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  3. Jeaniene Frost
Voltar

I'm saying that I'm a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline homicidal bitch, and I want you to promise me that you're okay with that, because it's who I am, and you're what I need.

em Halfway to the Grave
love humor

If I die, I will wait for you, do you understand? No matter how long. I will watch from beyond to make sure you live every year you have to its fullest, and then we’ll have so much to talk about when I see you again… (Bones)

love death romance waiting eternity

She's my kitten, and no one else's.

em One Foot in the Grave
love vampire

Would you mind repeating that? I'm afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I've longed to hear.

em Halfway to the Grave
love humor

Aside from the obvious, Francesca, what do you want in return for supplying information?” Bones asked, getting back to the subject. “You to take me,” she replied at once. “Not gonna happen!” I spat, squeezing him possessively. Three sets of widened eyes fixed on me. That’s when I realized that what I had a firm grip on was no longer his hand.

em Halfway to the Grave
love funny vampire

Why did he have to be so gorgeous? Why did he have to stand so close, and why did I still love him so much?

em One Foot in the Grave
love humor vampire

Kitten, your hands are heaven and your eyes are my home.

em This Side of the Grave
love

And there is my payment the rubies in your cheeks. Are you properly scandalized by your wicked behavior? If you were Catholic, you'd singe the ears of the priest you confessed to. Do you remember making me swear to repeat all those naughty actions agian, no matter what you said this morning?" Now that he brought it up, I did recall saying that. Great Betrayed by my own immorality. "God, Bones...some of that was depraved." "I'll take that as a compliment." He closed the distance between us."I love you. Don't be ashamed of anything we did, even if your prudery is on life support.

em One Foot in the Grave
love trust bones cat

We are not helpless...Many times in our lives we’ve been powerless, but not this night. Right now we have the power to choose the manner in which we die. If you have been a master of nothing else in all your days, you are now a master of this moment. And I for one am going to give such an answer to this insult that others will dearly regret not being by my side to see it!

em At Grave's End
inspirational

Ask me if I sparkle and I’ll kill you where you stand.” (Bones)

em This Side of the Grave
humor

You know that old saying. Once you go dead, no one's better in bed.

em One Foot in the Grave
humor sex vampire

Then you remember the dream,” Mencheres stated. “That bodes ill.” The fear of that made my reply snappy. “Hey, Walks Like An Egyptian, how about for once you drop the formal stuff and talk like you live in the twenty-first century?” The shit’s gonna splatter, start buggin’, yo,” Mencheres responded instantly. I stared at him, then burst out laughing, which was highly inappropriate considering the very grave warning he’d just conveyed.

em Destined for an Early Grave
humor

He f**ks even better than he looks”, I settled on saying. Several heads turned. I didn’t care; I was pissed. “And that beautiful face is going to be clamped between my legs as soon as we get home, don’t you worry.

em Destined for an Early Grave
humor sex bones cat

You're not a woman," he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair!

em Halfway to the Grave
humor bones cat red-hair redheads

I have been stabbed, shot, burned, bitten, beaten unconscious too many times to count, and even staked. None of those held a candle to the pain I felt at seeing his mouth on hers.

em One Foot in the Grave
humor vampire

We're going to knock those demons out and slay them with the power of Jesus. Hallelujah, can I get an amen?- Timmie

em Halfway to the Grave
humor

Before we go, I gotta know: If mind-reading abilities are real, there's something else I wondered if fiction got right about vampires-""Ask me if I sparkle and I'll kill you where you stand," Bones cut him off with utmost seriousness.

em This Side of the Grave
humor bones sparkles

Playing with fire Kitten?

em Halfway to the Grave
humor vampire

See?” I’d whispered to Bones, nudging him with a grin. “He never argues with her. Isn’t that sweet?”A snort preceded his response. “Keep dreaming, pet.

