A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

If you want to be seen, stand up.If you want to be heard, speak up.If you want to be appreciated, shut up.

gray hair is gods graffiti

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

The past is a ghost, the future a dream and all we ever have is now.

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head...

Parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.

I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her.Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring.

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.

That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.

I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.

Old is always fifteen years from now.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

I've noticed the customers in health food stores. They are pale skinny people who usually look half dead. In a steak house you see robust ruddy people. They're dying of course but they look terrific.

Human beings are the only creatures on Earth that allow children to come back home.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

There's no labor a man can do that's undignified if he does it right.