On Atheism – If people continue to think of atheism as a kind of religion, then I demand all the perks that real religions get. I want to build big empty buildings where like-minded people can gather once a week to debate a non-existent deity. I want tax-exempt status. I want real food, not cheap wine and crackers. I want a rocking band. I want altar men! Not altar boys—altar MEN—and I want them to look like the chain-clad guy who hands an envelope to RuPaul at the beginning of “To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar”.

On Love - Love without trust is the love you give a dog. You may call that cute little mutt a member of the family but you don't let him in the kitchen when there's a roast on the table.

On Money - There are many ways to get rich quickly. All of them are risky. Some of them are dangerous. A few of them are downright fatal.

On Virtue – When people want to describe the hideousness of a person or object, they may use the phrase ‘ugly as sin’. But the phrase should be ‘ugly as virtue’. Sin isn’t ugly. It’s highly attractive! That’s why so many people flock to it.

On Critique – Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Those who can’t do or teach, criticize.

On Perseverance – Persistence is admirable. Stubbornness is stupid. Just remember: the latter two even begin with the same three letters.