Character in decay is the theme of the great bulk of superior fiction.

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

Nothing can come out of an artist that is not in the man.

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy but that it is a bore.

It takes no more actual sagacity to carry on the everyday hawking and haggling of the world or to ladle out its normal doses of bad medicine and worse law than it takes to operate a taxi cab or fry a pan of fish.

A prohibitionist is the sort of man one wouldn't care to drink with - even if he drank.

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.

Penetrating so many secrets we cease to believe in the unknowable. But there it sits nevertheless calmly licking its chops.

A cynic is a man who when he smells flowers looks around for a coffin.

What men value in the world is not rights but privileges.

A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.

God is a comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.

Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed and are right.

Human life is basically a comedy. Even its tragedies often seem comic to the spectator and not infrequently they actually have comic touches to the victim. Happiness probably consists largely in the capacity to detect and relish them.

Happiness is the china shop love is the bull.

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing they marry later. For another thing they die earlier.

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing they marry later. For another thing they die earlier.

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing they marry later. For another thing they die earlier.

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing they marry later. For another thing they die earlier.

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing they marry later. For another thing they die earlier.

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing they marry later. For another thing they die earlier.

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing they marry later. For another thing they die earlier.

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing they marry later. For another thing they die earlier.

Injustice is relatively easy to bear what stings is justice.

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

'Tis more blessed to give than to receive for example wedding presents.

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.

No matter how happily a woman may be married it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not.

If after I depart this vale you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl.

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing they marry later. For another thing they die earlier.

The double standard of morality will survive in this world so long as the woman whose husband has been lured away is favoured with the sympathetic tears of other women and a man whose wife has made off is laughed at by other men.

Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong and that 99% of them are wrong.

Opera in English is in the main just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist Jack.

The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear-fear of the unknown the complex the inexplicable. What he wants beyond everything else is safety.

To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia: To mistake an ordinary young man for a Greek god or an ordinary young woman for a goddess.

Hope: A pathological belief in the occurrence of the impossible.

One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will be able to go to hell without perspiring.

A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.

Puritanism - the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.

A Puritan is a person who lives in the fear that someone somewhere may be having a good time.

The only liberty an inferior man really cherishes is the liberty to quit work stretch out in the sun and scratch himself.

The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear-fear of the unknown the complex the inexplicable. What he wants beyond everything else is safety.

I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense.

We are here and it is now. Further than that all knowledge is moonshine.

Time is a great legalizer even in the fields of morals.

Time is a great legalizer even in the field of morals.

Men are the only animals that devote themselves day in and day out to making one another unhappy.

Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love.

Unionism seldom if ever uses such powers as it has to ensure better work almost always it devotes a large part of that power to safeguarding bad work.