And in a way, this was how he had come to see his death, as a series of small ones taking place over the course of his life and leading finally to the main event, which would be so anti-climatic, so undramatic (a sudden violent seizure in his long abused heart, a quick massive flooding of the brain) it would go unnoticed. It was the small deaths occurring over an entire lifetime that took the greater toll.

I'll have to as you say take a stand do something toward shaking up that system. ... Despair ... is too easy an out.

Sometimes a person has to go back really back-to have a sense an understanding of all that's gone to make them-before they can go forward.