Me to Comma: I will never get use to you wanting to butt your way into my sentences -- even if you're right.

Three words for a writer: Make me care.

As I drove out the wrought iron gates I had entered, I noticed for the first time how intricate and beautiful they were. They were forged by hand so many years ago and had stood the test of time.

It’s a great day to write a best-seller.

Grammar, you're the pickiest noun I know.

I love Edit. He gives me tons of second chances to make things just right between us.

I wear the writer pants in the family.

Do you remember the time, Mike,” Jeremy laughed, “that you put a banana down your pants and walked up to the Palma-nator. It looked like you had one hell of a hard-on.

Writers see the world differently. Every voice we hear, every face we see, every hand we touch could become story fabric.

The best kind of day is a writing day

Caught red-handed for exclamation abuse.

I don’t do math.

I'm trying to give my character voice but he won't speak.

Conflict. Conflict. Where art thou conflict?

Rejection. Rejection. You can't handle rejection!

Hey Revision. You can be a pain but you do make Book better.

If you see it in Strunk and White it's so.

I'm in love with writing, but sometimes I swear it hates me.

Sometimes the writing just comes and we're like, oh yeah. Gotta love when that happens.

Me to characters: talk to me people.

Good editors are priceless.

If I write as well as I golf, I'm in trouble!

Show me the contract.

A tweet a day keeps writer's block away.

A cliffhanger is when ...

Climax: It's all downhill from here.

Writer. Another word for poor.

Write on!

The power of the delete key.

The sight washed over me like a damn wave that you never see coming until it’s too late and you’re face down eating sand.

One day comes after another and another and pretty soon you realize that yesterday was pretty damn long ago and that everything you had hoped for is never going to happen. You can’t control it any more than you can control that big wave from getting stronger before it nails you. All you can do is prepare and hope that when it hits, you’ll survive.

The pimple is perfect.

I was just thinking that he might be willing. It’s not like he needs his semen.

I’ll pray for good semen. And I’ll get all of my friends to pray for good semen.

You deserve good sperm. You’ve waited a long time.

Yes, I prosecute bastards like him, make them pay for what they did to innocent victims who can’t fight for themselves. And every time I win a case, I not only win for the victim, but also for me.

Trying to get an agent is like standing in line to be picked for kickball. Pick me! Pick me! ...Dang, last again.

I am so over you, Rejection. You can't get to me like that anymore. I won't let you squash my hopes and dreams. (Slams door) So there!

If rejections were cash, I'd be rich