em This Side of the Grave
humor

Bones has always been smart," I muttered. "His intelligence was just camouflaged under a mountain of p**sy."Cat

em Destined for an Early Grave
humor bones cat

You! You tricked me! I never want to see you or that bottle of liquid arsenic again!”I chucked the empty moonshine jug at him. Or tried to. It missed him by a dozen feet.He picked it up in astonishment. “You drank the whole bloody thing? You were only supposed to have a few sips!”“Did you say that? Did you?” He reached me just as I felt the ground tip. “Didn’t say anything. I’ve got those names, so that’s all that matters, but you men…you’re all alike. Alive, dead, undead—all perverts! I had a drunken pervert in my pants! Do you know how unsanitary that is?”Bones held me upright. I would have protested, but I couldn’t remember how to. “What are you saying?”“Winston poltergeisted my panties, that’s what!” I announced with a loud hiccup.“Why, you scurvy, lecherous spook!” Bones yelled in the direction of the cemetery. “If my pipes still worked, I’d go right back there and piss on your grave!

em Halfway to the Grave
humor bones-and-cat hilarious

Usually my form of turning someone down was shoving a stake through his heart while smirking, Gotcha!

em Halfway to the Grave
romance humor paranormal

Kitten, this is my best mate, Charles, but you can call him Spade. Charles, this is Cat, the woman I’ve been telling you about. You can see for yourself that everything I’ve said is…an understatement.

em Halfway to the Grave
humor introduction

...cursing my heels and debating whether it was faster to stop and take them off--damn ankle straps!--or keep running with the potential neck breakers. Wouldn’t that make a charming epitaph? Here lies Cat. Killed not by fang, but Ferragamos.

em One Foot in the Grave
humor vampire cat

Charlie whistled "Amazing Grace" as he drove. It was all I could do not to whip my head around and snap, Are you kidding me? Couldn't he pick something more appropriate, like "Shout at the Devil" or "Don't fear the Reaper"? Some people had no sense of the proper music for a kidnapping.

em Halfway to the Grave
humor cat

Don't care for her tongue, do you? How strange. I find it one of my favorite parts.Bones to Gregor

em Destined for an Early Grave
humor bones cat

No one believes you’re serious until bodies start to fall. -Vlad

em This Side of the Grave
humor bones vlad cat night-huntress

The sh*t's gonna splatter, start buggin, yo..."Mencheres to Cat

em Destined for an Early Grave
humor bones cat

First bubble baths. Now Disney parks. You're shattering every creep vampire myth I've ever heard.

em Eternal Kiss of Darkness
humor vampires myth kira mencheres

I resisted the urge to hurl my plate at him. “Of course not, Ian. It’s just that normally at this hour, Bones and I are fucking like rabbits, so I get twitchy when I have to wait for him to climb aboard.

em At Grave's End
humor cat ian

Slumber party with Dracula, all things considerd why not?

em Destined for an Early Grave
humor dracula

She seemed to be a nice person, too, instead of a homicidal bitch like his former wife. Otherwise, the world should fear. When Mencheres fell for a woman, he fell hard. If Kira asked for her own continent as a birthday present, Mencheres would probably have one conquered for her before she blew out her candles.

em This Side of the Grave
humor

…well just call me Hannibal Lecter. With cleavage.

em This Side of the Grave
humor

You can run from the grave, but you can't hide.

em One Foot in the Grave
humor vampire

I don't mind foreigners. God save the queen!" he squeaked and ran.

em Halfway to the Grave
humor frost jeaniene timmie

Winston Gallagher!" I said, recognizing the first ghost I'de met. Then my eyes narrowed & I covered my hand in front of my crotch as I saw Winstons gaze fasten there next. "Don't even think about poltergeisting my panties again". "This is the sod? Come here you scurvy little--" "Bones don't!" I interrupted. He stopped, giving a last glare to him while mouthing YOU. ME. EXORCIST. before returning to my side.

em This Side of the Grave
humor bones cat

You can hear my dreams? God, you must never get any quiet. I'd be shooting myself in the head if I were you.

humor vampire

No, I do my torturing in the dungeon like any other respectable castle owner,

em Once Burned
humor vlad-tepesh

The lustful glances thrown his way made me wish he wasn’t such a damned bowl of eye candy."- Cat re: Bones

em Destined for an Early Grave
humor bones cat

Kitty need's a tounge bath

em Halfway to the Grave
romance humor action vampire

Your mum pounced on her and started sucking away. Would’ve been arousing if not for all the screaming.”“Ian,” Bones drew out warningly.He grinned. “You’re right. I was aroused anyway.

em One Grave at a Time
humor bones ian

Don't kiss me like a woman if you're going to treat me like a child.

