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  3. Jasper Fforde
Voltar

Two minds with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one.

em First Among Sequels
love comradeship

If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction-and ultimately, without a major resolution.

em Something Rotten
life world

Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought and goes straight to the limbic system and lights it up like a brushfire. It's the crack cocaine of the literary world.

em First Among Sequels
poetry humor

Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.

em First Among Sequels
death humor

Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.

em Lost in a Good Book
humor insults put-downs

I would so hate to be a first-person character! Always on your guard, always having people read your thoughts!

em Lost in a Good Book
humor first-person pov

Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature.

humor peter-rabbit

If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong.

em The Big Over Easy
hate passion humor art science murder intolerance greed buildings louis-armstrong mozard muppets van-gough

Death doesn't care about personalities - he's more interested in meeting quotas.

em Something Rotten
death humor

For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert.

em One of Our Thursdays Is Missing
philosophy

the Real-World was a sprawling mess of a book in need of a good editor.

em One of Our Thursdays Is Missing
life philosophy humor books reading

I shouldn't believe anything I say, if I were you-and that includes what I just told you.

em The Eyre Affair
truth humor

I didn't set out to discover a truth. I was actually sent to the Outer Fringes to conduct a chair census and learn some humility. But the truth inevitably found me, as important truths often do, like a lost thought in need of a mind.

em Shades of Grey
truth wisdom intelligence

Bowden Cable is the sort of honest and dependable operative that is the backbone of SpecOps. They never win commendations or medalsand the public has no knowledge of them at all. They are all worth ten of people like me.

em The Eyre Affair
truth wisdom

Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.

em Shades of Grey
wisdom time humour problem tea bacon hot-baths reconnaissance

Death, I had discovered long ago, was available in varying flavors, and none of them particularly palatable.

em First Among Sequels
death humor

Religion isn't the cause of wars, it's the excuse.

em The Eyre Affair
war religion

I've managed to bring the backlog down to a mere sixty-eight years," she announced with some small sense of achievement. "I hope to be able to start marking the papers of pupils who are still alive by the end of the decade.

em Shades of Grey
education teachers teaching grades grading

How about this,' I said. 'We modify our plans with regard to ongoing facts as they become known to us, then remodify them as the situation unfolds. 'You mean make it all up as we go along?' asked Perkins.'Right.

em The Eye of Zoltar
decisions funny plans make-stuff-up making-it-up

Take no heed of her.... She reads a lot of books.

em The Eyre Affair
books reading

Books may look like nothing more than words on a page, but they are actually an infinitely complex imaginotransference technology that translates odd, inky squiggles into pictures inside your head.

em The Well of Lost Plots
books

Governments and fashions come and go but Jane Eyre is for all time.

em The Eyre Affair
books jane-eyre

Vanity's contribution to Fiction in general was an abundance of cheap labour and the occasional blockbuster, which was accepted into Fiction with an apologetic 'gosh, don't know how that happened'.

em One of Our Thursdays Is Missing
books humour vanity-publishing

Pretend to be mad and talk a lot. Then — and this is the important bit — do nothing at all until you absolutely have to and then make sure everyone dies.

em Something Rotten
humour hamlet

When she turned I could see her face was plain and outwardly unremarkable, yet possessing of a bearing that showed inner strength and resolve. I stared at her intently with a mixture of feelings. I had realised not long ago that I was no beauty, and even at the age of nine had seen how the more attractive children gained favour more easily. But here in that young woman I could see how those principles could be inverted. I felt myself stand more upright and clench my jaw in subconscious mimicry of her pose

strength beauty heroine determination feminist

After all, reading is arguably a far more creative and imaginative process than writing; when the reader creates emotion in their head, or the colors of the sky during the setting sun, or the smell of a warm summer's breeze on their face, they should reserve as much praise for themselves as they do for the writer - perhaps more.

em The Well of Lost Plots
reading

Without unscrambled eggs, there was no time travel, no more depredation of the Now, and we could look to a brighter future of long-term thought--and more reading.

