All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

You are all a lost generation," Gertrude Stein said to Hemingway. We weren't lost. We knew where we were, all right, but we wouldn't go home. Ours was the generation that stayed up all night.

You have made the moon," The Jester said. "That is the moon.

Hundreds of hysterical persons must confuse these phenomena with messages from the beyond and take their glory to the bishop rather than the eye doctor.

Time is for dragonflies and angels. The former live too little and the latter live too long.

Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.

I make mistakes, but I am on the side of Good," the Golux said, "by accident and happenchance. I had high hopes of being Evil when I was two, but in my youth I came upon a firefly burning in a spider's web. I saved the victim's life.""The firefly's ?" said the minstrel."The spider's. The blinking arsonist had set the web on fire.

I'll never know the right answer for sex and marriage, sense and mirage.

The appreciative smile, the chuckle, the soundless mirth, so important to the success of comedy, cannot be understood unless one sits among the audience and feels the warmth created by the quality of laughter that the audience takes home with it.

Art – the one achievement of man which has made the long trip up from all fours seem well advised

Live life by the abc's...adventure, bravery and creativity.

In his grief over the loss of a dog, a little boy stands for the first time on tiptoe, peering into the rueful morrow of manhood. After this most inconsolable of sorrows there is nothing life can do to him that he will not be able somehow to bear.

Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.

She has a memory of trees and fields and nothing more.

The jewels of sorrow last forever

The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up to its level of sagacity, but man has frequently dragged the dog down to his.

The average sendentary man of our time who is at all suggestible must emerge from this chapter believing that his chances of surviving a combination of instinct, complexes, reflexes, glands, sex, and present-day traffic conditions are about equal to those of a one-legged man trying to get out of a labyrinth.

On his misfit globe he has outlasted the mammoth and the pterodactyl, but he has never got the upper hand of bacteria and the insects.

...I would be the last person to say that madness is not a solution.

I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance - a sharp, vindictive glance.

I admire the person who can write it right off. Mencken once said that a person who thinks clearly can write well. But I don't think clearly--too many thoughts bump into one another. Trains of thought run on a track of the Central Nervous System--the New York Central Nervous System, to make it worse.

...the Princess Saralinda thought she saw, as people often think they see, on clear and windless days, the distant shining shores of Ever After. Your guess is quite as good as mine (there are a lot of things that shine) but I have always thought she did, and I will always think so.

Taking a single letter from the alphaber," he said, "should make life simpler.""I don't see why. Take the F from life and you have lie. It's adding a letter to simple that makes it simpler. Taking a letter from hoarder makes it harder.

I am 65 and I guess that puts me in with the geriatrics. But if there were 15 months in every year I'd only be 48. That's the trouble with us. We number everything. Take women for example I think they deserve to have more than 12 years between the ages of 28 and 40.

I'm sixty-five but if there were fifteen months in every year I'd only be forty-eight.

Let us not look back in anger nor forward in fear but around us in awareness.

It's a naive domestic burgundy without any breeding but I think you'll be amused by its presumption.

Humour is emotional chaos remembered in tranquillity.

Her own mother lived the latter years of her life in the horrible suspicion that electricity was dripping invisibly all over the house.

All men should strive to learn before they die what they are running from and to and why.

A lady of forty-seven who has been married twenty-seven years and has six children knows what love really is and once described it for me like this: 'Love is what you've been through with somebody.'

Though statisticians in our time have never kept the score man wants a great deal here below and Woman even more.

I have always thought of a dog lover as a dog that was in love with another dog.

Man is flying too fast for a world that is round. Soon he will catch up with himself in a great rear-end collision and Man will never know that what hit him from behind was Man.

You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.

The difference between our decadence and the Russians' is that while theirs is brutal ours is apathetic.

We all have flaws and mine is being wicked.

The wit makes fun of other persons the satirist makes fun of the world the humorist makes fun of himself.

Woman's place is in the wrong.