em Halfway to the Grave
romance kissing

It was the sort of bone deep emotion that made him want to hold her tighter with one hand, and draw a sword against the world with the other.

em First Drop of Crimson
romance paranormal

I think this’ll definitely tide me over while we’re apart,”Bones laughed, dragging me into his arms with far more strength and quickness than was fair, considering I still had trouble making my limbs operate.“Oh, Kitten,” he murmured as his lips dragged down my throat. “You didn’t really think we were done, did you?

em This Side of the Grave
love romance bones cat

By the time Bones announced it was Tammy's turn, I'd fallen in love with him all over again. Flowers and jewelry worked for most girls as a romantic gesture, but here I was, misty-eyed at watching him show my mother how to stab the shit out of him.

em Death's Excellent Vacation
romance paranormal-romance vampires cat-bones night-huntress-series

Bones,” I sighed. “Know something? I’m not afraid of you, but you scareme….” His outline blurred again.“You scare me, too, Kitten,” he might have replied, but I couldn’t be sure.

em Halfway to the Grave
relationships

Time has no dominion over love. Love is the one thing that transcends time. (Bones)

em One Foot in the Grave
love time

Is that a stake, Bones, or are you just happy with my new dress?”“In this case, it’s a stake. You could always feel around for something more, though. See what comes up.

em Halfway to the Grave
funny bones cat grave halfway

Juan gave Bones the most admiring look he’d bestowed on him yet. “You talked her into going without panties all these years? Madre de Dios, now that’s impressive. I could learn a great deal from you, amigo.

em One Foot in the Grave
funny

The clock struck eleven and cat the vampire huntress was on the loose, except my battle armor was a push-up bra, curled hair, and a short dress. Yeah, it was a dirty job, but I was going to do it. Come one, come all, bloodsuckers! Bar’s open!

em Halfway to the Grave
funny

Whatever would give you the idea that I'm her damn brother?

em Halfway to the Grave
funny bones cat timmy

Why did you tell her I'm your boyfriend? Why doesn't she know about your real one? - TimmyHe's English! And Mom...Mom hates foreigners! - Cat

em Halfway to the Grave
funny bones cat timmy

I know I'm delicious. Nummy.....nummy.-Vlad

em This Side of the Grave
funny vlad

...you don't care because you're all that and I'm just an artery in a dress.

em Halfway to the Grave
funny bones cat

Cat, hmmm? From where I sit you look more like a Kitten."My head jerked around and I shot him an annoyed look. Oh, I was going to enjoy this, all right. "It's Cat," I repeated firmly. "Cat Raven.""Whatever you say, Kitten Tweedy.

em Halfway to the Grave
humor funny bones night-huntress cat-crawfield catherine-crawfield halfway-to-the-grave jeaniene-frost kitten-tweedy

A human hires a hit man to kill his cousin for money, boring. That same hit man botches the job twice, funny. Then the desperate hit man sends a ghoul after the girl to finish things up, my curiosity's piqued. That same ghoul ends up with his head cut off by a mysterious redhead . . . Ah. Now I'm interested.

em Death's Excellent Vacation
funny vampires vampire-joke

Bones just stared. "You're not a woman," he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair!

em Halfway to the Grave
funny bones cat

I heard the car door shut and then Fabian's voice. "You won't believe what I found around the edge of your property," the ghost announced. "A cave with prehistoric painting inside it!" I rolled my eyes. That was the best tactic Fabian could come up with? This was a vampire he was trying to stall, not a paleontologist.

em The Bite Before Christmas
funny bones fabian stalling

There is only one way to fight, and that's dirty. Clean gentlemanly fighting will get you nowhere but dead, and fast. Take every cheap shot, every low blow, absolutely kick people when they're down, and maybe you'll be the one who walks away.

em Halfway to the Grave
people fight dead fast dirty kick

Cat, you asked me before to find out if those dream -suppression pills had any side effects. I’ve checked with Pathology, and they said you might experience depression, mood swings, irritability, paranoia, and chronic fatigue. Have you noticed any of that?