em First Among Sequels
reading time-travel eggs thursday-next

History has rewritten itself so many times I'm not really sure how it was to begin with -- it's a bit like trying to guess the original color of a wall when it's been repainted eight times.

em Something Rotten
humor history

Now and again. Good residency is about having the power to ask someone to do something, but not necessarily exercising it.

em Shades of Grey
choices power

Literature is claimed to be a mirror of the world,” I said, “but the Outlanders are fooling themselves. The BookWorld is as orderly as people in the RealWorld *hope* their own world to be—it isn’t a mirror, it’s an aspiration.

em One of Our Thursdays Is Missing
reality fiction

So you're going to have to ask yourselves on simple question: Which one of us is speaking now?

em Lost in a Good Book
reality fiction confusion dialogue

I'm sure it's not all hot buttered crumpets out there in the breathing world of asphalt and heartbeats.

em One of Our Thursdays Is Missing
reality

The very possibility of death focuses the mind wonderfully.

em Shades of Grey
reality death perspective demise

Fiction wouldn't be much fun without its fair share of scoundrels, and they have to live somewhere.

em The Well of Lost Plots
humor fiction on-fiction

Humans like stories. Humans need stories. Stories are good. Stories work. Story clarifies and captures the essence of the human spirit. Story, in all its forms—of life, of love, of knowledge—has traced the upward surge of mankind. And story, you mark my words, will be with the last human to draw breath.

em First Among Sequels
books human-nature fiction stories

Chromatacia…society…ruled by a colortocracy…social hierarchy based upon one's limited color perception, society is dominated by color. In this world, you are what you can see.

em Shades of Grey
society perceptions colour colortocracy

Those that can be troubled to muse upon the meaning of life are general disappointed when they figure it out.

em Shades of Grey
life living existence meaning-of-life purpose meaning history

That's the thing about destiny: It can't be predicted, and it's usually pretty odd.

em The Last Dragonslayer
destiny

And we kissed again. It was a warm, indescribably lovely feeling. But it was more than just physical. It was a dialogue between two young people with high ideals and a Big Plan. It was about belonging, secrets, partnership, commitment.

em Shades of Grey
love hope kissing kiss promise secrets commitment belonging future partnership lovely ideals

Soothsayers are like that. They see many futures but never their own.

em The Last Dragonslayer
future prophet psychic soothsayers seeing-the-future pre-cog

There are two schools of thought about the resilience of time. The first is that time is highly volatile, with every small event altering the possible outcome of the earth's future. The other view is that time is rigid, and no matter how hard you try, it will always spring back toward a determined present. Myself, I do not worry about such trivialities. I simply sell ties to anyone who wants to buy one...

em The Eyre Affair
time future present ties volatile rigid trivialities

Before, I suspected I might not amount to anything, and now I now I won't, so at least it takes away the wearisome burden of delusive hope

em The Woman Who Died a Lot
future providence

The sky was like ebony and the only illumination was the harsh white light of the central streetlamp, which cast shadows so hard it seemed you might cut yourself on them.

em Shades of Grey
poetry simile words pictures description portrait

…although her mouth uttered fond words, her eyes spoke only venom.

em Shades of Grey
poetry words picture description portrait

She had large, questioning eyes that seemed to draw me in and a sense of quiet outrage that simmered just beneath the surface. More than anything, within her features, there was a streak of wild quirkiness that made her dazzlingly attractive.

em Shades of Grey
beautiful words descriptive portrait features

For myself, I favored the abstract. I collected not just obsolete terms and words, but ideas.

em Shades of Grey
words ideas abstract collect phrases obsolete terms collections

Another one of your quippy japes?

em Shades of Grey
poetry humour words collection

Rouge of my heart, intertwined with double-hued destiny,Thread of my thoughts, constant and rubicund legacy,Filament of my future, endeared unto my expectation,Cord of my emotion, seared with eternal elation.

