Gabe, you’re sick, and much as you’re a shithead sometimes, I’ve trained you to be a fairly acceptable shithead to me. If you died I’d have to go to all the effort of training someone else.”“If I died maybe you should consider a change of career into the nursing profession. With your lovely bedside manner you’d be a shoo-in.

Shithead Boss Man, eh? You know, Dylan, I really lucked out in the assistant department. The other partners in the firm have ended up with someone awful, who soothes them, is at their beck and call and agrees with them all the time. I got one who is sarcastic, argumentative, scruffy, rarely where he should be, and calls me Shithead Boss Man rather than Sir.”Jude laughs at him, before reaching out and swiping one of the prawns from my carton of sweet and sour. “He’d call you Sir if you spanked him.

He’s adorably high-handed where you’re concerned, isn’t he?”My eyes slide closed. “With anyone.” “No,” he says thoughtfully. “Only you. He really can’t be bothered with anyone else, unless they’re connected to you. You’re all he sees.

The truth is that I will always need you more than you need me. It’s also the truth that I’m not a good bet for someone as vital and young as you. I’m bad tempered, a perfectionist who is too serious, and too used to being on my own. You could go out tomorrow and find someone better for you, but the truth is that no one will ever need you like I do.” He pauses and then says firmly. “No one will ever love you like I do.

Listen to me very carefully, and think hard about what happens if you go over my head to do something for me that you think is right. What is my normal reaction?”Gabe slumps slightly. “Not favourable?

He stares at me. “So you’re telling me that you obey all my orders, because honestly that would be news to me?”“I always obey your orders,” I say indignantly. “I am quite possibly the best assistant in history.”“That would certainly be true, if you were the only assistant in history.

He leans back in his seat. His legs are spread and his head tipped back, with his eyes challenging me. “Okay what’s next, boss?”I shudder theatrically. “I see why you like it. Just the word makes me feel all powerful.

Alys," he exclaims happily. "I think this might work out. You're going to be excellent in getting rid of unwanted visitors.""I'm not a fucking Rottweiler," I say indignantly.

I’ve spoken to Sid,” she admits. “He says he’s never seen Charlie so bad. He won’t eat, he’s lost weight and he looks terrible. Sid says it’s the first time he’s ever been so bored by him that he’s considered smothering him.