules. Just follow your heart.

You might say he was one taco short of a combination platter.

Spring is nature's way of saying "Let's party!"