All porn stars on Animal Farm are equal but some porn scenes are more unequal than others.

Psychosis is person less persona, raving sincerity.

If the mind fits, shrink it.

My son, I don’t believe in God, prayer, afterlife or miracles. You may disagree with me on all of these. I’d prefer that you agree and reserve rebellion and independence over important issues instead.

When all seems hopeless, cross your fingers and stick with the secular prayer.

Self talk and self prayer: When you audible the first and correctly interpret, the white coats correct you in a nuthouse. When you audible the second and misinterpret, the dinner coats swear you to an oath in the White House. Does this make you nuts too? Then outfit your sanity seeking political asylum at my house.

I hate feeling hate but feeling nothing feels worse.

If you see me standing on my head, I'm trying to cheer you up with my frown. I need my honesty, you my pleasantry.

They safely cured the world of sadness, wiser the Pfizer for it?

Fifty percent of life is ninety percent indecisive. The rest is confusing.

I awoke to a daymare. Life.

Where have you been all of your life?

Life is short unless agony is long.

If you only go around once in life, then why has that one gone around more than once?

Kindness knows no kind.

There is a meaning of life but I've been sworn to secrecy.

Ultimate meaning is meaningless. Meaning meaning means everything else.

If you want to commit suicide why tell anyone? They'd ruin everything.

Months after my wrists ripping, a talk therapist referred to the act as self-hatred. Until then nobody had said this to me. Did everyone presume that I already knew so? People say it all the time. It’s safer to draw this conclusion. Throw in cowardice and you have an insulated public. I was not enraged at all. I was panic stricken. How could I hate myself for wanting to stop such physical sickness and terror? Mine was an act of caretaking, compassion, love. You cannot share this insight with therapists because they think such encourages recurrence. Have you ever stopped diarrhea with a prayer? If you have to go, you go. If you have to die, you die.

Babies are never suicidal. Hard lives, not hard boiled eggs do that.

You can't stop a man from stopping himself.

A bind is when you're quadriplegic, suicidal about that and unable to persuade your best friend to murder you.

Billions of years before twelve step groups, God committed shotgun suicide. Today wall scrapings share His gratitude stories.

There's an ad for every vice. That's advice.

I learned to smile, avoiding happiness advice.

I've been coerced into free will.

I forgot what I was going to think.

Honesty is the best insurance policy.

The brain is unreliable. It relies on lies.

When to others it's not lying. It's privacy.

Dad got furious when we lied to him. No, Dad got furious then we lied to him.

Our atheist thoughts go out to his family following their loss.

An apple a day feeds the tapeworm to stay.

I overreacted to praise, signing an autograph. I'd write a check to buy it back.

It's not how I take tragic news but how I make tragic views that unscrews me.

I love objectivity when mine.

I'm all groan up in America.

I can't prove it yet know it when I seem it.

My life is so bad that it's worse than it really is.

If life was fair ... one third of the people would comprise of judges and lawyers ... one third of police and prison officials ... and one third of legislators ... and one third more to make the other three thirds make any sense at all .... Thank goodness for no fair.

Dreams don't come true, they are true.

A broken shoelace can strangle me.

Okay, you won our shitty little argument. Pass the world.

The first casualty of war is casual wear.

Peace ain't worth fighting for.

First, let me finish. Then interrupt.

Don't stay in this now. You'll fall behind.

The fine line between genius and madness is a punch line. Duck, you idiot!

If sensing so badly of yourself you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense … sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.

If you sense so badly that you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense ... sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.

I recovered from recovering so no longer celebrate not doing bad things to defend myself as good. I added new bad for good measure.

It's no longer time to take sides for or against race, rather sides against those who still do.

To Americans, either/or means both.

I can't answer you in a nutshell. We wouldn't fit unless we saw the same shrink.

I'm nostalgic for a better tomorrow.

Nostalgia was never what it used to be.

All surgery and no makeup make Jack a dull girl.

He who laughs last laughs ... doesn't get it.

I say there is no darkness but ignorance," said William Shakespeare. How would he know, he knew everything?

He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword ... unless he's a general.

Spare the rod and spoil the Memorial Day rotisserie.

I was accused of always acting superior. Always means being, not acting.

My secret to maintaining a youthful appearance? Immaturity.

I finally decided what I want to be when I grow up - late.

Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear so don't look and they'll stay farther away than you expect they would.

Mom lied. The crust is the shittiest part.

We contradict all for which we stand for we all stand for the lie the whole lie and nothing but the lie so help save our lying asses.

I can't name just one example. Then there's only one.

A good night's sleep counts healthy sheep.

Our archaeological ancestry lost hair while growing sweat glands to reduce panting in the hot African sun. One outcome evolved the origin of our speech. Another conquered our ability to shut the hell up and listen. Now? Politicians grunting "On the Origin of Speeches" past one another.

With good morality first candidates you'll get bad candor, bad ethics, bad loyalty and bad morality - lastly bad odor will surface to save the day if you maintain good optimism like I do.

Feed a squirrel and he'll leave you alone every day.

Ignorance is bliss. Wisdom is blisters.