When my heart is better, less shrunken, I will throw her out there to love again, without hesitation, even knowing what we know.

Holy crap, my heart was arrogant to believe her spotless track record could stay that way.

My heart had a crush on him from the moment we met, but it was faint, and the rest of me stubbornly refused to play along.

In the apocalyptic environment that is Los Angeles on fire, we should all be making a point to have a lot of sex, but no one seems particularly motivated. They need leaders, and sadly I am not up for the task.

Many of the women in Los Angeles are part of the notorious gang culture, and they will forever have my gratitude for, you know, letting me live.

Malibu: With sounds of waves crashing, and the ocean at the doorstep, you feel like you are hours away from civilization. And with L.A. traffic, YOU ARE.

Having two women—one who can’t know about the other, and one who must be trusted not to destroy his life—is clearly difficult for him.

The word bollocks seems strong, punk rock, and imposing, but in reality, bollocks is always too tame to make much of an impact.

During my completely soul-shredding midlife crisis at the age of twenty-eight, I felt sure I had peaked too soon.

As I prefer to see it, there has never been an epic love story that involved significant amounts of self-control.

Since Ireland’s independence declaration was a century older, I could not be sure if his self-evident truths meant as much as they would in America.

Love: the impossible combination of being IN the deep end and being OFF the deep end.

Facebook is that successful guy you’re supposed to want to date, but you can’t keep your mind off the beautiful freak in the corner. Twitter is my freak.

I am not being overly harsh. Overtly hostile, yes, but exactly the right amount of harsh.

I have always been quite good at falling in love, but I don’t pretend to know anything about literal happily ever afters.

My voice falls into Southern drawl when I am tired, drunk, or in trouble. Too often, my accent is attacked by all three of these realities.