I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him.

I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.

Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.

The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that it's coming quickly.

Humor is just another defense against theuniverse.

If you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy and colorful and lively.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So for every ten Jews beating their breasts God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast-beaters. By the time I was five I knew I was that one.

Humour is just another defence against the universe.

Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names identities personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him.