Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.

She talks like you. It’s not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who’s only holding Cinderella back.” "That’s my girl.

You know on TV when there’s one of those awkward, shocking moments and all you hear are the crickets in the background?Well chirp fucking chirp...this is one of those moments.

Don’t put off till tomorrow anyone you could be doing today.

Life changes us, with its twists and turns, in ways we don't always see coming. It changes what we want, what we dream, lays blessings in our hands better than anything we could've imagined.

I’m well aware that this—that I—am the first man to ever do this to her. And yes, as a guy, thatfact makes it even better.You know who Neil Armstrong is, don’t you?Now tell me who the second guy was. Hell, tell me any other guy you know who made it to themoon after him. You can’t, can you? That’s why this is such a rush.She’ll never forget this.She’ll always remember…me.Maybe that’s chauvinistic and egotistical, but it’s the truth.-Drew Evans

Happy ending aren't just for royalty. Happy ending are for all of us.

You have the maturity of a 14-year-old boy!“ Kennedy hisses."And you have the chest of one.

I can't make out what they're saying; it sounds like: hiss, blah, she hiss, squeak. But the aunt appears to speak the native language.

If nightmares can come true, and sometimes they do... then so can our happiest dreams.

You would think having your arse constantly kissed would be enjoyable, even just a little. But when it’s a nest of snakes trying to latch on—offering a rim job with their flicking, forked tongues—it’s revolting.

...this is how politics is played. With fakery and false smiles and butcher knives to the back.

Vaginas beat penises every time. They're like kryptonite.Penises are defenseless against them.

You can’t get a reaction from someone who doesn’t give a shit.

Actions win wars. Actions heal wounds. Not words. Words are cheap. Mine, particularly. -Drew Evans.

Baby, if you let me take you out of here, I’ll give the word pleasure a whole new meaning." - Drew Evans

In third grade I thought I loved her - by sixth grade, I was sure of it

We broke up in eighth grade when Tara-Mae Forrester offered to let me touch her boobs. And I did.

These are her accomplishments. Challenges she's lived through. Shithead was just along for the ride. In the background. Like wallpaper. You can change the color of the walls anytime, and it might look different, but the room's still the same.

And another thing - don't get too comfortable. Take chances. Don't be afraid to lay it on the line. Even if you're happy. Even if you think life is freaking perfect.

Oooh...Aunt Chelsea called Jake the D-word!"Rory's voice carries into the kitchen. "Dipshit?""No.""Dumbass?""No.""Douchebag?""What's a douchebag?""Rory!" Chelsea and I yell at exactly the same time.

Forget I ever referred to my mother and screwing in the same sentence. That's just .... wrong. On so many levels.

Why do women always do this? Why are they so eager to blame themselves when someone treats them like sh*t? A guy would take a cheese grater to his tongue before admitting he screwed up.