You know, sex at seventy-six is getting very dangerous for my health ... since I live at seventy-nine!

Good writers can't die. Their words live on forever.

I'm a man of few words, most of them end in off!

The Brandy Diet is one of my personal favourites – you don’t lose any weight, but if you drink enough of the stuff then you neither care what you look like nor what people think of you. Also, if you’re very lucky, you can lose days.