em Shades of Grey
love poetry beautiful words

7. 3. 12. 31. 208: Reckless disrespect of the lightless hours will not be tolerated.

em Shades of Grey
light absence disrespect dark

People don’t change just because you know more about them.

em The Fourth Bear
life friendship people relationship

Though his death would not fill me with any sense of sadness, I would probably feel the loss. Even enemies are part of one.

em The Woman Who Died a Lot
death sadness loss enemies enemy

Yes, and imagine a world where there were no hypothetical situations.

em First Among Sequels
imagination time-travel hypothetical-situation

Love and magic are like oil and water--they just don't mix.

em The Last Dragonslayer
love magic

Magic is the fifth fundamental force and is even more mysterious than gravity, which is really saying something.

magic gravity

But that was what research and development were like. Full of semi-triumphs and perplexing unforeseen consequences like the whole violent hiccuping thing when conjuring up fire - or the propensity for fillings to fall out of bystanders' teeth when attempting to tease a rainstorm out of a cloud.

em The Song of the Quarkbeast
humor magic research experimentation magic-experiments

I liked him, but since his particular field of interest was Remote Suggestion--the skill of projecting thoughts into people's heads from a distance--I didn't know whether I actually liked him or he was just suggesting I like him, which was both creepy and unethical. In fact, the whole Remote Suggestion or "seeding" idea had been banned once it was discovered to be the key ingredient in promoting talent less boy bands, which had until then been something of a mystery.

em The Song of the Quarkbeast
humor magic boy-bands

magic swirls about us like an invisible fog of energy that can be tapped by those gifted enough, using a variety of techniques that center on layered spelling, mumbled incantations, and a burst of concentrated thought channeled through the index fingers. The technical name for this energy is "variable electro-gravitational mutable subatomic force," which doesn't mean anything at all--confused scientists just gave it an important-sounding name so as not to lose face. The usual term is "wizidrical energy," or simply "the crackle.

em The Song of the Quarkbeast
ya magic fantasy jasper-fforde

Books" - Snell smiled - "are a kind of magic.

em The Well of Lost Plots
books reading magic

The best plans are always the simplest.

em Shades of Grey
thoughts simplicity plans

PDR: Persons of Dubious Reality; refugees from the collective consciousness. Uninvited visitors who have fallen through the grating that divides the real, from the written. They arrive with their actions hardwired due to their repetitious existence and the older and more basic they are, the more rigidly they stick to them. Characters from cautionary tales are particularly mindless; they do what they do because it's what they've always done.And it's our job to stop them.

em The Fourth Bear
humor mythology fantasy mystery dubious

The only way to write is to write. Writers write. And when they’ve written, they write some more.

writing writers authors

True and baseless evil is as rare as the purest good--and we all know how rare that is...

em The Eyre Affair
evil good

The best reason for committing loathsome and detestable acts--and let's face it, I am considered something of an expert in this field--is purely for their own sake. Monetary gain is all very well, but it dilutes the taste of wickedness to a lower level that is obtainable by anyone with an overdeveloped sense of avarice. True and baseless evil is as rare as the purest good--and we all know how rare that is...

em The Eyre Affair
evil money good rare expert wickedness avarice detestable loathsome dilutes

I don't need you to agree with me," she said quietly." I'll go away happy with a little bit of doubt. Doubt is good. It's an emotion we can build on. Perhaps if we feed it with curiosity it will blossom into something useful, like suspicion - and action.

em Shades of Grey
action curiosity doubt suspicion blossom shades-of-grey

Individual words, sounds, squiggles on paper with no meanings other than those with which our imagination can clothe them.

em The Eyre Affair
language

Sometimes, a word succeeds beyond the wildest dreams of its creators, like a virus sent into the world to infect common speech.

em The Eyre Affair
humor language

I think Wordsworth was as surprised to see me as I was him. It can't be usual to go to your favorite memory only to find someone already there, admiring the view ahead of you.

