Grin is still beside me. His arms are hung tightly as his side and I take his hand. It is like touching stone and he turns stiffly toward me as we begin making our way back to where Rosso had camped the horses. We are both quiet but I know we were both thinking the same thing. That we wish we were out there and that we wish this wasn't happening at the same time. I suddenly feel the need to apologize to him too. It is because of me that his father and brothers are in this situation but that was their choice. When he looks at me, I can see forgiveness in his eyes. Neither of us have to speak to understand and neither of us look back at the people we leave behind.
You know when it comes to who should govern themselves, we have old people talking around tables,” Jimmi says. “When you throw religion into the mix, you have a whole new set of problems. You can't say one has nothing to do with the other because that is simply not true. You have to change the government before we set religious freedoms. People like Firo and Clavis, they just don't want to suppress people. They want wealth and power. It's hard to find those who don't.
I think, actually I know that it's overwhelmingly possible for men to conduct such atrocities as to kill a man in cold blood, to burn towns and to parade with the the dead on the tips of their swords. People who think they are doing something for the good of all are the most dangerous and stirs their intent deeper. There might have been a time when I thought differently and I would have answered with a quick no but that time had long passed. Do I think it's in human nature to be violent and to succumb to it? Sure I do. It's to justify it, that I think is inhuman.
I believe that we should all be free to believe what we want and not be condemned for it,” I say without a thought. “I believe in a higher power and that it works within us. Whatever the name doesn't matter, it's the thought behind it that matters. It's the way we live our lives that matter and as long as I believe that there is someone in the sky there to protect us, no one here will ever break me.
The way he moves-a singular motion with such ease-put me in awe. He takes down one, two and then three without even bending his back. Knocking down a man so gracefully was nothing I had ever seen before and this red dance drew me in as it did the others around him. He could have easily killed those men. This is a man who has control over himself. This is the kind of man I need.
Jimmi manages a laugh that makes my skin crawl. “Do you really think what you read in those books is true? Sure, some of it may be but have you ever actually paid attention to it? It's all false set upon us as truth. You can't coat something with lies and intend it to go away. It's asinine and lackluster at best.
Why would they lie to us?”“Because deep down, we're all afraid of having peace. Because deep down we know we're all poisoned. We're more afraid of ourselves than we are of others. In that thinking, we deny ourselves the very power that we could have. In that thinking, we put liars on pedestals. Then, when the time is right they proclaim their lies as truth and revel in it as if they did something truly righteous and people will fall to their knees because we never learn if our mistakes are never admitted and cataloged. What better way to destroy a person than to make them realize that everything they ever believed was wrong?
I can hear birds singing but they don't sound at all like the birds I knew. These are mocking and possessed. I imagine they have deformed bodies with glowing eyes, leading the wagon to my own personal damnation. All my wishes and all my draining prayers haven't brought me home. They are bringing me to the one place I sought to be and the one place I wanted to far from.
It's irresponsible to think things are just going to work out because you believe things happen for a reason. I refuse to accept these things. I refuse to give in to that absurdity. You saw what happened in Lucille and you lived with Col all those years. You know the suffering they went through. Even this place. There are so many empty houses yet so many homeless. Society is breaking. The kingdoms are failing them.
When we die, our bodies turn to dust,” he says. “If you were nobody of consequence, you're forgotten unless you do something worth remembering.” When he looks my way, I purse my lips and look down. “Otherwise, you're just another place marker in the ground. These buildings will rot here, their bodies are above the ground taunting us with what we did wrong as a people. Reminding us of the evil we're capable of. They are constant.
I trust you. Those are the last words my father said before he left. That means that every decision I make, I would have to question myself whether it was the right one. I can picture him, expectations in his eyes. Because of that, I can see the same look in others. He could not have damned me more.
Oda once said that when you speak excessively, it isn't necessarily communicating,” Jimmi says as he hunches over, resting his elbows on his knees. He yawns and doesn't cover his mouth.“What does that mean?”“It means that you can shut your mouth and still say what you need to say using the other gifts the gods gave us.
When I go to describe something as remarkable as what I saw that day, I could only say it was a place of dreams. The water is crystalline clear, a mixture of opalescent colors and frosted with white tips. It surges forward and crashes up against the rocks below us as the sun cast a fire-like glare in the distance. Adding to my reverie is the salty smell in the air that lingers and enlivens senses that seem to have been dormant before this moment. I don't recall moving in this dream-like state but my hand moves up and cups the wind as if trying to capture it's essence. If I could have pocketed every smell and sound of this place I would have and I would defended it with my life.