The best fiction is true.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.

I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.

Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.