Guns are our friends because in a country without guns, I'm what's known as "prey." All females are.

I'm a Christian first, and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don't you ever forget it. You know who else was kind of "divisive" in terms of challenging the status quo and the powers-that-be of his day? Jesus Christ.

Democrats see our voluntary military supported by taxpayer dollars as their personal Salvation Army. Self-interested behavior, such as deploying troops to serve the nation, is considered boorish in Manhattan salons.

The Democratic Party supports criminals and Islamic terrorists but has no sympathy for taxpayers.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm a middle-of-the-road moderate and the rest of you are crazy.

We've finally given liberals a war against fundamentalism, and they don't want to fight it. They would, except it would put them on the same side as the United States.

I am the illegal alien of commentary. I will do the jokes that no one else will do.

From the people who brought you "zero tolerance," I present the Gun-Free Zone! Yippee! Problem solved! Bam! Bam! Everybody down! Hey, how did that deranged loner get a gun into this Gun-Free Zone?

I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am.

For most Americans, our most precious possession is citizenship in this amazing country.

The actual history of interracial rape - according to FBI statistics - is that, since the 70's, approximately 15,000 to 36,000 white women have been raped by black men every year, while, on average, zero black women are raped by black men." (The Department of Justice uses "0" to denote fewer than ten victims.

It’s often said that those who are unduly bothered by gays are latent homosexuals. Isn’t it possible that people obsessed with racism are themselves racist.

We know who the homicidal maniacs are. They are the ones cheering and dancing right now.

Where there's smoke around a conservative, there are journalists furiously rubbing two sticks together.

There's nothing good about diversity, other than the food, and we don't need 128 million Mexicans for the restaurants.