em The Eyre Affair
memories poet

Prejudice is a product of ignorance that hides behind barriers of tradition.

em The Fourth Bear
prejudice ignorance

I'm beginning to think you're the sort of person who does a great deal with very little."He meant a liar.

em Shades of Grey
truth lies lie liar fabrication lied

The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary requirements of vegetarians, on the first Tuesday of the month a chicken is officially a vegetable.

em Shades of Grey
humor food vegetarian

In fact, the room was so quiet you might have heard a drop of paint splash.

em Shades of Grey
silence quiet stillness paint splash

I was born on a Thursday, hence the name. My brother was born on a Monday and they called him Anton--go figure. My mother was called Wednesday, but was born on a Sunday--I don't know why--and my father had no name at all--his identity and existence had been scrubbed by the ChronoGuard after he went rogue. To all intents and purposes he didn't exist at all. It didn't matter. He was always Dad to me...

em The Eyre Affair
days identity time-travel existance names

Keep your head down, Edward. Those that see too much quickly find themselves seeing nothing at all.

em Shades of Grey
truth knowledge curiosity curious government seeing-nothing seeing-too-much

Funding for the Special Operations Network comes directly from the government. Most work is centralized, but all of the SpecOps divisions have local representatives to keep a watchful eye on any provincial problems. They are administered by local commanders, who liaise with the national offices for information exchange, guidance and policy decisions. Like any other big government department, it looks good on paper but is an utter shambles. Petty infighting and political agendas, arrogance and sheer bloody-mindedness almost guarantees that the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing.

em The Eyre Affair
government arrogance confused funding petty-infighting bloody-mindedness political-agendas shambles

Try to be pleasant to one another, get plenty of fresh air, read a good book now and then, depose your government when it suspends the free press, try to use the mechanism of the state to adjudicate fairly and employ diplomatic means wherever possible to avoid armed conflict.

em The Big Over Easy
war reading diplomacy government free-press

Believe me, you're going to have to do much worse than this--in the pursuit of freedom, the innocents will suffer--and at your hands.

em Shades of Grey
truth freedom choice consequences justice suffer innocent innocents

There's more to good or bad than what's written in the Rulebook.

em Shades of Grey
good rules bad fine-line grey-areas

No one would argue that we owe a debt of gratitude to the Goliath Corporation. They helped us to rebuild after the Second War and it should not be forgotten. Of late, however, it seems as though the Goliath Corporation is falling far short of its promises of fairness and altruism. We are finding ourselves now in the unfortunate position of continuing to pay back a debt that has long since been paid--with interest...

em The Eyre Affair
promises gratitude altruism greed fairness debt black-mail

Never underestimate the capacity for romance, no matter what the circumstances.

em Shades of Grey
love romance romantic star-crossed-lovers circumstances

You're just a huge romantic at heart, aren't you?""If there's cash involved, I'm anything you want me to be.

love romance romantic money sarcasm sarcastic cash

Inviting a goblin to cross your threshold was a recipe for disaster, and certainly worse than doing the same with a vampire. With the latter all you got was a nasty bite, but the company, the extraordinarily good sex and the funny stories more than made up for it—apparently.

em One of Our Thursdays Is Missing
vampires goblins

All of everything came into existence simply because it wanted to be. The big bang wasn't so much a big bang as a hasty dash toward an opportunity to trade nothingness for somethingness. The main contributory factor to the entire universe was a momentary effect in need of a cause.

em The Woman Who Died a Lot
life longing existence creation something nothingness cause-and-effect everything the-universe the-big-bang

The Special Operations Network was instigated to handle policing duties considered either too unusual or too specialized to be tackled by the regular force. There were thirty departments in all, starting at the more mundane Neighborly Disputes (SO-30) and going onto Literary Detectives (SO-27) and Art Crime (SO-24). Anything below SO-20 was restricted information, although it was common knowledge that the ChronoGuard was SO-12 and Antiterrorism SO-9. It is rumored that SO-1 was the department that polices the SpecOps themselves. Quite what the others do is anyone's guess. What is known is that the individual operatives themselves are mostly ex-military or ex-police and slightly unbalanced. 'If you want to be a SpecOp,' the saying goes, 'act kinda weird...

