I feel an emptiness open in my chest, coupled with a strange downward pull in my throat. I think, this is my heart sinking.

I never wanted to be safe... I wanted to be good.

But for a moment I stay there, suspended above the green swell of the land as though thrown up onto the crest of a wave, seeing for the first time a break in the at horizon. For this the boats crossed the ocean, the wagons climbed the mountain pass. For this the songs were sung with desert all around. This is what is given: the promise there is still a way, if we can find it, the promise we can always be renewed.

There is no suspension, no whispered prayer for silk to stop my fall. There is only the falling, and it goes on and on, in fierce silence and sharp bursts of breath.

We are at war, and in time of war there is only one rule. Form your battalion and fight.

I never wanted to be safe, I wanted to be good.

I never wanted to safe... I wanted to be good.

From the front row of the balcony, I look out over the Uptown Cinema. The red velvet seats are emptying, the credits scrolling up the screen. Ginger Rogers married a Nazi, but Cary Grant got her out of it. Their ship is sailing to America; sun burns away the fog and the wind blows free. Now they are gone and I am coming back to reality, breathing a harsher air. It is how I always feel when a movie ends.

In time of war, it is not enough to say, ‘I am a citizen and I have rights.’ One must also say, ‘I am a citizen and I have obligations.