em Destined for an Early Grave
humour urban-fantasy don

This is why I stayed away," he growled against my mouth as his hands started to rove over me with knowing, ruthless passion. "Can't be near you without wanting you. Can't stop myself anymore--

em The Beautiful Ashes
passion romance ivy jeaniene-frost adrian

A vibrator can last all night, too, vampire! - Denise

em First Drop of Crimson
sex classic hilarious night-huntress denise

I think we need to have a little talk, woman to skank.

paranormal-romance

Why don't I just give you a pair of my panties to hang around your neck? Then whenever you feel jealous, you can wave them at whoever's pissing you off.

paranormal-romance

I am going to knock the slut out of you. And that should take some doing, you uppity English tramp!

paranormal-romance

If you were Catholic, you'd singe the ears of the priest you confessed to.

paranormal-romance

I’ve wanted you from the moment we met, and if you think sitting next to me in your bra doesn’t overwhelm me with desire, you’re very wrong. I just don’t force myself where I’m not invited. (Bones)

em Halfway to the Grave
desire want

You’d better not be messing with me. I like you, but if you’re feeding me a load of shit just to get some action, I’m going to plug a big silver stake right through your heart.(Cat)

em Halfway to the Grave
desire promise like

You’re not going to let her do this, are you?” Bones snorted. “Let her? Mate, if you think you can control a woman, you must be single—-and a thousand pounds says she beats your arse.

em This Side of the Grave
humorous bones cat

My dear Reaper," Vlad said, still laughing. 'Did you just check out our-''No!' I interrupted at once, almost lunging toward the staircase. 'I'm tired and still dazed from the Remanats and ... fuck it, I'm taking a shower. I mean, not a cold shower, because I don't need that.' -oh Jesus I was only making this worse- 'because I am cold already, and I need to get hot. I mean, warmer. Oh just shut up!' " -Pg 280

em This Side of the Grave
humorous

Much slower, I turned around to see Vlad examining his fingernails, as if his hands weren't still ablaze in the flames that had blasted the ghoul's head off moments before.'what the hell was that?' I gasped.'Premature inflammation,' He replied. 'Happens sometimes. Very embarrassing, I don't like to talk about it.'

em This Side of the Grave
humorous

Bones didn’t share any of my qualms about suddenly holding an arm that wasn’t attached to a body anymore. He just grabbed the ghoul by his other arm and began thumping him over the head with the loose limb. I’d heard Bones threaten to beat someone with their own limb before, but I’d always assumed that was a figure of speech. Apparently not.

em This Side of the Grave
humorous bones cat

I doubt you’ve ever been forced to nonstop bang a woman hyped up on the undead voodoo version of Spanish fly, have you?”His chuckle was soft. “Can’t say that I have, Kitten.”“Yeah, well, consider me an original.”This time, when his lips brushed across my skin, it lasted more than a moment.“I always have.

em This Side of the Grave
love humorous bones cat

It’s alright, Kitten,” Bones said. “He won’t shoot.” Tate lowered his gun, even as the sudden dizziness from blood-loss made me sway. Bones took my gun and casually handed it to Juan, who gapped at him in amazement. “You called her Kitten? And she let you? She put me in a coma for three days when I called her that. My balls never recovered from her smashing them into my spine.” “And well she should have,” Bones agreed. “She’s mine. Kitten, and no one else’s.

em Halfway to the Grave
humorous

He also deeply distrusts vampires, as you had guessed yourself,” Bones added. “Aside from that, all I heard was enough repetitions of ‘how many chucks could a woodchuck chuck’ to make me want to stake myself.

em One Grave at a Time
humorous bones funny-as-hell one-grave-at-a-time

Let me get this straight. you want me to go stomping through a graveyard brandishing a bottle of booze to rouse an unrestful spirit so that I can interrogate him?" - Cat to Bones

em Halfway to the Grave
humor paranormal

The image I'd had of myself as a child was someone I'd never be, and it was only recently that I realized it was okay to be who I was. - Cat

em This Side of the Grave
acceptance

All right, you got that out of your system. Can I get back in the boat without you striking me again? Or should I stay out here enjoying the marine life?""Why don't you swim around until you find a shark? Then you can discuss how much the two of you have in common

em First Drop of Crimson
vampires ian spade

Charles, mate, you fret too much. I'm a grown man, I am, and I can blood my handle.""Handle your blood?" Bones offered dryly.Ian grinned. "Exactly.