em The Eyre Affair
art time-travel weird military unusual police crime literary detectives specialized restricted antiterrorism

You have many fine qualities that I admire. But you are out of time. You should have been born a century ago, when values such as yours meant something.

em The Last Dragonslayer
values

I am boring, but I'm ok with it. I'm the anchor, the shoulder...I'm an average man...with a truly extraordinary wife

true-love

The course of true love rarely runs smooth.

em Lost in a Good Book
true-love

Outside Styx's apartment was not the first time Rochester and I had met, or would it be the last. We first encountered each other at Haworth House in Yorkshire when my mind was young and the barrier between reality and make-believe had not yet hardened into the shell that cocoons us in adult life. The barrier was soft, pliable and, for a moment, thanks to the kindness of a stranger and the power of a good storytelling voice, I made the short journey--and returned.

em The Eyre Affair
reality books classic storytelling characters

Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous.

em One of Our Thursdays Is Missing
comedy bookworld thursday-next jasper jasper-fforde fforde one-of-our-thursdays-is-missing

Said by Colin the dragon:"It's somewhat bizarre to learn that many of you (humans)think that other humans are somehow different enough to be hated and killed, when in reality you're all all tiresomely similiar in outlook, needs and motivation, and differ only by peculiar habits, generally shaped by geographical circumstance.

em The Eye of Zoltar
humor war humans human-relationships nonsense migrants

You want me to spy on a National Colour operative?''Wow,' she said, 'you got it. I thought I was going to have to explain that one for a lot longer.

em Shades of Grey
humor sarcasm

I got mixed up with some oddness in my youth, and the long and short of it is that I can't shuffle off this mortal coil until I have read the ten most boring classics.

em Lost in a Good Book
funny irony boring-books

Anything devised by man has bureaucracy, corrpution and error hardwired at inception.

em The Well of Lost Plots
mankind

There is no point in expending good money on the pursuit of an engine that can power aircraft without propellers. What is wrong with airships anyway? They have borne mankind aloft for over a hundred relatively accident-free years and I see no reason to impugn their popularity...

em The Eyre Affair
mankind money popularity aircraft engine accident-free airships propellers

Pretty?' I said, swivelling in the driver's seat to face him, 'you want to ask me out because I'm pretty?' 'Is there a problem with asking you out because you're pretty?' 'I think you blew it,' said Tiger with a grin. 'You should be asking her out because she's smart, witty, mature beyond her years and every moment in her company makes you want to be a better person - pretty of face should be at the bottom of the list.' 'Oh, blast,' said Perkins despondently. 'It should, shouldn't it?

em The Song of the Quarkbeast
humorous-quotes

Those that see too much quickly find themselves seeing nothing at all.

em Shades of Grey
death curiosity anxious

Curiosity is a descending stair…that leads to only who-knows-where.

em Shades of Grey
curiosity

Sometimes I wonder if the human race isn't collectively as mad as a sack of door knobs.

humor madness door-knobs

My only companion from the outside world during nineteen years of isolation has been my personal hatred of Thursday Next. It's kind of like the old me suddenly taking over, and I promised myself that this was how I would act if I ever saw you.' 'I have the same thing, but with Tom Stoppard,' I said. 'You'd kill Tom Stoppard?' 'Not at all. I promised myself many years ago that I would throw myself at his feet and scream "I'm not worthy!" if I ever met him, so now if we're ever at the same party or something, I have to be at pains to avoid him. It would be undignified, you see—for him and for me.

em The Woman Who Died a Lot
humor hatred awkward fandom

Honor is kind of what you get when you weaponize manners

humor manners honor weapons turn-of-phrase

Have you ever wondered how nostalgia isn"t what it used to be?

