I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord in his wisdom didn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me.

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses you would have sworn she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.