vampires bones ian spade

Don't you even think of holding back, or I'll...I'll tell Spade you let me get away from you," she improvised."And that I got mugged," she added for good measure.Cries of "Mon Dieu!" and "That's not fair!" echoed immediately from the two vampires."I'm a crazy human female, you know I'll do it," Denise warned them

em First Drop of Crimson
vampires denise crazy-human

That’s right, Justina!' he said more thanonce. 'We’re going to knock those demons out and slay them with the power of Jesus. Hallelujah, can I get an amen?

em Halfway to the Grave
vampires night-huntress-series timmy

For some, vampires are still firmly in the 'evil, scary' column. However, in recent decades, vampires also run the gamut from evil to morally ambiguous all the way to fangless and vegetarian. I think part of their appeal lies in their versatility. Vampires can be the villain, the hero, and everything in between, all depending on the writer's whim. You'll also never hear me say that anyone is doing vampires 'wrong' because unless a real vampire stands up and sets the record straight, it's anyone's game as a far as defining them in fiction.

writing vampires

Just because you don't know how to do something doesn't mean it can't be done.

em At Grave's End
vampires mencheres

Vampires don't tan. Without UV protection, we get sunburned, heal, and just repeat the process over and over.” — Spade, First Drop of Crimson by Jeaniene Frost

vampires first-drop-of-crimson

Adrian", I whispered, my tears starting to flow faster.His head snapped up--and then he moved with his incredible speed, gripping me in those powerful arms. Tilting my head back and covering my mouth in a bruising kiss that made joy rip through me with all the intensity of the pain I'd felt before. When he finally broke away several minutes later, I could hardly breathe, but I still managed to speak."I love you," I choked out. "I love you, I love you, I love you--"His kiss cut me off again, and this time, I wasn't crying when I kissed him back. I was smiling.

em The Beautiful Ashes
love romance kiss ivy jeaniene-frost adrian

As if Spade's chivalry would allow him to do anything to a woman. The harshest punishment she could imagine him dishing out to Cat would be refusing to open a door for her.

em First Drop of Crimson
vampire denise spade

Do I feel ancient to you now?" he murmered. "Too different from the person you loved before you knew this?" Her eyes were already glowing green, and her full lips parted. "No, you don't feel too ancient." Her voice was husky. "Or too different. You feel like mine. Whoever you were, whoever you are...you're mine." Mencheres smiled, his fangs stretching to their full length. "So you have spoken, so it shall be decreed. For all eternity.

em Eternal Kiss of Darkness
vampire

Before you go,mate,turn on the telly. Something raunchy too. Think I'll rub off one before I go to sleep

em First Drop of Crimson
humor vampire ian red-dragon

Kitten, you still haven’t told her? Blimey, whatare you waiting for?”“The Second Coming of Christ!” I snapped.

em Halfway to the Grave
christ

Christ girl, Ι wasn't even going to bite you. Well, not the way you're thinking." "I'm flattered you want to fuck me as well as muder me. Really, Liam, that's sweet." He grinned. "Valentine's Day was just last month, after all.

em One Foot in the Grave
fight cat ian

Nathanial can show me how to better control the change, but even so, you never have to worry about me turning into a cat again. Didn't you know, I'm allergic to cats.

em First Drop of Crimson
cats

You call that begging? Oh, Kitten, you can do better than that...

em Home for the Holidays
sexy bones-and-cat begging

If you run from me, I will chase you, and I'll find you....

em Halfway to the Grave
sweet

Kitten, four hours of sleep while holding you is far more beneficial to me than eight hours of endless tossing and turning because you're not there. -Bones from This Side of the Grave

em This Side of the Grave
sweet

...But the one thing that I would never, ever recover from would be losing you. You made me promise before to go on if that happened, but Bones, I wouldn't want to. - Cat from This Side of the Grave

em This Side of the Grave
sweet mushy

I’ve never been jealous before I met you, it burns, luv. Like silver through my veins. Some nights, watching you with other men on your jobs, I think it will drive me mad. (Bones)

em At Grave's End
love jealousy crazy

You once told me you could stand many things.” My voice was raspy from all the emotions battering against those well-honed inner defenses.“So can I. I can stand whatever Apollyon dishes out, can take the bigotry from others over what I am, the freaky ghost juju from Marie, all thecraziness my mother can throw at me, and even the pain of my uncle dying. But the one thing that I would never, ever recover from would be losingyou. You made me promise before to go on if that happened, but Bones”—here my words broke and tears spilled down my cheeks—“I wouldn’twant to.”He’d been near the side of the bed when I started talking, but was in my arms before the first tear fell. Very softly, his lips brushed over those wetstreaks, coming back pink from the drops still shimmering on them.“No matter what happens, you will never lose me,” he whispered. “I am forever yours, Kitten, in this life or the next.