em First Among Sequels
nostalgia time-travel

You’re talking about gold and silver, cash and securities. I’m talking about the sheer beauty of the land, the value of unpolluted parkland made wild and staying wild forever.

inspiration nature environment

Truly competent Literary Detectives are as rare as truthful men, Mr. Tweed -- you can see her potential as clearly as I can. Frightened of someone stealing your thunder, perhaps?

em Lost in a Good Book
truth jealousy funny competent

What is without dispute...is that the readers need [the BookWorld] just as much as we need them—to bring order to their apparent chaos, if nothing else.

em One of Our Thursdays Is Missing
chaos real-world

The front room of his house was what I called 'untidy chic'. Prefects weren't subject to the same Rules on room tidiness, but since no one really enjoyed clutter, a certain style of ordered untidiness was generally considered de couleur for a prefect's room.

em Shades of Grey
mess chaos clutter chic ordered tidy unorganized untidy

Miltons were, on the whole, the most enthusiastic poet followers. A flick through the London telephone directory would yield about four thousand John Miltons, two thousand William Blakes, a thousand or so Samuel Colleridges, five hundred Percy Shelleys, the same of Wordsworth and Keats, and a handful of Drydens. Such mass name-changing could have problems in law enforcement. Following an incident in a pub where the assailant, victim, witness, landlord, arresting officer and judge had all been called Alfred Tennyson, a law had been passed compelling each namesake to carry a registration number tattooed behind the ear. It hadn't been well received--few really practical law-enforcement measures ever are.

em The Eyre Affair
poets names followers law-enforcement

Edward, Edward," he said with a patronising smile, "there are no unanswered questions of any relevance. Every question that we need to ask has been answered fully. If you can't find the correct answer then you are obviously asking the wrong question.

em Shades of Grey
wrong wisdom humour questions

Prices of semicolons, plot devices, prologues and inciting incidents continued to fall yesterday, lopping twenty points off the TomJones Index.

em The Well of Lost Plots
humor sci-fi wordplay thursday-next

She wasn't the only one to be physically morphed by reader expectation. Miss Havisham was now elderly whether she liked it or not, and Sherlock Holmes wore a deerstalker and smoked a ridiculously large pipe. The problem wasn't just confined to the classics. Harry Potter was seriously pissed off that he'd have to spend the rest of life looking like Daniel Radcliffe.

em One of Our Thursdays Is Missing
humor harry-potter

Well, that's it." I said after we had waited for another five minutes and found ourselves still in a state of pleasantly welcome existence. "The ChronoGuard has shut itself down and time travel is as it should be: technically, logically, and theoretically...impossible." "Good thing, too," reply Landon. "It always made my head ache. In fact, I was thinking of doing self help book for science-fiction novelists eager to write about time travel. It would consist of a single word: Don't.

em First Among Sequels
writing time-travel

I was in '78 recently," he announced. "I brought you this."He handed me a single by the Beatles. I didn't recognize the title."Didn't they split in '70?""Not always. How are things?

em The Eyre Affair
time-travel

I wasn't particularly worried; running is overrated anyway, and sport only makes you sweaty and smug and wears out the knees.

em The Woman Who Died a Lot
humor running exercise

Honor is kind of what you get when you weaponize manners ...

funny insightful

…the known had been so long dwarfed by the unknown that confusion was an easy bedfellow.

em Shades of Grey
confusion known unknown hypnotize brainwash

Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse.

em Shades of Grey
humor witty

A surfeit of information often hides an untruth,” he said, with annoying clarity.

em Shades of Grey
deceit information untruth

Perhaps it was as well that she had been unconscious for four weeks. She had missed the aftermath, the SO-1 reports, the recriminations, Snood and Tamworth's funerals. She missed everything...except the blame. It was waiting for her when she awoke...

em The Eyre Affair
blame funerals unconscious aftermath reports recriminations

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