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  3. Jacob M. Appel
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This is how most stories end in the hospital. Not with crash carts and sirens and electric shocks to the chest, but with an empty room, a crisp white bed, silence.

in Phoning Home
death silence medicine health death-and-dying health-care hospital hospitals jacob-m-appel medicine-doctor

Marriage is like a series of opposing reflections, inverse images getting ever smaller like nesting dolls, each one of your trying to squeeze yourself smaller to fit inside the hopes of the other, until one of you cracks or stops existing.

in The Biology of Luck
love marriage unhappy-marriage relationships hope sex married-life divorce hopelessness aging unhappiness hopes married-couples jacob-appel nesting-dolls

I used to dream of true love; now I'm open to false, but convincing....

love truth relationships dating sex aging expectations relationship-advice love-advice lower-standards

Maybe life involves the pairing of unsuitable people, those who wait and those who keep others waiting, and the key to happiness is finding the one person with whom you share the same internal chronometer.

in The Biology of Luck
life love happiness dating dating-advice waiting life-lessons sex dating-tips mating chronometer

The only thing more difficult than persuading someone else to start having sex with you is persuading yourself to stop.

romance humor women dating dating-advice men sex sexuality humorous dating-tips persuasion sexy-humor

Be optimistic. Always put on clean underwear if you're going on a date.

humor dating sex

If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises....

humor men sex hammer

The boss is never your friend, even if you're sleeping with him.

humor work sex

Starshine’s greatest challenge is deciding whether a woman is too young to soothe or too old to shame. Handling the men is much easier. They may feign interest in figures and photos, but their underlying interest is for breasts and thighs. A generous smile often adds an extra zero to a check; an additional inch of exposed cleavage can clothe five Laotian children. The vast majority of these men do not expect to purchase Starshine’s favors. They are husbands, fathers, pillars of the community, the sort of upstanding middle-aged patriarchs who would rather castrate their libidos than compromise their reputations, and even if their three-digit donations could earn them a quickie with the canvasser, they would deny themselves the pleasure.

in The Biology of Luck
sex new-york-city marketing canvassing

Battery Park resonates with lust as the sun approaches its zenith. A primal impulse takes hold of the young couples strolling the gravel walkways, the newlyweds who have paused to admire DeModica’s bronze bull, the truant teens laid out on the cool grass. Maybe because all flesh tantalizes in the early summer, in the right light, or because, at this time of year, there is more flesh exposed, midriffs, cleavage, inner thighs, the park is suddenly transformed into a dynamo of panting and groping. This desire is not the tender affection of evening, the wistful intimacy of the twilight’s last gleam. It is raw, concupiscent hunger.

in The Biology of Luck
love sex summer

Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner.

in Scouting for the Reaper
love relationships romance humor women dating men sex sexuality partnership humorous-quotations partner sex-life sexy-humor lovemaking

Never make enemies of anyone younger or healthier than you are. They write your history.

in Einstein's Beach House
friends enemies youth age advice history advice-for-daily-living younger

To the bankrupt poet, to the jilted lover, to anyone who yearns to elude the doubt within and the din without, the tidal strait between Manhattan Island and her favorite suburb offers the specious illusion of easy death. Melville prepared for the plunge from the breakwater on the South Street promenade, Whitman at the railing of the outbound ferry, both men redeemed by some Darwinian impulse, maybe some epic vision, which enabled them to change leaden water into lyric wine. Hart Crane rejected the limpid estuary for the brackish swirl of the Caribbean Sea. In each generation, from Washington Irving’s to Truman Capote’s, countless young men of promise and talent have examined the rippling foam between the nation’s literary furnace and her literary playground, questioning whether the reams of manuscript in their Brooklyn lofts will earn them garlands in Manhattan’s salons and ballrooms, wavering between the workroom and the water. And the city had done everything in its power to assist these men, to ease their affliction and to steer them toward the most judicious of decisions. It has built them a bridge.

in The Biology of Luck
suicide failure hopelessness walt-whitman new-york-city herman-melville whitman brooklyn manhattan jacob-m-appel bankrupt melville brooklyn-bridge east-river

Choose old people for enemies. They die. You win.

in Einstein's Beach House
humor revenge humorous winning elderly elderly-people old-people humorous-philosophy jacob-m-appel senior-citizens

Nixon’s offences had been so long in the past, so much part of a different era that he now seemed like some lovable but bigoted uncle you tolerated at Christmas and Thanksgiving.

in The Man Who Wouldn't Stand Up
humor humorous nixon

Life is nasty, brutish, and short. Death is easy.

in The Biology of Luck
inspirational-attitude

A century ago, people laughed at the notion that we were descended from monkeys. Today, the individuals most offended by that claim are the monkeys.

in Scouting for the Reaper
humor evolution science biology progress apes primates darwin evolutionary-biology primate scopes biologists scopes-monkey-trial moneys

Arnold had never given much thought to whether or not he loved America—but now it seemed pretty obvious to him that he didn’t. Not in the way Nathan Hale had loved America. Or even in the way his late father, a Dutch-Jewish refugee, had loved America. In fact, he found the idea of sacrificing his life for his country somewhat abhorrent. Moreover, it wasn’t that he disliked abstract loyalties in general. He loved New York, for instance: Senegalese takeout at three a.m., and strolling through the Botanical Gardens on the first crisp day of autumn, and feeding the peacocks at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine. If Manhattan were invaded—if New Jersey were to send an expeditionary force of militiamen across the Hudson River—he’d willingly take up arms to defend his city. He also loved Sandpiper Key in Florida, where they owned a time-share, and maybe Brown University, where he’d spent five years of graduate school. But the United States? No one could mistake his qualified praise for love.

in The Man Who Wouldn't Stand Up
america country patriotism nation unpatriotic jacob-m-appel new-york brown-university nathan-hale

The most dangerous ideas are not those that challenge the status quo. The most dangerous ideas are those so embedded in the status quo, so wrapped in a cloud of inevitability, that we forget they are ideas at all.

in Phoning Home
inevitability subtlety ideas status-quo dangerous subversive subversion jacob-m-appel undermining hegemony notion embedded jacob-appel dangerous-ideas sublter-forms-of-communication

Know your load. That’s rule numero uno in this business, which is why I make them count the penguins out in front of me one at a time. I’m not going to be the schmuck who shows up in Orlando twobirds short of a dinner party....I know I’m pulling out of Houston with exactly forty-two Gentoo penguins, seventeen Jamaican land iguanas, four tuataras from New Zealand, and a pair of rare, civet-like mammals called linsangs. No more, no less.

in Scouting for the Reaper
humor animals zoo penguins truck-drivers

Patriotism is being convinced your country is better because you were born in it.

in The Man Who Wouldn't Stand Up
birth patriotism nationalism patriots american-exceptionalism

Such is the demographic paradox of a junior physician's relationship with his patients: I worry about how to extend their lives. This anxiety inevitably shortens my own.

in Phoning Home
life medicine science paradox physician patient hospital jacob-m-appel intern resident jacob-appel life-extension clinician doctoring house-staff

Maybe that is the greatest of wonders: that we can be shaped so much by those we've known closely, and equally by those we've never known at all - and that we too can change the world long after we've left it.

in Phoning Home
life change immortality immortal survivor survivors grandparents wonders surpise jacob-m-appel jacob-appel posthumous

That was the heart of the problem: every choice made sense from some vantage point.

in The Man Who Wouldn't Stand Up
tolerance

If God wanted teenagers to be abstinent, puberty would begin at twenty.

puberty teenagers
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