em This Side of the Grave
love eternity bones cat

Just because death would eventually separate us, that didn't mean it would destroy what we had. I am forever yours, in this life or the next. Some things could penetrate even the formidable barrier of death, and love was one of them.

em This Side of the Grave
life love inspirational death forever barrier

I am offering you a real commitment— a place in my life forever. Even if our relationship ended, our tie to each other never would. Let me make you a vampire, Leila, and watch decades slide by like days while you’re by my side.

em Twice Tempted
love commitment

How can you stand touching her?” my sister blurted, staring at our clasped hands. “Doesn’t that hurt?”I seized on the change of topic. “These gloves are specialized rubber. They block the current.”Gretchen’s gaze traveled over Vlad, disbelief still stamped on her features. “Yeah, but how do you two do anything else, unless he has a special, currentrepellingglove for his—”“Gretchen!” my father cut her off.My cheeks felt hot. Don’t say a word, I thought to Vlad, seeing his chest tremble with suppressed laughter.“He has a natural immunity,” I gritted out.

em Once Burned
humor funny-quotes

Flowers and jewelry worked for most girls as a romantic gesture, but here I was, misty-eyed at watching him show my mother how to stab the shit out of him.

em Magic Graves
fighting training romantic-gestures

You're a beautiful young woman walking without an escort at one in the morning. Why doesn't one of your staff at least see you to your car?""Because they're not sexist pigs who think women are incapable of taking care of themselves."Chance rolled his eyes. "This has nothing to do with feminism. I'm all for gender equality, but the fact remains that women are targeted for more specific crimes than men, and the perpetrators of those crimes often look for circumstances such as these to attack.""See this?" Isa pulled something dark and oblong out of her purse. Chance's mouth twitched."Turbo Vag

em Happily Never After
chance isabelle isa turbo-vagisil

You do that, and I take back every nasty thing I've ever said about you."He grinned, his mood changing from serious to wicked in an instant. "Why? I'm all those things and more."I shook my head. Ian was more proud of his depravity than anyone I'd met, but if he helped me pull Bones out from under four bespelled vampires and one demonically-enchanced vamp, I'd shower him with prostitutes and porn while swearing he was an angel.

em The Bite Before Christmas
angel cat ian

I don't lack for bed partners, so I don't need to scrounge for unwilling scraps.-Spade

em First Drop of Crimson
classic hilarious night-huntress spade

Ah, mistress, you’re an angel. Sure there’s not a drop left? I might have remembered one more person….”“Up yours,” I said rudely with another belch. “It’s empty. You should tell me the name anyway, after making me drink all that sewage.”Winston gave me a devious smile. “Come back with a full bottle and I will.”“Selfish spook,” I mumbled, and staggered away.I’d made it a few feet when I felt that distinct pins-and-needles sensation again, only this time it wasn’t in my throat.“Hey!”I looked down in time to see Winston’s grinning, transparent form fly out of my pants. He was chuckling even as I smacked at myself and hopped up and down furiously.“Drunken filthy pig!” I spat. “Bastard!”“And a good eve’in’ to you, too, mistress!” he called out, his edges starting to blur and fade. “Come back soon!”“I hope worms shit on your corpse!” was my reply. A ghost had just gotten to third base with me. Could I sink any lower?

em Halfway to the Grave
humor cat hilarious ghost

There is no way I’m going out in public like this!”It seemed while I was being tormented at the salon, Bones had been out shopping. I didn’t ask where he got the money from, images of old folks with their necks bleeding and their wallets missing dancing in my head. There were boots, earrings, push-up bras, skirts, and something he swore to me were dresses but only looked like pieces of dresses.

em Halfway to the Grave
humor bones-and-cat hilarious

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