Now I lay facedown on the bed, sobbing for the womanwho once slept here not knowing that someday one of herworst fears would come true

It was like how people find other people to be in love with, all random and accidental and lucky.

Holding the knife with the blade against my palm, it became so clear how my life would only contain shadows now. Shadows of things gone; not just the people themselves but everything connected to them. Was this my future? Every moment, every tiny thing I saw and did and touched, weighted by loss. Every space in this house andmy town and the world in general, empty in a way that could never be filled.

Then I closed my eyes.That was it. That was Before. Now here we go into After.